When it comes to texting the power of you thumbs compel you

To me, nudity is a joke. I don’t think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be...

If you want walking dolphins and talking sandwiches, you’re lucky to have me buying shoes for you—and selling them to you. I’ll give you the best price (for myself), because business is better when love...

Wisdom you speak, Obi Tina.”None of that – I’m the one who gets to speak backwards – no, we’re both wrong – that’s the little green guy, Yoda.”You’re right. So I just get to pout...

I like being right more than I like keeping friends. Certainly this leaves me lonely, but at least I’m always certain.

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they...

maturity”, animated lives around him, it might be said that Reverend Gwyon had reached maturity.

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up!

Fuck. I knew it,” she whispered.

After dinner, at five o’clock, the crew distributed folding canvas cots to the passengers, and each person opened his bed wherever he could find room, arranged it with the bedclothes from his petate, and set...

Tohru: “Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It’s terrible! You see?! They’re animals!”Mailman: “Well, uh, yes, they certainly are. Here’s your mail.”Tohru: “No, no, we’ve got to do something!”(Shigure in dog...

Writing a novel is like going a great distance to take a small shit.

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.

The Death Mist is not for helping!” Akhlys shrieked. “It shrouds mortals in misery as their souls pass into the Underworld. It is the very breath of Tartarus, of death, of despair!””Awesome,” Percy said. “Could...

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.

fine” has like seventy meanings and depending on voice inflexion can actually mean ‘If I’m questioned again I’ll stab you in your sleep’.

I could do more pull-ups with a midget on my back, than a midget could do with me on his back. This makes me the superior land animal.

Restraining, saving, assuring your checkbook balance…what does all taht amount to? If I go broke one day I’ll just take out loans

Many people wonder, is my love a llama—or an alpaca? The answer, is yes.

There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.

Piper: it looks like we have hole. Percy: Yeah we’ve got a dam hole! (LOL-ing) Piper: What! Percy: Inside joke. (still LOL-ing) Piper: Whatever.

Obama’s plan for “change”: Let’s do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn’t suck badly enough the first time!

You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.

I made her a bathing suit—out of saran wrap. We made love like leftovers.

The wise man sees the fool & laughs & the fool never knows why

This core concept is so fundamental to her life that she even had a custom grand piano made where the keys aren’t black and white—they’re green and red. As a side note, do you think...

Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)

I have been lately introduced to the famous Thomas Paine, and like him very well. He is vain beyond all belief, but he has reason to be vain, and for my part I forgive him....

You look disappointed to see me, Zach,” Macey teased. “Don’t you like my jacket?

I’ve eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as “Chicken Lo Mein.

Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.

I wish somebody would have told my grandpa about the Cold War, so he could have at least put on a jacket.

I had always dreamed of being a professional escort but never thought that there was any real money in it.

I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? ” – Tabitha

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

I’ve been living on the edge for so long, my friends call me Cliff

Social progress: for the same price as last year, I get a slimmer candy bar, less chips per bag, and I have to walk a little further to work, because to spend the same amount...

Pakistan not only means freedom and independence but the Muslim Ideology which has to be preserved, which has come to us as a precious gift and treasure and which, we hope other will share with...

Accepting your help, I’m not doing it for me—I’m doing it for you. You need to help me more than I need your help, so I’ll help both of us win and take, take, take.

My mother is European and expresses her love through food and cuddling. She wasn’t the type of mother who would make it to school plays or soccer games, but if you wanted to stay at...

You do have a plan?”Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t!

Then Dad started going on about the complex geological formations in this part of the coast until Mum told him to shut up. But she was smiling when she said it. Lucy liked that.

Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time

I have seen what comes of being patient,” Amanda said with a boding look. “And I have no opinion of it.””What does come of it?” Inquired Sir Gareth.”Nothing!

Mmm,” said Ares, without turning his head. “This war on terror isn’t producing enough casualties. Bringing in Iran is the obvious choice, but I don’t think they’ve got enough fire power yet. I wonder if...

I’m not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.

I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

… the novel, arguably the author’s best, had a disquieting power, like a sleeping crocodile.

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.