[Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.You oaf. He...

The French Revolution was the best thing to ever happen inside a croissant the shape of the Fertile Crescent, with a flaky crust like a politician with dandruff.” Of course, when Orafoura told me this...

What’s a Dullahan?”He’s a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.”Headless?”Yes.”Seriously?”Yes.”So he has no head?”That’s usually what headless means.”No head at all?”You’re really getting hung up on this headless thing, aren’t you?”It’s just kind...

There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.

I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can’t tell it.

The only way to eat Cheerios is without cheer. Could a product name be more of an oxymoron?

My name is Nicomo Cosca, famed solider of fortune, and I am here for dinner.

A typical race morning usually starts out looking like a scene from a zombie movie: individuals or pairs of people walking down a deserted street, all headed in the same direction…. Inevitably, regardless of the...

I’ll take away your disillusionment, and replace it with an illusion.

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

So nobody got time for people who aren’t worth your time.

My penis smells like pasta. Also, I personally tested it out, and your spaghetti’s not too hot now, if you want to eat it.

Which is him?” The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.

Rhett: If you’ve made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction.

America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists.

Lecture’s over.

Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to be accountable for every one of our actions, we’d be crippled with indecision....

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape...

I hear that all too often.

Many great people had been considered to be boring, like Nigel Mansell, but anyone who had read the racing driver’s autobiography, “Clutch Down, Dick Out”, would know that perception was way off the mark.

All of which does not alter the fact that Pnin was on the wrong train.

Will Human Nature destroy Nature and Humans?

If you absolutely had to have sex with one of the Three Stooges, who would it be?

She meant to write: “Is Christy here yet?”Auto Correct turned it into: “Is crazy here yet?”For once Auto Correct got it right.

Sometimes it feels like I’m walking around with bricks for shoes, not going anywhere.

At least you died and went to heaven

(aside) Oh, you are well tuned now,But I’ll set down the pegs that make this music,As honest as I am.

I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.

I always look like I’m lying. I was born with a politician’s face. You’ll know I’m in love when I have a Vote For Me look in my eyes.

Siempre he soñado con besar a la mujer amada a la luz de la luna -prosigió él con la imbecilidad astronómica propia de tantos enamorados

Love is about forgiveness. And since I love you, you should forgive me.

Don’t let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.

I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love?

I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2 through 32, and I turn 33 in March.

And it’s Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke…

I had a dream about you. We were actors in a horror movie and I was hunting you down with a knife. When I finally cornered you the director yelled “Cut”…. What? I can’t be...

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck…Attempting harder to give a fuck…Sorry, there was an error; fuck not given.

In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up a politician.

My eyes are bronze, my hair is turning silver, and my heart is gold. Oh, and my love for you belongs in the Olympics, because it’s Special.

Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,” said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. “But I must say, Ginevra’s dress is far too low-cut.”Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly...

I stepped on the bug to prove I love her, and show that I’d kill for her. Is there really any mystery as to why the guy she was talking to before me just disappeared...

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

How in the name of Merlin’s pants have you managed to get your hands on those Horcrux books?

A triangle has three points, just like the number of horns my ex had (she was 50% more evil than Satan).

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing–turn your toes out when you walk—And remember who you are!

He thought he saw some horses, too, and a clown, but it was the faces of all those dead raptors that really bothered him. And maybe that clown a little bit.

Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I didn’t have a watch, and I hadn’t been born yet.