God helps those who strut their stuff.

You have something on your neck. What Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway? Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. And ran into...

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted...

Among the dragons, the prohibition against asking direct questions did not exist, and-as Harrier discovered immediately-dragons were even more outrageous gossips than sailors.

Not even death can keep me from the woman I love. And why should it? My death won’t keep me from voting for President every four years.

Me, too.

Bitten? You mean you’re a-“”A werewolf,” said the girl. “Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole’s sister.

Songwriting is a bitch. And then it has puppies

I mean, it’s just sex. It’s simple biology, right? You build up tension and stress– you need to open a valve somewhere and let it out, or you’ll explode. Nothing deep and emotional about it,...

Sure, politicians rob from us, the people—but only because it’s in our best interest. If they didn’t rob from us, somebody else would, and this other scoundrel wouldn’t even bother to wrap the theft in...

I am a man of science, not someone’s snuggle-bunny!

The door buzzer sounded again. The two boys exchanged a single look before both bolting down the narrow hallway to the door. Jordan got there first. He grabbed for the coatrack that stood by the...

There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands…

If I got upset every time someone beat me, or chased me, or tried to rape me, I’d be crying in my cereal every morning. No one likes a whiner.

Well now,” the scholar went on, “I’m just an old fuddy-duddy who could use a tan, so you needn’t grant my opinion any authority, but I consider the queendom lucky that a handful of Milliners...

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you’re married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don’t need a girlfriend

At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. Guess which one got cleaned out and which one hardly got touched.

Anyone who knew the word slattern was worth cultivating as a friend.

Are you sleepwalking?’ A voice asked behind me. “I was testing dorm security,” I said. “It sucks.

My family tree spreads wide as well. I am a great ape, and you are a great ape, and so are chimpanzees and orangutans and bonobos, all of us distant and distrustful cousins.I know this...

After years of immaturity, I finally have my act together. As far as acting, it’s very slapstick.

If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I’d probably reply, “Two gallons of milk and a midget.

I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.

Sticking one’s head in the sand is a deep human impulse. Like when you feel some kind of bump or growth on the back of your neck, and your heart jumps, because, Christ, that could...

You used nunchucks on a moose?”Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. “I used all sorts of things on that bastard.

An uncomfortable marriage can not bear the strain of the death of a beloved donkey.

It’s a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.

A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman.

I’ve always been one to share things. Particularly things like responsibility and blame.

She calls me Honeylips.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Be kind to everyone, everyone is going through something

I want to be the guy who the guy you admire admires. I hope his name is Guy, because I admire M.C. Escher.

I sprained my knee. I was Elbowing at the time. Elbowing is a new dance I invented for those random moments of romance that break out at funerals.

Perhaps you are thinking: ‘But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don’t have that kind of money.’Don’t be silly. You’re a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?Perhaps you are...

What if a pair of us head off on our own?” Nollin proposed, panting. “A small detachment might avoid detection.””It’s a gamble,” Ferrin said. “If the duo gets noticed, they’ll be defenseless. Who’d you have...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.

The dead know everything but they don’t give a damn.

By challenging the notion of what art is, Duchamp became a great artist. Also, Duchamp was a champion of Men’s Bathroom Attendants everywhere.

I am the All Three Cats of love, and if you had to choose, you’d be wise to pick the middle one.

My love is greater than a cheese grater, and was instrumental in the creation of the pizza industry. And by instrumental I mean an acoustic guitar.

Marsh: Our best efforts were never even a mild annoyance to the Lord Ruler.”Kelsier: Ah, but being an annoyance is something that I am very good at. In fact, I’m far more than just a...

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man”.

So this is what men are like. Well, that’s it, then – I am going to be a lesbian.

I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success.

The river didn’t fall down the mountain. No, it took the escalator. I love swimming down stairs like I’m Michael Phelps in a wheelchair.

This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. –Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical

Bridget – I like my tea like I like my men. Strong, sweet and dark.Joan – I like my tea like I like my men too. Still warm.

You have to figure that there is something seriously wrong with somebody who wants to enter a profession that deals with whether people are screwing enough. Dealing with spirits, spooks, and demons almost seemed normal.

I don’t know what I expected – no maybe I do, Al Pacino from Scarface- but this drug dealer is more like Al Pacino at the beginning of The Godfather reasonably bemused, untouched by his...