Butcher, al secolo Giacinto Verbato, prima del Dominio faceva il macellaio a New Milan. Buffo il fatto che come soprannome avesse scelto l’anglicizzazione del proprio mestiere, chiunque si sarebbe sentito a disagio a chiamarsi come...

Sensitive,” I tried.Sam translated: “Squishy.””Creative.””Dangerously emo.””Thoughtful.””Feng shui.”I laughed so hard I snorted. “How do you get feng shui out of ‘thoughtful’?””You know, because in feng shui, you arrange furniture and plants and stuff in thoughtful...

If Makar Denisych was just a clerk or a junior manager, then no one would have dared talk to him in such a condescending, casual tone, but he is a ‘writer’, and a talentless mediocrity!People...

My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling.

Conduct Covert UAV Operations Naked

A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and...

I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.

Ronan said, “I’m always straight.”Adam replied “Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.

Enjoy your Evening.””That will depend on the menu. If it’s beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it’s chicken…” Elliot shuddered. “What is the point of chicken?””Eggs?

I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening and morning?

Let’s go commit senseless acts of science.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do,...

I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s like looking in a mirror when you make eye contact with your clone.

Preparing the communal evening meal sometimes caused arguments. Every village in Sicily had a different recipe for squid and eels, disagreed on what herbs should be disbarred from the tomato sauce. And whether sausages should...

We have to destroy the radioactive brain of Madame Curie.

I enjoy the sounds of morning. My favorite is the shush of orgasm. If you tell me you love me, I might tell you the time.

I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it’s gotten big on me. I don’t know what it is. I’m so damned unhappy, I’m so mad, and I don’t know why. I feel like...

Are you okay?” It’s like asking someone if they think you look fat. You’re almost guaranteed to get a lie.

I’d give up three days just to get three hours with the woman I love. Of course this instinct is the reason why my investment decisions always look so great—for the people on the other...

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

If he’s like any other man I’ve ever met, it’s not my smile he’s going to be looking at.

It’s been said that you make as much money as the average income of your five closest friends. Well, I have no friends, so it’s no surprise that I have no money either.

And I may not omit here a special work of God’s providence. There was a proud and very profane young man [aboard the Mayflower], one of the seamen, of a lusty, able body, which made...

You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick.

It’s sad to see a restaurant go out of business because the owner died, after being cannibalized by hungry customers.

My imagination plus Vibrizzio is not only equal to but also greater than a real man. Why should I settle for second best?

Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.

I’m forced to shower in the closet, because my friend is wearing all my clothes, and he’s in the bathtub at the moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?

There is no known cure for severe affection for one’s cat. The only way to relieve the symptoms is to go ahead and launch a kiss attack.

I shouldn’t believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

I was beside myself with grief. I was also beside myself with cloning.

Charming villains have always had a decided social advantage over well-meaning people who chew with their mouths open.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

If you’re wondering how I’ll ask you how you’re doing, the answer is silently and invisibly. My love is often overlooked, like a midget behind a counter.

POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.

Americans are self-reliant—on the government.

Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself.

Luce blushed. “Then what kind of angel are you?””I’m sort of in between gigs right now,” Daniel said.

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten.

Sometimes I put on a black scuba suit and go walking on the beach, to relax. If I could, I’d sleep in a scuba suit—on a waterbed. Not that I actually ever get in the...

A book can tell me anything it wants to, but I sure as shit don’t have to believe it.

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Two days ago, Tuesday at 10:10 am, I gave birth to a bagel. And God commanded me to slice up my only begotten bagel in two, and who am I to argue with God? So...

There’s a difference between preferring books to parties and preferring sixteen cats to seeing the light of day.

can’t even sleep through the night without you and those sun-dried ginger ale complected limbs crocheted into my thighs…

I’m productive. I make things. I make fun.

I had a dream about you while having a dream about you. We were watching the movie Inception and drinking déjà vu.

I’m 32 years old and I’m tired. It’s because I haven’t drank enough coffee. If I had, I’d probably only be 29.

But if she could be here, she probably wouldn’t be here. But that won’t stop me from ordering for two, and if I can’t eat it all I’ll take the leftovers home so I can...

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.