somewhere between an insult and a complement lies the truth

I have all these great genes, but they’re recessive. That’s the problem here.

My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I’m going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step...

Those who think compromise is a four letter word need to go back to school

I’m not a comic book guy at all.

The unfortunate are not as miserable as the world imagines. That urchins, the handicapped, orphans, prisoners and others are much happier than people think. And that language is a trap, that a dark evolutionary force...

My name is Michael Pennington, and I am not a comic character.

There aren’t any concrete steps to becoming a comic.

Ah, I do so love this charmingly rustic, elvin kingdom!-Baozhai

I need COFFEE to help me change the things I can… and WINE to help me accept the things I can’t!

It was very natural that people just think of me as a comic actor.

Semua makhluk hidup setiap harinya hidup seperti memutar roda keberuntungan.

Every time you look up at the stars, it’s like opening a door. You could be anyone, anywhere. You could be yourself at any moment in your life. You open that door and you realize...

Death is complicated.”-Johann Kraus

I’m a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it’s what I’ve been doing and it’s what I’m going to keep doing.

Short men are happy, for they can pass easily through the door. Tall men are happy, for they can stand erect and pluck oranges with their hands. Again, short men are angry, for they cannot...

I’m a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!

On my list of things to be when I grew up was a character in a Gary Larson comic. With one of his books in my hands, I would spend hours and hours laughing. And...

If heaven was created only for the most stupid clown, then Mr Bean could have been the only righteous man on earth.

Seth Meyers and I wrote a ‘Spider-Man’ comic.

Speaking of boxes…Do you know that thought experiment with the cat in the box with the poison? Theory requires the cat to be both alive and dead until observed.Well, I actually performed the experiment. Dozens...

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

A microphone is to a comic, what a pen is to a writer. There’s power in it.

I provide a little comic relief.

I’d ask you to think outside the box on this, but it’s obvious your box is broken. And has schizophrenia.

Who put the S in comic to make cosmic? / The Self, which is the self of all beings – / choosing to disguise from themselves / that everything is just a game. // With...

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it’s harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!

I’ve never really been a big sci-fi guy or a big comic book guy.

Is it my end-all and be-all to become a standup comic? No.

When my comedy get’s someone to react… anger, laughing, crying, whatever… I know I did my job

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

In the midst of the vagaries of life, they provide us a trip to the land of goodness and fairies, of imaginations and possibilities.A childhood that wasn’t spent watching cartoons or reading comic strips, no...

When you say ‘comic book’ in America, people think of Mickey Mouse, and Archie. It has a connotation of juvenile.

I find it interesting that Jesus was born the same day every year and rises from the dead a different day every year

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who’s been up too late.

I’m not a broad comic, but I think I can be funny and I think I make people laugh.