We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars).

Do you mean ter tell me,” he growled at the Dursleys, “that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin’ abou’—about ANYTHING?”Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks...

I wouldn’t want to work in a nursery, because I can’t deal with children. Or bees. Can I offer you some tea, or some biscuits and a diaper?

It felt like he’d been dragged through the nine circles of hell — by his testicles.

And like a good neighbor, Alpha Centauri is there.”Touched by an Alien

Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard.

Probably it was for robbing people.

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.

Which way did they go, Peeves?” Filch was saying. “Quick, tell me.” “Say ‘please.'” “Don’t mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?” “Shan’t say nothing if you don’t say please,” said Peeves in...

I have rubbed shoulders with the rich, the powerful, and the armless. It’s how to network when handshakes aren’t an option.

You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they...

I never heard back from her after our first date, so either she’s dead, or she rejected me. I wonder where her funeral was held.

You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me.

What I knew for sure was that he had a quick temper, a cocky attitude, and a southern accent… Apparently he also has a pet cougar.

I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity.

That’s my nickname,” he said.

I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.

Jenna slipped in wearing an outfit that I can only describe as Hello Kitty Goes Goth.

One blanket, coupled with a fluffy pillow, could be implemented as a torture device for insomniacs.

See? This is why I’m not religious. I couldn’t possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.

High Maintenance; I don’t like to live in place that snows a lot, albeit I’d love to visit one. I won’t marry a super model, albeit date one.

You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my...

but you, unlike me, are a git.

It was mild monsters like these that made Jack the Ripper go after young women, she decided: who could tolerate yielding the world to someone who behaved as if she had given birth to the...

Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I’m never sure who’s going to kill me first.

Once I decide not to do something, I’m swift in my action—or rather my actionlessness.

The answer to enemies who heal annoyingly fast is always, always decapitation. That is why swords will never go out of style.

Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you’ll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you...

I had a dream about you. I watched you grow up, and though I enjoyed the whole process, it did get pretty uncomfortable sitting in the tree holding those binoculars all those years.

Confidence is ignorance. If you’re feeling cocky, it’s because there’s something you don’t know.

You can never know where I am or what I am,But I am good company to you nonetheless,And really do regret I broke your inkwell.”(From Meow of Myself, from LEAVES OF CATNIP)

What is with these guys? Where’s the thrill in watching snakes eat?I certainly didn’t thrill in watching humans eat.

My fake mullet wig turns women on. Probably.

Sometimes the most remarkable things seem commonplace. I mean when you think about it jet travel is pretty freaking remarkable. You get in a plane it defies the gravity of a entire planet by exploiting...

at first I thought you were just using me” she said”I definitely am.” I just wasn’t sure for what.”Asshole!” she said, and punched me in the side. And she laughed as my kidney began to...

My humble spirit takes shape as mashed potatoes on the side. I already ate the instructions.

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal...

There are two identical twins, and one has money and one doesn’t. Which one is more attractive to women? Exactly—the one that is naked.

Clearly, you underestimate my relationship with wine and what I do on the weekends when I’m by myself reading.

I was deeply interested in the little family history which he detailed to me with all that candor which a Frenchman indulges whenever mere self is the theme.

One of the greatest myths in the world – & the phrase ‘greatest myths’ is just a fancy way of saying ‘big fat lies’ — is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if...

I had a dream about you last night, you were the same piece of S**t I know and hate in real life.

I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere. * A brick in a...

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

I will pull your pancreas out through your nose and feed it back to you in a drip inserted into your anus is that clear?

By the time she had interpreted Harry’s dreams at the top of her voice (all of which, even the ones that involved eating porridge, apparently foretold a gruesome and early death), he was feeling much...

Rage is a big part of courage. So is cou.

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

I’m thinking of moving my cloning factory to someplace less visible, like in front of a fogged mirror.

This may be impossible for you to believe,” Colt said in a hushed voice, “but as recently as last year, I was a hyper, naive-albeit extremely good-looking-minor myself.””And now you’re a persistent, outdoorsy, unshaven man-boy...