He is not a man wedded to action, Boleyn, but rather a man who stands by, smirking and stroking his beard; he thinks he looks enigmatic, but instead he looks as if he’s pleasuring himself.

They had not been long there before Lord Dumbello did group himself. ‘Fine day,’ he said, coming up and occupying the vacant position by Miss Grantly’s elbow.’We were driving to-day and we thought it rather...

I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in the street?

All humans are insane, they exists because insanity exists.

If I don’t keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute,’ I say, wildly.’Maybe you could work in Argos as a prostitute,’ my mother says, merrily. She...

I made love to a woman 20 years older than me. The impressive part is that I was only eleven at the time. I saved my allowance for two years to be able to afford...

(Sadie)”I’m not judging you, Dylan. I love vampire movies. If I looked surprised it was only because it’s so different from your TV work, that’s all.”His shoulders relaxed a notch. “Sorry. Olly gives me a...

Hungry and thirsty? Soup solves both problems at once. My love for you is starved and dehydrated, and all I need is one spoon.

The guards had asked the Doctor to please wait in the hallway until Mr McCavity had time to see him. So it seemed only polite, the Doctor thought, to wait until they had gone before...

We will meet; and there we may rehearse mostobscenely and courageously.Shakespeare, Midsummer Night’s Dream. Spoken by Bottom, Act I Sc. 2

I’ll just stay ten feet away from him at all times so I don’t accidentally trip and fall and land lips first on his mouth.

The alcohol had the effect of making the black cloth blacker. This amused her; she had noted in her journal: “booze affects material as it does people.

The difference between noon and midnight is the same as the separation between sex and masturbation. Sexually, you can find me at 6:00 sharp. Bring a condom and a glove—and don’t be late.

When the entire document is redacted, everybody’s on the same page.

Sometimes I feel like the tenth dentist in the 9 out of 10 dentists surveys.

Had Stella been named anything else, and/or had we lived in any other city besides New Orleans, my desperate call would have been just my desperate call. In that alternate universe the neighbors might have...

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring your own knitting equipment.

I thought you were just typical teenagers.”No one has ever called me typical. I can’t say I like it.

When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get...

What’s that you mutter to yourself, Matthew Maule?” asked Scicpio. “And what for do you look so black at me?””No matter, darky,” said the carpenter. “Do you think nobody is to look black but yourself?

A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.

There’s no such thing as free kittens.

Life goal: Swim in a lake full of soup, and instead of bathing suits we’ll wear Ziploc bags while we make love like we’re feeding the homeless.

I’ve never done this before. I didn’t go to human bars. Mudslides aside, I’m not much of a drinker. Club people are not my people. Now, book-club people—

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.

Two puzzles that cannot be solved: The miracle of birth and misery of death.

The art of medicine consists of keeping the patient in a good mood while nature does the healing.

A brick could be used to assuage your sense that life isn’t real. Hold it in your hands and say, This is not a dream.

Nightmares did come true. Because, after her second night of major loving with the man of her dreams, the absolute last person she ever wanted to see was her mother. Yet there she was, her...

Bah, Alzheimer’s. The reason my grandma can’t remember anything is because she’s always thinking about dick.

Three lights should be fine.” – Zachary”Aye, well if it wis me, I’d want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin’ oot o’ my arse.” – True MacDonald

We were in Paris. We were in love. We were with other people at the time and wouldn’t even meet for two years.

My family would never bother with something so insignificant as job experience. I’m sure they started the interview by asking what her favoritecolor was.

We could visit him,” suggests Will. “But what would we say? ‘I didn’t know you that well, but I’m sorry you got stabbed in the eye’?

A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor’s yard.

Regardless of what others may tell you, you only need two Mexican-Americans for a Mexican standoff.

Why would anybody want dick for free?” What kind of lover would that make?

A cavalryman’s horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.

If you hear voices, you’re a lunatic. If you write down what they say, you’re an author.

Kyo: Of course, I’ll beat YOU, too!Yuki: Don’t you ever get tired of saying that?Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It’s my goal in life!Yuki: It’s so unfair that I keep having to take abuse...

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

If it weren’t for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

I wonder if a fish’sOne and only wish isThat other fish will never say,”This fish is sure delicious!

Pregnant women need dick too. And I’m here to sell it to them. I charge by the inch and by the hour.

The voices in my head that tell the other voices what to do are mean.

I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open.

I got a dick and I was single so, yeah, it’s possible.