The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone’s hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in...

Weeping willows always remind me of summer. And sadness. Please stop crying sweet tree.

It’s a fact that when it comes to dating, men are all visual. Well, except blind men.

Naked intelligence officer (‘nā-kəd in-‘te-lə-jən(t)s ‘ä-fə-sər)1 : an intelligence officer in a state of undress 2 : an intelligence officer whose cover has been compromised3 : an intelligence officer, in reality fully clothed, disguised as...

If you say renewable, I’ll think energy. If you say fore, I’ll think play. If you say binary, I’ll think anal defibrillator.

I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out...

If your life was complete, you’d be dead.

Me parece que no lo entiendes. Las vidas de las personas pasan por delante de sus ojos antes de que mueran, y el proceso se llama ‘vivir’. ,Te apetece un camarón?

Making love is not my strength. Also, lifting weights is not my strength.

I killed my clone. It’s not murder, it’s partial suicide. I want a stiff drink, but not alcohol. I want formaldehyde.

Dad, is she serious?”John shrugged. “I argue with your Mama, I sleep on the couch and she doesn’t feed me. So i dont argue with your mama.

If I share your bottle of beer, I’ll take the left side.

… an artist should paint from the heart, and not always what people expect. Predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, and we have been bored stiff long enough I think.

Uh, puedo hablar con Andrew Nelson, por favor?” I asked, feeling like an idiot.”Quien?” “El americano,” I explained. “Muy grande americano.” In trying to describe my father, I sounded like I was ordering coffee. But...

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

Nat: Maybe you broke something.Midge: I know. Never fall down, never fall down!Nat: Ah, it’s nothing. I fall down every morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, I fall down. That’s the...

I gave three quiet cheers for Minnesota. In Seattle a dusty inch of anything white and chilly means the city lapses into full-on panic mode, as if each falling flake crashes to earth with its...

I hate to read books but a friend said he read the dictionary and that the Zebra did it.

Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.

Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied.

Jeremy and Karl and Elizabeth have known each other since the first day of kindergarten. Amy and Talis are a year younger…Now the five are inseparable; invincible. They imagine that life will always be like...

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it.

When I go out to eat at restaurants, I don’t like chains. I prefer whips.

It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.

getting lucky” means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it’s still HOT!

When the war comes, you’ll find me on the front line, with some crayons, coloring outside the lines.

I Have Fought the Good Fight and Won

Don’t feel bad. My body rejects food on occasion too,” Greg said, and she grinned. A sense of humor was always a plus for a man.

The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is...

What two sides do I want with my dinner? The left and the right side.

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.

Good evening, Lord Corwin,’ said the lean, cadaverous figure who rested against a storage rack, smoking his pipe, grinning around it.Good evening, Roger. How are things in the nether world?’A rat, a bat, a spider....

Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.

In every possible instance Saint Paul begged Christians to restrain themselves to contain their carnal yearnings to live solitary and sexless lives on earth as it is in heaven. “But if they cannot contain ”...

Your questions regarding that gentleman are very delicate, very subtle, very much like being smacked in the head with a mallet.

My love is self-contained, like chips in a bag. Don’t eat it all at once.

I know. That sounds like a lie. But Presbyterians know that every so often a lie isn’t all that bad, and I figured that this was about the best place it could happen.

After an awkward pause, Bast extended his hand. Chronicler hesitated for a bare moment before reaching out quickly, as if he were sticking his hand into a fire. Nothing happened, both of them seemed moderately...

To be in love is to be in two places at once. Zombies and Schrödinger’s cat are also in two places at once.

You’re not celibate, then?” I breathe. Amusement lights up his eyes.”No, Anastasia, I’m not celibate.

Life – with or without softener- is hard

I made dinner reservations for two, because I like eating alone. And I drink coffee by the bathtubful—but only while simultaneously taking a shower.

What’s the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I’ll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for...

Life is too hard to maintain a constantly serious outlook. You have to laugh at yourself and the world now and then―see humor in undesirable circumstances, even harsh situations―or you will either rot from the...

Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path

He’s acting as foolish as a kitten… but then, everyone’s entitled to a little foolishness once in a while.

Cabel gives her a quizzical look. “I am totally not getting enough attention here.

I have a chip on my shoulder. It’s a nacho, not a sense of bitterness.

The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.

she tried to stand up. It very nearly worked too … apart from the world spinning at great speed with some very pretty stars … then the ground leapt up and hit her quite hard,...