You’re so lucky to see me twice in one day. You’re honored by my presence, yada, yada, heard it all before. Let’s just move on, shall we. I don’t handle fawning very well.

My hand inside a glove is like a painting in a frame, and should be insured as such. The things my hand makes have immense value, so how much more valuable is the thing that...

plus one.” But I did get all worked up, and I spent the evening on the couch, crying.

I wouldn’t say I’m superficial, just averagely ficial.

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, “So, you’re back from Moscow, eh?

You sure about this writer thing son?

A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking.

I had sex with a statue a few months ago. The sex was so still that I’m still wearing the condom.

This coming from the god who zinged Guinevere and Lancelot while King Arthur was away slaying dragons.

I don’t work out, but I do work in, which requires more focus and stillness.

This is stolen? We’re in a stolen jet?””Not stolen,” said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot’s seat.”Almost stolen,” Gracious corrected.”Semi-stolen,” said Donegan.”Quasi-stolen,” said Gracious. Aurora’s frown did not turn upside down. “So is it stolen or...

I’d have been dead a long time ago if not for my friends, one of whom had just jumped off the cliff after me. I’d have been a lot more appreciative if he hadn’t pushed...

There are no normal people, there are just different kinds of weird, all of it is human and all humanity is better than everything inhuman. So I urge you to keep expressing yourself as honestly...

No, no. Of course not. But you’re immortal. Powerful.

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he’ll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee.”That was code. It...

…Don’t be surprised, and I say it darkly, do not be surprised if you lose your Luke in this cause; perhaps Mrs. Dudley has not yet had her own mid morning snack, and she is...

I’d tell you nice try, but… it wasn’t.

One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.

What’s the big idea?” Sabrina demanded. “I declared war on you, remember?” Puck said. Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Is this another one of your stupid pranks?” Puck sniffed. “You have contaminated me with your puberty...

Nothing goes so well with a hot fire and buttered crumpets as a wet day without and a good dose of comfortable horrors within. The heavier the lashing of the rain and the ghastlier the...

You two go ahead and make out–I’ll just sit here and bleed quietly.

A female cop in my dream observes a shuffle, and takes note, but doesn’t fully see the bank robbery I have just committed during the planned distraction. All she sees is a man with a...

This supreme instance of Troy’s goodness fell upon Gabriel’s ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.

I aspire to pick up that piece of paper that fell on the floor.” Either pick it up or don’t. I don’t want to hear about how your diaper’s full. Take it off or stop...

Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows.

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get...

[She] lost her patience, a thing she was all too prone to misplacing.

What really holds their marriage together are mutual respect of an awesome depth, a shared sense of humor, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves, and a love so unwavering...

If you need help bark like a dog.” – Gendry. “That’s stupid. If I need help I’ll shout help.” – Arya

Ik stak één straat eerder door naar 4th Avenue, omdat ik niet langs de kerk wilde lopen; er zat soms een stenen waterspuwer op die me de stuipen op het lijf joeg. Het was niet...

In a relationship, I’m committed to giving her 100% of 50%.

When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the sting of the slap towards him in punishment.

Fuck you,” said Czernobog. “Fuck you and fuck your mother and fuck the fucking horse you fucking rode in on. You will not even die in battle. No warrior will taste your blood. No one...

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

He quite liked dentists’ waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth.

I had a dream about you. You wore all yellow and I wore all blue, and together we were trying to make the world a little greener. Not through sex, as I wanted, but through...

There is nothing worse than certainty. Doubt makes us weak. That is why it’s so important. I’ve wasted too much of my life trying to be powerful.

I plan on putting off death my whole life.

Cover your glass in France or Germany –even worse, in England – and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you’re not drinking. ‘Oh, I just don’t feel...

If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated....

It was a needless precaution, I felt sure, but men always enjoy marching around with weapons and flexing their figurative muscles, and I saw no reason to deny them this harmless exercise.

I promise I’ll never tell.””Don’t promise that,” he said in an ultraserious voice. “If they try to hurt you and the only way to protect yourself is to tell them what you know about me,...

See, this is what the United States of America is all about.You can wrestle a thousand bears and chew on a billion knives but in the end, you are only as good as the dude...

If a problem is clearly stated, it has no further interest to the physicist.

Her cold, dead body was as stiff as a mannequin, but that didn’t stop me from asking her to dance. I was confident that even as a corpse she’d still have more fluidity on the...

Ever seen a cat with polka-dotted zebra fur? Come to my House of Love Open House this Friday night at 8:00 PM.

However, because they have no actual interests of their own (or if they do, they squelch them in order to fit in) and merely pursue those that they think will look best on their college...

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?

Naked Lunch” that day, but the cafeteria served us all clothing. I like my meals a little more scandalous. I should eat in the library, along with the other gluttonous nudists.