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Asshole  Quotes
Idealists are either blind or clowns; because they think it is possible to have a beautiful world with asshole creatures like humans.

—M.F. Moonzajer

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AssholeBeautifulBlind
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Pride is born as a mountaintop on a valley, but dies as an abyss in which it is too deep and too dark to see the better.

—Criss Jami

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AbyssAdversityArrogance
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Why?’ He asked.’Why what?’ What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I’d like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don’t tell.

—Michelle Hodkin

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AssholeBabiesClothes
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My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeHumorPaper-Mill
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You are so fool worshiping and dreaming her like an angel; while another asshole is banging her right now.

—M.F. Moonzajer

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AngelAssholeBanging
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The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeChildhood-MemoriesHumor
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He’s not god! He’s just the asshole who fucks with us.

—Satoshi Kon

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AngerAssholeAtheism
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I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeEmployeesFire
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Time doesn’t change anything; that is why we still worship asshole Arabs.

—M.F. Moonzajer

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AnythingArabsAsshole
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I didn’t shave my mustache off. Instead what I did was taped Elton John’s asshole to my top lip and then all of the sudden I had twice the dick in my mouth as before....

—Jarod Kintz

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AbsurdAssholeDick
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. . . the only way to tell off an asshole was face-to-face and to look fantastic doing it. So, here she was, with perfect makeup, hair done in a riot of waves that had...

—Roberta Pearce

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AssholeRevenge-Is-SweetVanity
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I had a dream about you. Before I shaved my beard, I looked like a cat. My facial hair accurately represented my political beliefs, and if you don’t agree, well you can just lick my...

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeBeardsBelief
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Let’s be assholes and enjoy the life.

—M.F. Moonzajer

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AssholeEnjoyFun
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I didn’t need to be a writer to know that I could. Did you have to become a penis to act like a dick?

—Crystal Woods

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AssholeConfidenceDick
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I can’t believe you cheated!” “I can’t believe you didn’t know it. Man, what kind of got are you? I never knew stupidity had a divine representative. Guess I was wrong, huh?” “You’re such an...

—Sherrilyn Kenyon

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AssholeCheatingGods
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I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.

—Jarod Kintz

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AnalAnal-LubeAsshole
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You can’t make silly people stay away from you; all you can do is staying away from them.

—M.F. Moonzajer

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AssholeFarFool
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My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they can’t take me out on a date.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeBurntDate
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I can’t believe you cheated!” I can’t believe you didn’t know it. Man, what kind of god are you? I never knew stupidity had a divine representative. Guess I was wrong, huh?” “You’re such an...

—Sherrilyn Kenyon

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AssholeCheatingDivine-Representative
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A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeCandleHumor
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Sometimes being a nice person is all about knowing when to be an asshole.

—John Cheese

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AddictionAssholeCracked
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My cat just licked my eyeball. Probably because I look like an asshole. I also look like an asshole.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeCatsHumor
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To speak a language that was as intimate and free as certain dreams, saying darkly, thrillingly, My cock inside of you. Your come in my mouth … He focused on the boy’s slim, tight hips;...

—Paul Russell

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AssholeCockDreams
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The poor girl ws keeping that student’s letter as a precious treasure, and had run to fetch it, her only treasure, because she did not want me to go away without knowing that she, too,...

—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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AssholeBelittleEgo
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Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.

—Louis C.K.

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AssholeAwarenessImportance
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My face doesn’t match my personality. Maybe it would if instead of a mouth I had an asshole in its place.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeFaceMouth
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Don’t be an asshole. Just because you have one, it doesn’t mean it’s okay to act like it.

—Christian Simamora

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AssholeBitchIndonesia
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To lose a worthless friend is worthy of a testimony.

—Michael Bassey Johnson

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AssholeBreakupFriendship
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So are there any asshole guys here I can start dating?’ she says. ‘That’s, like, my pattern.

—Gillian Flynn

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AssholeDating
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Assistant” around your asshole.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeAssistantBoss
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It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and...

—Alexei Maxim Russell

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AssholeAssholeryAssholes
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He could be so charming and irreverent and witty, and then-bam!-a switch flipped and he reverted right back to the cocky asshole everyone reported him to be.

—Lauren Weisberger

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AssholeCharmingCocky
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I have the ostrich of an asshole. I also have the asshole of an ostrich. With these two things, I have everything I need. Well, aside from love.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeBirdBirds
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My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeCatsFood
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Pain was as much a part of this life as the summer and the winter and the rain, and there was no greater asshole than the one who believed you can cure it.

—Brian McGreevy

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AssholeBelieveCure
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You’re right, I do indeed want you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re an asshole.

—Lexi Cubbins

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AssholeHumorWant
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You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeFunnyHumor
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I considered sex work, but then I bent over and looked at my asshole in a mirror. Nobody was going to pay me for access to that thing.

—Jeremy Robert Johnson

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AssholeMirrorSex
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Bitten? You mean you’re a-“”A werewolf,” said the girl. “Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole’s sister.

—Cassandra Clare

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AssholeClary-FrayHumor
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Bitte. Es ist Morgan! Abschlussballkönig, Sportstar, Einserkandidat, Rebell, Sexgott.” – Tori

—Simona Dobrescu

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AssholeBad-BoyBadass
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There’s bird shit on my toilet paper, and my asshole stings from such a long flight.

—Jarod Kintz

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AssholeBirdBird-Shit
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