While I’m no Major League Baseball prospect, I have thrown a few no-hitters in my day. And not only were there no hitters, there was also nobody there to catch.

You use magic to start the fire.

It’s a shiny tin can of a day, bright but gray. Welcome to one of Florida’s two overcast days per year. A Florida winter can last a brutally long 48 hours, and in that time...

Crap, are you thinking what I’m thinking?””I’m thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood,” Claire said. “Is that it?””No, I was thinking we’re out of chips. Of course that’s what I was thinking.

A band should be more famous than an individual, because all else being equal, the band has more mothers and fathers to lend support.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

Years from now, when I’m successful and happy, …and he’s in prison… I hope I’m not too mature to gloat.

If I had my clone take a test for me, it’s likely I’d misspell my own name. And I’m terrible at remembering people’s names—even if that person is me.

[Hades] returned his attention to the playlist while I eased the car back on the road. His fingers flipped deftly over the screen. ‘Orpheus…Dusk…Orpheus…Dusk…do you have anything on here that doesn’t make people want to...

The ultimate dead end is murder. My house is on a dead-end street, and it’s killing me. My house is so small it’s trying to suffocate me.

Here,” Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. “Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone.” He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the...

3) Saturday night is the official meeting night of Penny Lane’s Lonely Hearts Club. Attendance is mandatory. Exceptions are for family emergencies and bad hair days only.

The Maker of the universe with stars a hundred thousand light-years apart was interested, furious, and very personal about it if a small boy played baseball on Sunday afternoon.

I raise my head and see a red illuminated EXIT sign and as my eyes adjust I see tigers, cavemen with long spears, cavewomen wearing strategically modest skins, wolfish dogs. My heart is racing and...

Winter and spring blended together this year like ice in water, and I was left thirsting for love. I’d better lay off the saltine crackers.

Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didn’t know at theirage that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he’d make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin...

We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood around thinking we’d been stood up.

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right?

I never saw a dollar bill cry at anyone’s funeral.

You’d tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story.

Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.

Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?

Never get a mime talking. He won’t stop.

I sat next to a salmon on the sofa. After ten minutes of bear-like conversation, it was dead. Oh well, at least surrealism is still alive.

I mean, you know—like, a cute beast. A little beast that tears shit up and breaks the earth and sucks the life out of people.

I wish I could plug my electronics into a lake and have them powered by lightning. Or better yet—why can’t my love be used to light up the whole world?

Sometimes, though, you have to do things for family, even if you’d rather not.

I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I...

Twitteren is eigenlijk zoals vissen. Een tweet is een vislijn met aas. En dan moet je wachten tot iemand toehapt. Soms lang, soms kort.

What doesn’t kill you makes a good story.

If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I’d say, “Now.” But you’d also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes...

Really?” Claire said, and couldn’t help but smile. “That’s what creeps you out. Waxing. You can take on vampires and draug and killers, but you’re afraid of a little chest-hair pulling?

The trees at Cloudwalk have been my friends for forty years. I’m sure if I were sawed in half, our rings would match.

How did you get so wise?

Where are you from? New York?””Weird you picked up on that,” she said, “I’ve been gone from there for so long.”Like a couple of decades could dilute that accent.

Two butterflies in two socks could walk faster than I can run. A love song will jog your memory like I jog like Roger Bannister in a wheelchair.

Huh?” I say.

Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times.

Maybe I should let my faithful manservant answer the rest of your questions, since he seems to have all the answers.””I’m saving her time,” Bodie replied. “She brings you a redhead, you’ll give her grief....

If I could have money for any amount of time, I’d take 12:59.

He said that he was sure you would be amendable to this course of action.” April paused, eyes widening, before she said indignantly, “I believe he may have lied to me!

Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials

I want to do something spontaneous, like combust.

Wait, I got it. We, uh, won the battle and lost the war, or was it the other way around? ‘Cause around here, it’s hard to tell sometimes.

I collect human skin. I keep it all on the bumper of my car.

…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs,...

There’s bacon in my bed. Extra crispy, like the fresh dollar bills stuffed in the mattress. I make love like I make sure I’m prepared for the next financial crisis.

Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

Any civilization where the main symbol of religious veneration is a tool of execution is a bad place to have children.

I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze.”(Letter to Cynthia Asquith, November 1913)