There’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork, greatest of Discworld cities.At least, there’s a saying that there’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork.And it’s wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork,...

Nice work,” I commented drily. “How old was that littlest one? Five? Did she put up a terrible fight?””I feared for my life,” Zach said with a perfectly straight face. “You must be bored, Julia....

I roll out of bed in the morning like a man in a wheelchair. Life is a journey, and walking is so inefficient.

Sillman looked at his interrogator with hopeless eyes. ‘I think while I was passed out, I dreamed about my mom’s gingerbread cookies. Maybe the guy who knocked on the glass was eatin’ one.’ ‘Mm,’ said...

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

My father says I have a knack for business. And he should know, because he’s been bankrupt several times.

God seemed to have become a brand, a packaging, and people purchase this trusted brand with such faith and devotion that they no longer care who the vendor is.

Ichigo: You got that? Huh?! I’m the rescuer, so you just SHUT UP!!Rukia: Wha–wha’d you say? A rescuer isn’t supposed to ignore the rescuee!Ichigo: Yeah? And what kind of rescuee complains about the rescue!? Why...

You can’t make a fan of everyone. Stay true to your story, characters, music, art or whatever it is you do and fuck everyone else who doesn’t like it. Life isn’t perfect.

If somebody wanted me dead, I’d try to convince them to wait 25 years, for technology to arrive, so they can go kill my clone. It’s a win-win for me and them, but not for...

WINE!Because these problems aren’t going to forget THEMSELVES!

That was the funniest thing I’d heard in days.You’re kidding, right? PLEASE tell me you have a stronger motive for me than ‘fair is fair.’ Life isn’t FAIR, Dean….Nothing is fair, EVER. That’s the stupidest...

Knowing more people is not important in growing your business. However, more people knowing you is the key to wealth. Be a magnet, and all the refrigerators will come to you—along with all the free...

There they were, the movers and shakers of Benjamin Franklin Hight – the sports stars, the cheerleaders, the good, the great, the gorgeous – bent over their pizzas.Trish sensed my angst and said, “My mother...

Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything.

Revenge is sweet and not fattening.

Love is like a rain cloud under the dome of an umbrella. But I’m cool with that, because that’s what I call a portable shower.

I’m going on a diet. (Crud, I know)I am going to be cranky. I am going to be irritable.I am going to be moody and sad and mean. And, yes, I am going to be hungry. Please don’t...

very” while yawning.

I can’t think of a word to rhyme with marble column.

I will describe my eyes and then begin the story. My eyes are blue and resplendent. Now I will begin the story.

One time, in New Orleans at a youth convention for my church, I read out of the phone book during a talent show. I made it all the way to ‘J’ before people started booing.

I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.[IRC discussion at Scifi.com, 1 November 1996]

I call him by his first name only. We’re that friendly. Plus, with a last name of McGee, why would I ever bother calling him by his full name of Dicksmear McGee?

Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it’s mostly just boom! penis vagina.

Ministry of Magic (M.O.M) Classification.xxxxx Known wizard killer / impossible to train or domesticate / or anything Hagrid likes

I planted the seed in her imagination, and then I farmed it. Like a fisherman.

At least that left hope for him. Except “Beauty and the Geek” wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

Atty’s eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!

No violence, gentlemen — no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!

My streak of breaking sticks was snapped when I couldn’t snap the twig. So instead I snapped my fingers. And I discovered I have some real musical talent, so I’m hoping to audition to be...

Würde man Rooney als metrosexuell bezeichnen, würde er sich wohl zuerst verwundert am Quadratschädel kratzen und dann vorsichtshalber zuschlagen.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

I bought a big brown stuffed animal. You know, for dinner.

Mother doesn’t cook, Ignatius said dogmatically, She burns.

No,’ the professor replied. ‘Her Majesty s alive and well – at least I assume so if she hasn’t met a certain van driver from Yeovil.’ ~Professor Hamilton

It was dark in the alley, and I was afraid I’d get mugged. Coffee also fears it’ll get mugged.

PIGEON MY ARSE!

And I didn’t fall. I left. Tendered my resignation, as it were.

However, my next-door neighbors had an entirely different manner of eating. When I’d go over there for dinner, it was buffet style, only a truly global sampling. Beluga caviar from Iran, with each individual egg...

…Though drowned was just as dead as any other way of dying.

Professors of literature collect books the way a ship collects barnacles, without seeming effort.

My computer file is zipped, but my pants are not. Let us make love like 1968, before Al Gore invented the internet.

Right. I can see it now. Merry Christmas, everybody! And by the way, did I tell you I’m a vampire? No need to pass the gravy, just bare your neck-

Four bricks could be affixed under a skateboard and used as really inefficient wheels. Ha! Let’s see Tony Hawk do tricks on that board. Actually, he probably could.

Finger food, is that food you eat with your fingers, or is that where you eat your fingers? I’m starving, but I also want to play the piano, so I need to know.

Finally- no more ruddy show for the folks back home. No pretending it’s all beer and skittles and no one ever gets hurt.- Phoenix and Ashes

Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that’s when she turns into a ‘Christmas Cake’. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty fifth but afterward...

Guns don’t kill people , people kill people

For desert, maybe we can split a couple of crumbs.