Girls find it rather fun to tease my about my height and the joy I find in the games boys play. Please. I could find a lot of things to say about their stupid makeup...

Those generic avatar images for uploading a personal photo are really convenient for me, because my face looks exactly like that.

You will be very visible in the company photo, also the website and any other marketing materials. There’s no way to avoid it. The photo will only be scheduled when you are in the office,...

Hippos are the very definition of Disney cute. There is no way you could look at a big, fat, squishy, huggable hippo and not think, “Id she could talk like a human, she would sound...

Our dream is parallel to the realitySlumber’s one platform for perpendicularityBut it always went contrary to the plan takenWaking us from sleep to sleep back again

I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do on your behalf, if I could just get my hands on it

When the soul-penetrating pathos she was beaming at me failed to prevent me from continuing to put things in boxes, the helper dog became increasingly alarmed. Over the ensuing few days, she slowly descended into...

I am a fact factory. I make things you can’t make up.

All right, all right, you go right on thinking you an act of God created in his image, and I’ll go right on thinking I’m descended from an ape. When you look in the mirror...

I like to think of this little [newspaper] column as a brassière, or do I mean brasserie? Brazier, possibly. All three! A column that lifts, separates, supports, serves excellent cappuccino and crackles merrily with sweet-smelling...

He thinks himself rather an exceptional young man, thoroughly sophisticated, well adjusted to his environment, and somewhat more significant than any one else he knows.

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

Have some carrots. They’re good for your eyes.””Then you have some fries. They’re good for your… I don’t know. They’re just good.

Never under estimate the power of words. I believe my pen may actually be the sword helping me to break through black shatter proof glass that’s been standing between me and my brighter past.~PoetQs

Coffee has a way of waking my soul, much like drinking liquid heaven would.

In dog years I’d be dead.

On the porch were the still-smoking remains of long-stemmed roses, evidence that someone angry and passive-aggressive didn’t know Peter was out of town.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING?! Oh, right.$1500.” From “Clown Porn” in “Broken Headbone

If hitting an unexpected speed bump with your car equates to the best sex you’ve had lately, you know your hormones are sending you a signal.

If there’s a place for me in Hell I hope it’s next to someone like you

You can’t really yell at your boyfriend for stealing your seat and your best friend. You also can’t yell at your best friend for stealing your boyfriend. Or you can…but Hi seemed like a much...

Wealth—one billion, two billion, what’s the difference? The difference is one billion—the same difference as flat broke, like me, and one billion.

But then it was over too quickly and they pulled away. She knew they couldn’t stand there and kiss like a couple on the run in a thriller.

…O-suzu left whatever work she was doing at her sewing machine and dragged Takeo back to O-yoshi and her son.How dare you behave so selfishly! Now tell O-yoshi-san that you are sorry. Get down on...

Blessed are the organized, for they will gain everything that they’ll never lose.

I knew something was there, precisely because I hadn’t found anything and the space seemed empty. That’s also how I’m searching for love.

MOMB – noun – One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM… Because she’s the BOMB!

I had a dream about you last night… you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

Make your money make money: Buy a printing press and some blank currency paper.

You know where we got stuck? We were looking for faithfull, loving and perfect relationships-males who were always glad to see us.” “So?” “We already have that!” “What do you mean?” “We’ve got dogs!

My life is like a Kevin Smith movie.””Zany and unpredictable?””Mildly humorous but ultimately not worth the effort of paying for a ticket.

Dear Non-American Black, when you make the choice to come to America, you become black. Stop arguing. Stop saying I’m Jamaican or I’m Ghanaian. America doesn’t care.

My Love Machine is tough. It’s built like a tank. At night I’m romantic and so Sun Tzu I’m Moon Tzu. Come, let me make you howl.

Alan: “I had terrible stage fright.”Sin: “I’m not familiar with the concept of ‘stage fright.'”A: “It’s pretty awful. You end up having to picture the entire audience in their underwear. Phyllis was in that audience,...

After a dream like that, you’re grateful that it was just a dream, that no matter how bad your actual life, it couldn’t be worse than your dream life.

My clones will look like me, and therefore I’ll treat them like myself—starting with spending all their hard-earned money. You can’t love someone else if you can’t first love yourself.

Liraz snorted, caught off guard, and the tension between them ebbed away. “I’m sorry of my almost dying interrupted your almost kissing.

I’m too young, too smart and too good-looking to die.

A man who claims to be 32 degrees is one freezing freemason. That man must make love with all the warmth of a shadowy secret.

I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the stuff.

I had a dream that I was perfect…I woke up and was still perfect. Aw.

Will speechless for once, a glass of water frozen halfway to his lips

Call me archaic, but I like making money the old-fashioned way—through prostitution.

Defender of the Laws of Time, Protector of the Galaxy, and the biggest back-rub slut she’d ever seen. [Sam Jones, on the Eighth Doctor]

I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don’t understand explain things you can’t understand.

I’d like to let another person reveal my personality, and I’d like this person to be my clone. My clone would see me from the inside, as well as the outside.

Nothing is more romantic than being able to park in a handicapped spot.”