terrorism n.Violence for political purposes or the politically motivated threat of violence which, either intentionally or unintentionally, challenges the state’s monopoly on political violence.

Then again, in some of our meetings, the Upyri bring cocktails, shaking both cocks and tails. Bitches. You can’t live with them, they can’t live without you. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Her name was Melody, and she was like a song. A song on mute—because she was mute. Music to my heart.

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable...

Last night I stayed up late talking about tomorrow, and today I regret it because I was way off (by about 24 hours).

Never let other people bring you down let Jesus be the one who brings you down, because he knows what he is doing

there is a fine line between sarcasm and hostility, you seemed to have crossed it. What’s up?

It looks as though your shop is doing well,” Luka said gazing around, “Could you help me find a gift for a lady friend of mine?”My heart plunged to my grenn satin slippers, and I...

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don’t have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth — pointless and extremely painful.”–David Palmer

With the money I spend on alcohol, I could support a family of four, assuming they are all heavy drinkers.

I’ll make birthday to you like turkey on wheat. Hold the mayonnaise—and hold me tightly. My love candle burns bright for you like a black hole.

Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

I suppose that’s one of the ironies of life doing the wrong thing at the right moment.

i’m only an independent woman when there’s nothing heavy to carry

Also not the kind of place to hide a server.””Is that another pun?” She asked.”No! I swear! I didn’t mean that one.”~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in my father’s shadow. But then he takes a few steps, or bends down to stretch his back, and I get to enjoy the sunlight for a few moments.

Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

I want him to kiss my ass in Macy’s window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses.

Just because it makes no sense doesn’t mean it’s not good advice.

Most people new to a city on the ocean would probably go to the beach during the day when there are people around. I, on the other hand, decided to try a midnight swim at...

Cats can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without regard to what anyone says or does. Rather like Princesses.

All the Debbies in the world are too big to be little. Makes me wish I were just two inches taller, you know? I blame my dad—or the mailman. Not sure yet. I get the...

For dessert I ate a desert. It was sandy, and so was the name of the woman I ate dinner with. She had a dry sense of humor, and that is why I wore a...

I had no idea he thought he was funny, tried to be funny, or actually is funny until he made me laugh so hard I peed all over his feet at the urinal.

Never before have the tools of value creation been so great and the potential artisans so busy watching the Kardashians.

Boys say they don’t mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you’re alone with a masculine...

Popularity’s a weird thing. You can’t really define it, and it’s not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn.

Ignorance is bliss, except when it hurts

Grandpa said I was speeding, but he drives as fast as a parked car, so anything that moves as fast as a statue is supersonic.

I am not who I pretend to be, even when I act like myself.

When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t regret not having spent more time cleaning. Buy brown carpet, to camouflage the coffee stains.

Jean-Baptiste Say may have coined the term ‘entrepreneur’ but he totally missed the opportunity to put it on a t-shirt and sell it.

I don’t use a crap camera, I don’t eat junk, and I’m not going to a dance where the boys are bores

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”[Mark Twain, a Biography]

No one believes a liar. Even when she’s telling the truth.

Hippos are the very definition of Disney cute. There is no way you could look at a big, fat, squishy, huggable hippo and not think, “Id she could talk like a human, she would sound...

Just because I wear a size 14 shoe does not mean I’ll take it off when I go to shake your hand.

One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

Today someone asked me if that old stereotype about hot-headed Italians is true. I answered this way: About 2,000 years ago, there was a guy running around hollering about peace & love … and we...

I’m the good kind of crazy, though.

Oh my!! How you’ve grown. Soon you’ll be catching the Lord’s balls.

In the darkened recesses of the Suburban, my opinion of the vampire rose considerably. There were far worse things than having to drink blood to survive. I could tolerate him, so long as he didn’t...

I am a fact factory. I make things you can’t make up.

You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now get me out of this Time Fridge before I self-cannibalize! I walked a...

He thinks himself rather an exceptional young man, thoroughly sophisticated, well adjusted to his environment, and somewhat more significant than any one else he knows.

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying ‘flee at once – all is discovered.’ They all left town immediately.

A number of people who I’ve talked to about this assume that I got into a fight with the cops. (Because of, y’know, the militant politics.) I actually had an audience member come up to...