Soup has water value, but water doesn’t have soup value. That’s like my love—really watery, but rather tasty.

We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing...

Toad must have been very accustomed to traveling this way, balanced on the back rails of a rushing buggy, but Melena was not. She gripped the sides and white-knuckled the rails with her knapsack sandwiched...

Bags!

Love is shapeless and colorless and tasteless and odorless. But so is God, so how can you believe in one and not the other?

I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that.

If secrecy is the beginning of tyranny, declassification is its apotheosis.

I listen to AM radio in the AM, and AM radio for an AM audience in my PM (though it comes from the other side of the world). It’s all morning all the time for...

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march.

I’m some sort of guinea pig in a home economics crash course for werewolves.

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.

I would take a trip down Memory Lane, but with gas prices sky high, forget about it.

Even when we’re old, I’ll still look at you with the same eyes. (Who else’s eyes am I going to look at you with?) My love for you is Louis Braillesque.

If you had a tattoo that said ‘Top Secret,’ where on your body would it be?

Mrs. Friedman lived in a happy snow globe of AP History.

You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!

Treat me like a king and I’ll treat you like a queen……….Treat me like a queen and off with your head

When you get crapped on, grow a garden.

I don’t worry about GDP. Not when there are so many other combinations of letters to be concerned with.

I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it.

If you KNOW that you’re FUCKED Then you’re NOT If you think that you’re NOT THEN YOU ARE!Isn’t that lovely? Iambic pentangle?

My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your living room carpet.

Oh, of course,” said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. “I forgot we’ll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.

… human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever’s freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

What doesn’t KILL me makes me stronger… Except for the extinction of COFFEE… that might kill me.

What’s the halfway point on a burrito called? Sadness.

I like wooden shoes—John Wooden. They are better for playing basketball. Nail them to the hardwood floor for increased shooting efficiency.

Secret 9.6. When writing a contact report, the term ‘intense vocalization’ should be used in place of words like ‘moan,’ ‘pant’ and ‘sigh.

My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles—that kind of love is just too fast for me. I’ll stick to sticking it in statues.

…he’d assumed their relationship would go on forever. It was going on now, but in another way, like the rearrangement of the stars, which were all still in the sky, just burning in unexpected places.

It’s not that I’m ahead of my time, it’s more that the world is running late.

When you are standing in the middle of a storm you have two choices: Pray to God that it goes away. Or, start praying to God that he gives you the wisdom to figure out...

I fight with the strength of many lion meows. I love even more ferociously.

A half-truth is 90% of the story. The other 10% is tithed to God.

There was a naked jock on my bed and a thing with tentacles coming out of my toilet. One of these things did not belong, and if you tell me that it was the naked...

Coffee and me are best friends. The only difference between Coffee and my other best friends is I drink coffee, and I ate all my other friends.

Such was the number of the barbarians, that when they shot forth their arrows the sun would be darkened by their multitude.” Dieneces, not at all frightened at these words, but making light of the...

I was alive back then. And all the Lore heard about the ruthless warlord brothers from Estonia. The general, the scholar, the enigma, and . . . the manwhore.

Hypocrisy/hi pakrise/ noun1. The moment you tell someone it is not important to be right, in order to look right to everyone else.

She asked for the time, and I said that information is for sale—by the slice. 60 slices in a whole pie.

There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t.

Fragen über Fragen, und keine Antworten weit und breit. Ja, ja, das Leben ist hart. Ananas macht es weicher.

The office is painted with green and red stripes. It’s not painted that way so my mom can experience Christmas 364 more days a year. It represents the stock market, with green symbolizing greed, and...

Down with tyranny!’ Bramble cried. ‘Aristocracy! Autocracy! Monocracy! Other ocracy things! You are outnumbered, sir! Surrender!

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: “Marshawn Lynch” Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can’t be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a...

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Once she called to invite me to a concert of Liszt piano concertos. The soloist was a famous South American pianist. I cleared my schedule and went with her to the concert hall at Ueno...

It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, which make sense because yesterday I frowned so much I ended up pulling my groin muscle.

If the CIA isn’t a force for truth, what is it good for? (Truth, I mean, not the CIA.)

I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.