Azerowut, I must tend to an urgently urgent business and a business that is urgent most urgently. Watch over my tent with extreme care and care that is caring in the extreme, and do not,...

I have only two wishes,” said Jean. “The first is for strong coffee, and the second is for stronger coffee.

I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time but not my space.

Where was I last night? I don’t remember myself. I mean I remember me—I didn’t suffer from an out-of-body experience—but I myself don’t remember. I remember being there, but not where there was, or being...

I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.

I didn’t want to do it,’ Kiala said. ‘The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually.

I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

They’re book addicts.

Do not put statements in the negative form.And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that agreat deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.Never...

Over 90% of my do-nothing attitude can be attributed to one thing—nothing. So can the other 10%—but that’s just the free sample part.

I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination.

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.

It unscrews the other way.

I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort of lay there, trying to stretch out my investment.

I’m jealous of your hooks,” Kevin replied. “Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands.”Don’t be ridiculous,” one of the white-faced women replied. “Having a white face is worse than both of...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I won’t clap when you die. I mean I would cheer, but applause would be inappropriate at your funeral, an event I’d miss because I’ll be celebrating.

The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile.

Well blow me down with a solar flare.

lost girls.

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law...

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

She drowned in a coffee cup the size of a swimming pool. It really helped wake me up to my own mortality.

I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies.

I saw some kids at an elementary school, and I thought, I wonder if those kids are mine? Any of them—or all of them. It’s possible, because I love making love.

What is evil?’ you ask. To which I reply, ‘Who are you, Friedrich Nietzsche?’ To which you respond, ‘Duh, wha? Me no understand.’Then I put you back in your cage.

Alanna: All I know is that I’m to jump when I’m told and I have no free time.

I had one friend with same-sex orientation, and Dana hadn’t spoken to me since I asked her to describe her honeymoon in graphic detail—and then made vibrator noises.

I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.

I had some good sex last night. How do I know it was good? Because I was participating, and not just a passive spectator and photographer.

I’d appreciate a phone call before you try to break into my office again-Matthew Carter

‘Why are you yelling at the television when you know they cannot hear you?’ ‘You wouldn’t understand,’ said Asher, his gaze locked on the screen. ‘It’s a human thing.’

How can such scary looking parents create something so cute?

I didn’t set out to discover Truth. I was simply hungry and digging deep in the back of the fridge and boom! there it was. And I’ve got to tell you, the Truth was tasty.

If we really exist merely to fulfill God’s plan: then life is a television drama; with God being the scriptwriter, the director, and, the audience.

Were the stars against him? A woman’s fingers are quicker in the sky and shine more brightly.

Forget cloning. I can make people. It’s called sex, and it’s more fun than science.

Jokes are many things. ‘Funny’ is only one of them.

I now warn the reader not to mock me and my mental daze. It is easy for him and me to decipher now a past destiny; but a destiny in the making is, believe me,...

but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine.

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote,you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.”- Hun, A. T.

Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something.”Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn’t even sure if it was an insult. And if...

I love nature. It beats having to flush.

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you’re qualified.

It is a strange thing that the human species can only go three days without water and three weeks without food, before the body dies. Yet, so many people can go years hanging onto pain...