Raw vegetables leave me overjoyed with raw emotion. My love for her can best be summed up with one carrot and a cheese grater.

My love is greater than a cheese grater, and was instrumental in the creation of the pizza industry. And by instrumental I mean an acoustic guitar.

My hobbies include rubbing my nipples across a cheese grater, meeting cat ladies on Tinder, and voting for either Democrat or Republican every four years. You could say I am a torture enthusiast.

If you were to ask me what kind of musical sound I aspire to produce, that noise would be a wet nipple sliding across a cheese grater. I’m a sucker for love songs.