a man who was, as we say in the restaurant business, one taco short of a combo platter.

If she’s really psychic,” Zack said when he saw Tanisha’s photo at school, “why does she need a doorbell?

Ellie: “You could lie to me. You could tell me to be encouraged, that good will triumph over evil.”Richard: “Good will triumph over evil.”Ellie: “Liar.

My grandma always said that God made libraries so that people didn’t have any excuse to be stupid.

On cheap tippers:”Don’t take it personally; they were deprived somehow as children.On low-fat entrees: “They sell well enough, but nobody’s too happy after the meal.

It was February sixth: eight days until Valentine’s Day. I was dateless, as usual, deep in the vice grip of unrequited love. It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year’s Eve. Now...

People are so cheap. Everyone wants quality, no one wants to pay for it. Here’s the suburban dream– to hire great workers who are such meek morons that they don’t have the guts to ask...

You don’t mince words.””Just garlic.

Mom put dense cheddar bread into a bag for a man who said this was his wife’s favorite – he’d driven all the way from New Jersey to buy it because today was their anniversary....

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, “Bless you,” and would I get him a bottle of Satan’s Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs?Sure thing, Pastor.

When you have something so important, something that you’ll stay awake for, something you know that you were designed to do, well, it’s worth getting a few dark circles, don’t you think?

There they were, the movers and shakers of Benjamin Franklin Hight – the sports stars, the cheerleaders, the good, the great, the gorgeous – bent over their pizzas.Trish sensed my angst and said, “My mother...

Revenge of the Giant Grill Man.

What’s wrong with the world,” Nana explained, “is that people stopped listening to their hearts… “Not everybody stopped listening,” she continued, “but enough people did to make a difference. We’ve go so much in this...

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to be who you are.

When you listen to G. T. Stoop, you understand the importance of being a honorable person, you get charged to fight for the truth, you get angry that so many politicians are playing games with...

You think all teenagers care about are musicians and movie stars?Spend some time in Wisconsin.We’ll blow your socks off.

But then Macon smiled at me. “Just be yourself, Foster. That’s the best thing in the world.

And I suddenly understand what to do when bad things come. You don’t hide, you don’t look away; you get right up on them, you take the reins and you ride.

Now I see that it isn’t the problems along the way that make us or break us. It’s how we learn to stand and face them that makes the difference.

Guys don’t understand great art. They don’t care that sometimes the camera has power beyond the photographer to record emotion that only the heart can see. They’re threatened when the camera jumps ahead of me....

How are things with you, sir?””Fine.” He says it flat.”Coffee black. BLT.”Now my heart tells me this guy needs more in life, so I take a short. “You ever had a cheese burger with grilled...

I’m working hard to have a good life.You don’t need fancy things to feel good. You can hug a puppy. You can buy a can of paint and surround yourself with color. You can plant...

You got to laugh Tree, if you don’t you’ll cry.

I flopped on the overstuffed kitchen couch and watched him go. I wondered what would happen to all his films and photographs in the upstairs closet – the documentaries on homelessness and drug addiction, the...

Why do you think, A.J.,” they say in unison, “that you find these boys so attractive?” I didn’t say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don’t want to hear these...

It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year’s Eve. Now I had to cope with Valentine datelessness, feeling consummate social pressure from every retailer in America who stuck hearts and cupids on...

Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d’oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she...

I don’t do normal. I have a reputation to uphold. (Thwonk)

You know where we got stuck? We were looking for faithfull, loving and perfect relationships-males who were always glad to see us.” “So?” “We already have that!” “What do you mean?” “We’ve got dogs!

What kind of kids live in Mulhoney, Wisconsin? Would they like me? Would I like them? Have they ever eaten sushi? That’s usually how I determine food sophistication. Maybe a personal ad would get the...

We’ve got so much in this life that all we know how to do is want more. So we concentrate on the wrong things–things we can see–as being the measure of a person. We think...

I nearly tripped over Stieglitz, my dog, a forty-pound black-and-white keeshond (pronounced caze-hawnd) furball. He lunged at me with unbridled glee because the mere sight of my presence always made his day. It’s important to...