I, the great and powerful D.S. will create a harem for all the women in the world!!!! For a woman, no greater joy exists in the entire universe than to fuck me, the ultimate sex...

Every great oak was once a stubborn little nut who held his ground.

Oh, of course,” said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. “I forgot we’ll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.

Disappointments are often my greatest motivation.

I like wooden shoes—John Wooden. They are better for playing basketball. Nail them to the hardwood floor for increased shooting efficiency.

You like vodka, and I like carpet cleaner. You should try it. It’ll put hair on your chest—really clean hair. Grandpa said it would make me a better lover, but I made me a better...

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. “Do you want a spanking or do you...

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side,’said the dewdrop to the lake.

…he’d assumed their relationship would go on forever. It was going on now, but in another way, like the rearrangement of the stars, which were all still in the sky, just burning in unexpected places.

I went in the dark room. It wasn’t filled with photograph negatives, but it was filled with nighttime.

Jako kdyby tě zajímalo její srdce! Jsi snad kardiolog? To určitě. Ta holka má IQ dortový polevy.

A half-truth is 90% of the story. The other 10% is tithed to God.

Writing a first-draft battle scene is akin to real combat—chaos, confusion, and you must keep your cool as you fire word bullets downrange.

I figured something out,” he said aloud. “The future is unpredictable.”Hassan said, “Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.

It had been an embarrassing moment, like the one you get when you realize for the first time that you have what it takes to become an accountant.

Such was the number of the barbarians, that when they shot forth their arrows the sun would be darkened by their multitude.” Dieneces, not at all frightened at these words, but making light of the...

I covered up my mistakes—with dirt, like you’d do with any other dead bodies.

She fucking turns me inside out.””Women who matter have a way of doing that.” Lucas scowled. “We sound like a couple of women, talking about feelings. I think Sascha’s having a bad influence on me.””You...

There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t.

Your move.”Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?

Fresh, sweet honeysuckle. Ripe and rich and ready to be fucked–PLUCKED, he corrected himself, ready to be plucked.

Two or three years from now thirty won’t look so senile.

Down with tyranny!’ Bramble cried. ‘Aristocracy! Autocracy! Monocracy! Other ocracy things! You are outnumbered, sir! Surrender!

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Try me, amd you will start LOVING!

It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, which make sense because yesterday I frowned so much I ended up pulling my groin muscle.

As a sculptor, I prefer busts. As a lover of women, I prefer busts. And as a football enthusiast, I prefer Robert Griffin III.

Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is actually used to cut diamonds,” I added. Radar tapped a locker twice with his fist to show his approval, and...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.

That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He braked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.

I cried at the funeral. It wasn’t because I loved her, it was because I was there, in the front pew at the church, chopping onions.

It’s only through sheer force and luck that she’s yet to take over the world.

I’m asleep.” You always were more romantic than me.

When I grow up, I’d like to be dangerous.

The Lone Ranger of vampires. Did that make me Tonto?

Not my finest hour,” he says, shaking his head.”You realize you did it for no reason,” I say. I tell him about talking to my dad and explain that I was crying because of that.”That...

I saw an old guy sleeping, and I thought he was dead. But I kept checking his pockets for money, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

Despite her unrepentant aversion to Italian food, which her husband put down to her nation’s historic distrust of Italy, she suddenly declared: “All I want in life is to be able to get a take-away...

Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each...

Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.

It’s an alien apocalypse! Quick, grab the beer!

One boy’s a boy; two boys be half a boy, and three boys be no boy at all’, ran the old country saying.

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

Liz pasted on a smile, trying to appear normal in light of the fact that he had possibly incriminating knowledge on her from the background check. She hoped her application for a marriage license with...

I had a dream about you. Half the people wanted to kill me, and half the people wanted me as their President. It was up to you whether I lived or reigned, and you made...

There was hardly an eminent writer in Paris who was unacquainted with the inside of the Conciergerie or the Bastille.

You’re still here. No beer. I’m not corrupting a minor.””But you’re a minor,” she pointed out. “At least for beer.””Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I’m an adult if I...

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

I must have told her I loved her a thousand times. But none of that matters now that she has discovered that I told her best friend I loved her a thousand and one times.

…When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly.””And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man’s intellect to kick in.