It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

As an anonymous wit is supposed to have put it: “Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas which, given enough time, changes into people.

I sleep hard; I dream harder!

The house seemed to have all the comforts of little Children, dirt and litter.

Arlington National cemetery is huge! But that’s not surprising, because DC is the world’s largest graveyard of good ideas and intentions. Politicians are natural hunters. If there is a good and productive thing, they will...

I’ve gone astray. It’s better to cook with a stray than eat your own cat.

Everybody needs a career manager.”- Lady Macbeth

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels….

Sell canoes to those who are enduring a drought, and sell sunscreen to those suffering from flooding. But give love freely to all, because samples encourage sales.

I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and suits freak me out.

You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.

Not my circus, not my monkeys (but definitely my 27 clowns piling out of a car).

An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author’s demise.

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If I were a shovel salesman, my biggest customers would be murderers. Oh, and spurned lovers trying to bury the past.

I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to reproduce a knock off to sell on the black market.

I sleep around. I sleep around my cat, who sleeps like a boulder in the middle of the bed and refuses to move.

Less road rage – but also, how about less road beatitude.

I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me,...

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

In light of the darkness, I see no reason to have no reason.

I stayed up all night making love—to myself. That reminds me, I need to buy some more Jell-O and political biographies.

You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late.

Not knowing is more than half the battle. – National Clandestine Service motto

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.

I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. “Thank you.” “I just went along for the ride. After that happened-” She waved at Derek. “You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently...

Am I going crazy, or am I the only one who can hear the silence?

Don’t be alarmed by the flashing lights and the sirens you can’t see or hear. Just keep your blindfold on, your earplugs in, and keep driving way over the speed limit. You are in control...

We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong.

Control is under the situation.

I don’t care if some monkey is rippin’ your eyeballs out with rusty nails! YOU STARE UP FRONT AT ATTENTION! RIGHT THERE! IS THAT CLEAR!

My foggy brain slid away and— And I was still dressed in only my bra and panties. Well, at least it’s a nice set of bra and panties. Yep, these were the thoughts going through...

Life is still very much the same since I said I love you and she said nothing. That was two months ago, and neither one of us has yet to hang up the phone. I...

I got tapped for the job position. As soon as I felt it on my shoulder, I turned around and my boss told me.

the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter.” Thanks, Wikipedia!

My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn’t recruit. I just wish there’d been a hell of a lot more of them.

Ginny!” said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. “Haven’t I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain?

He will.

You know how mainstream news is interspersed with product ads? Well, why aren’t all the shows made entirely out of the stuff? I find commercials more believable, and I’d be more inclined to watch.

In my hands I hold the tools necessary for our government to fix our economic situation. My hands are empty, because a hands-off approach is the best approach.

The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.

Call bitch a bitch , no fucking reasons

Alas! Earwax!

I don’t believe we should carry backupplans in life’s suitcase—they’re too easy to unpack like living a life in yoga pants, so comfortable our hips spreadinto new timezones…

That’s precisely why the majority of the population voted me into public office.

I’m twice as old as she is tall. She’s half my age in height. We have a David and Goliath kind of love.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

Yeah, but the lost diadem,” said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, “is lost, Luna. That’s sort of the point.