He could be so charming and irreverent and witty, and then-bam!-a switch flipped and he reverted right back to the cocky asshole everyone reported him to be.

You are so fool worshiping and dreaming her like an angel; while another asshole is banging her right now.

I considered sex work, but then I bent over and looked at my asshole in a mirror. Nobody was going to pay me for access to that thing.

My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.

My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they can’t take me out on a date.

I can’t believe you cheated!” I can’t believe you didn’t know it. Man, what kind of god are you? I never knew stupidity had a divine representative. Guess I was wrong, huh?” “You’re such an asshole.”-Phobos & Diemos

Why?’ He asked.’Why what?’ What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I’d like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don’t tell.

Time doesn’t change anything; that is why we still worship asshole Arabs.

Let’s be assholes and enjoy the life.

Don’t be an asshole. Just because you have one, it doesn’t mean it’s okay to act like it.

The poor girl ws keeping that student’s letter as a precious treasure, and had run to fetch it, her only treasure, because she did not want me to go away without knowing that she, too, was honestly and genuinely loved; that she, too, was addressed respectfully. No doubt that letter was destined to lie in...

I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.

There’s bird shit on my toilet paper, and my asshole stings from such a long flight.

I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.

You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod.

So are there any asshole guys here I can start dating?’ she says. ‘That’s, like, my pattern.

My face doesn’t match my personality. Maybe it would if instead of a mouth I had an asshole in its place.

My cat just licked my eyeball. Probably because I look like an asshole. I also look like an asshole.

I didn’t need to be a writer to know that I could. Did you have to become a penis to act like a dick?

The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.

I didn’t shave my mustache off. Instead what I did was taped Elton John’s asshole to my top lip and then all of the sudden I had twice the dick in my mouth as before. It was almost more than I could swallow. Almost.

You’re right, I do indeed want you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re an asshole.

Sometimes being a nice person is all about knowing when to be an asshole.

You can’t make silly people stay away from you; all you can do is staying away from them.

Pride is born as a mountaintop on a valley, but dies as an abyss in which it is too deep and too dark to see the better.

It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.

I can’t believe you cheated!” “I can’t believe you didn’t know it. Man, what kind of got are you? I never knew stupidity had a divine representative. Guess I was wrong, huh?” “You’re such an asshole.”-Phobos & Diemos

. . . the only way to tell off an asshole was face-to-face and to look fantastic doing it. So, here she was, with perfect makeup, hair done in a riot of waves that had taken a ridiculously long time to create, and a brand new screw you and the horse you rode in on...

To speak a language that was as intimate and free as certain dreams, saying darkly, thrillingly, My cock inside of you. Your come in my mouth … He focused on the boy’s slim, tight hips; with the tip of his tongue he tasted an asshole’s bitter, forbidden mystery.

To lose a worthless friend is worthy of a testimony.

Assistant” around your asshole.

I have the ostrich of an asshole. I also have the asshole of an ostrich. With these two things, I have everything I need. Well, aside from love.

Pain was as much a part of this life as the summer and the winter and the rain, and there was no greater asshole than the one who believed you can cure it.

He’s not god! He’s just the asshole who fucks with us.

Bitte. Es ist Morgan! Abschlussballkönig, Sportstar, Einserkandidat, Rebell, Sexgott.” – Tori

My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.

A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.

I had a dream about you. Before I shaved my beard, I looked like a cat. My facial hair accurately represented my political beliefs, and if you don’t agree, well you can just lick my asshole.

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.

Idealists are either blind or clowns; because they think it is possible to have a beautiful world with asshole creatures like humans.

Bitten? You mean you’re a-“”A werewolf,” said the girl. “Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole’s sister.