Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you’ll be as right as rain come the weekend.

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

I am somebody’s son, and I know a guy I call “Dad.” Those two things are unrelated.

Honestly, Clary, if you don’t start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don’t know what I’ll do with you.

He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable

Adamant,” Doren said proudly, handing over the shield. “We fished it out of the tar pit where we found the shirt of mail.””Probably all belonged to the same careless adventurer,” Newel speculated. “Too much money,...

You say guest, and I say prisoner. But I say it with love, so mine is preferable to yours.

I paid, got up, walkedto the door, openedit.I heard the mansay, “that guy’snuts.”out on the street Iwalked northfeelingcuriouslyhonored.

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

So we are fulfilling our task in preventing serious armament stocks in Iraq within our possibilities.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they’ll at least have something to keep them warm after they’ve lost all their money when the company goes under.

I’m leaving the door partly open,” he says as he follows Tegan. “You scream if you need me.”Once he is outside, Richard says, “He does realize that if he hears your scream, it’s already too...

Give it to me. Inject it,” I’d say. To be destroyed so efficiently. But I settled for less.

Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.

I only hope, for the sake of the rising male sex generally, that you may be found in as vulnerable and soft-hearted a mood by the first eligible young fellow who appeals to your compassion.

I walked to the door where Clovis waited. When I looked up, he was staring at Adam. A quick glance backward confirmed Adam was returning his stare. Freaking males, I thought, they couldn’t be more...

This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start...

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is ‘good-bye sucker.

Happy endings. *Groan*

People always ask me, “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Well, I don’t have an alibi.

Get him now?” Duncan asked. He looked at the sword in his hand. Unsure of what he should do, he tossed the weapon at the giant. The sword flipped through the air a couple of...

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Theatres are curious places, magician’s trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the fantastic, the tragic, the comic and the absurd are routine occurences on and...

I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.-Dex to Sloane

My arms and legs fell asleep. Silence of the Limbs.

Would you prefer swive? Tup? Dance the buttock jig?

Love is something I know all about. Not from experience, but from quizzing numerous hookers about their chosen industry.

Sikujui.

Did I ever tell you the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern one?” she asked him, indulging herself and letting her head rest on his shoulder. God, he felt good. Her man....

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

Duck!” Not a Feathery Quack Maker, but Get down!

How did you not know they broke up? You usually monitor his social media like he’s al-Qaeda and you’re the CIA.

until death do us part” is faster and cheaper than a divorce.

Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..

The funny thing about writing is that whether you’re doing well or doing it poorly, it looks the exact same. That’s actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing.

I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.

You were spying on me?” I repeated, this time my tone was stern.”Nonsense! I was making sure you were safe.” He answered, fluttering his wings and landing in front of me. “That’s what friends do.

A blanket could be used to quell the rebellion. Wait until all the men are asleep before you kill them, rape them, and declare victory. Actually, it would be better to rape the men before...

Count yourself fortunate.” He made an elegant sweep of his hand toward the sun. “Daylight does not make them turn to ash, but they become bloody damn infants, whinging on about irritated eyes and sluggish...

A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help the car fall asleep when it was spending its idle time idling.

As the middle child of the Laurel Canyon Adams Family, Whit was surprisingly chill on the subject of ampire-vays.

A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable...

I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Whenever I think of something but can’t think of what it was I was thinking of, I can’t stop thinking until I think I’m thinking of it again. I think I think too much.

…space flight still had a long way to go to catch up with the safety record of the milkshake industry.

A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, and everybody’s happy but the tax collector.

Called her a whore and attacked her walls, tearing down her posters and throwing her books everywhere. I found out because some whitegirl ran up and said, Excuse me, but your stupid roommate is going...

A brick could be used as a penis enlargement aid. Just tie a string around both your penis and a brick, and drop the brick off the roof of a building. I’m not stretching the...