Do you find this…distracting?

The right people came along with the right tools (eyelids), and it was goodnight, war. Peace felt like such a dream, probably because it was.

Rule #3 – It’s okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself.

We’re all divorced from reality – the only question is whether you’re paying alimony or receiving it.

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the ‘totality’. The television also told her she wouldn’t age if she bought expensive...

As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard’s robes, and pointed...

[Janco] paused. His eyes held a distant gleam as if seeing into his past. ‘My first practice was a shock. I was a cocky smart aleck–‘[Opal] ‘Was?'[J] ‘Be quiet. I’m telling a story here.

I am not perfect, but if I looked perfect to everyone I must have been rocking imperfect perfectly to a few imperfect souls that seek imperfection vs. perfection, in an imperfect world where God asks...

He held out his hand to Sophie, just like Mrs. Pentstemmon, but a little less royally. Sophie levered herself up, wondering if she was meant to kiss this hand or not. But since she felt...

I knew that kind of thinking was paranoid, but after the wacky crap that had happened to me over the last couple of months, these days I’d be suspicious of a jolly white-bearded man in...

Just because your opinion counts doesn’t mean it should multiply.

I’ll eat this world like coffee-flavored bubblegum. I’ll chew thoroughly before I swallow.

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

I don’t get it. I’m sexually attractive to a remarkable degree-“”And humble.””It’s not bragging if it’s true. And I’m his-which means, this is in the bag. Or should be.

What do you think they’re going to do to us when they find us guilty?” she says after a few minutes of silence have passed.”Honestly?””Does now seem like the time for honesty?”I look at her...

The political brain is shaped like a peanut, only not as big.

If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.

Is it because I’m invisible?

I understand the gist of your speculation,’ said Rhialto. ‘It is most likely nuncupatory.

A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company of others who posses similar intellects and interests. And as I have just...

To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart – that’s if I had one.

Do you think it’s possible for an entire nation to be insane?

A burial should be more than a fire pit, arena seating, and a squirming politician strapped to a pile of wood. There should also be marshmallows.

And the news got worse. It appeared that there was this whole other person Jesus Christ whose birthday a lot of people tended to confuse with mine. I was personally outraged. It was a long...

Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.

The past—I’m looking forward to it.

They turned to Angel. “We will call you Little One,” the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing.”Okay,” said Angel agreeably. “I’ll call you Guy in a White Lab Coat.”...

I’d love to…but only with you.

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.

Ich war erfolgreich, sah ganz vernünftig aus und ich hielt mich an sich für einen liebenswerten Menschen. Ich hatte eine Kontaktanzeige nicht nötig. Im Gegenteil, mir lagen die Männer sozusagen zu Füßen. Zwar lauter Idioten,...

Jev stroked his chin. “Do I look like a summer fling?

All humans are insane, they exists because insanity exists.

Instead of sidewalks, why not sideruns? After all, the pace of life is faster than it has ever been, so I think our infrastructure’s nomenclature should reflect that.

I don’t understand how I could have believed you were a warm, affectionate, and tenderhearted person! You’re obviously as prickly as a porcupine and any man who comes close to you will end up with...

Hold on to your friends.Resist – or move onBe mad, be rashSmoke and explodeSell all of your clothesJust bear in mind:There just might come a timeWhen you need some friends

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

My love started the day I was born. If you run you can probably catch up. Remember, think marathon—not sprint.

Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

Excluding starches, preservatives, emulsifiers and artificial flavoring, Soylent Green is actually less than 2% people.

I have a body like a mannequin. I must, because instead of women trying to get me naked, they only want to see me with clothes on.

A brick could be used to say hi to Pink Floyd.

Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A writer’s Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can’t Get Enough.

You have a valid complaint, and I do recognize it … but you are reading into things a little bit. Just the same, I will do my best to make horrible things happen to a...

Some people work in the medical field, others in the legal field, while I work in the green field. Except in winter, and then I work in the brown field.

Nosferatu is the daddy of modern American sex.

Wish you were here” on the back, where exactly are you saying you wish they were?

Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.

Tomorrow I’d probably wake up to find my shoes talking to me. And let me tell you, the price I pay for shoes, they’d have one heck of an attitude.

People said there had to be a Supreme Being because otherwise how could the universe exist, eh?And of course there clearly had to be, said Koomi, a Supreme Being. But since the universe was a...