After that came her biggie: a triple murder–her dealer, the dealer’s sister, and the dealer’s sister’s boyfriend.Reading that made me feel a little funny that we’d fucked and I’d loved her.

Batman: What have I told you about trusting dangerous and obsessive criminal geniuses?Wonder Woman: To be fair, you tend to warn everyone about everything.Batman: Point.

Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal.

Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor.

College is fun as long as you don’t die.

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

The naked truth is the naked truth isn’t naked—it’s wearing see-thru clothing. My duty as a nudist is to let people see I’m transparent.

A companion on a caffeine high will wake me up just as well, without the aftertaste.

Some people are born to be bronze medalists. And sometimes the only reason they get third place is because there aren’t more competitors in the race to place ahead of them.

I used his severed hand as a murder weapon. I hope I didn’t get my fingerprints on his fingerprints.

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.

All trademarks, company names, registered names, products, characters, mottos, logos, jingles and catchphrases used or cited in this work are the property of their respective owners and have only been mentioned and or used as...

A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity – who’da thought?

Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.

I always have my reasons, even when I don’t know what they are.

She looks so serious. Why such a stern look? Oh yeah, somebody’s just been murdered. With all my diabolical laughter, I seem to have forgotten about that.

Honey will wipe the floor with you.” His eyes went half-mast, and his voice dropped in evident pleasure. “I know.

He’s wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I’d sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion...

Wonder why we can do this,’ he called out with his mind. The mental effort of speaking to her was already straining—he felt a headache forming like a bulge in his brain. ‘Maybe we were...

I rummaged through the drawers in search of a strong poison. I thought of nothing as I looked; I had to get it over with as quickly as possible. It was as if it were...

People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

I don’t know whether to be proud or appalled that danger, blood and death inspire you so.

Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you’re gonna be begging me to taste your pie.

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

Sensitive,” I tried.Sam translated: “Squishy.””Creative.””Dangerously emo.””Thoughtful.””Feng shui.”I laughed so hard I snorted. “How do you get feng shui out of ‘thoughtful’?””You know, because in feng shui, you arrange furniture and plants and stuff in thoughtful...

Life should be lined with love. A stomach should also be lined. So should football fields.

Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

Conduct Covert UAV Operations Naked

I’d been called a freak, and worse, all through school. Now that I’d finally graduated, I was sick of it. I’d hoped that no one would ever call me names again. Oh well, if wishes...

My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?

Ronan said, “I’m always straight.”Adam replied “Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.

I can’t marry a bisexual woman, because she might be having an affair with the same person I’m having an affair with. And it’s not affair to share.

Sometimes I ask myself, “Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?” And that answer, I’m afraid, is silence.

Let’s go commit senseless acts of science.

The great thing about the Internet isn’t that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is simply...

When I’m sad, I think about happier times. Times like 3:33, 12:34, and 3:21. This last one usually spurs me into action and helps stop me from just stopping.

Preparing the communal evening meal sometimes caused arguments. Every village in Sicily had a different recipe for squid and eels, disagreed on what herbs should be disbarred from the tomato sauce. And whether sausages should...

I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either.

The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good.

I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it’s gotten big on me. I don’t know what it is. I’m so damned unhappy, I’m so mad, and I don’t know why. I feel like...

Hi there,” squeaked a precocious little voice, “you are speaking to Chloe Fusakawa, and I have just learned how to answer the phone.

The wall between writing and painting is just good grammar. Moderation in moderation. Fun is scary with a happy ending. Just love. If love doesn’t transform that which annoys you, it will be easier to...

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Why is it called a flight of stairs? It should be called a walk of stairs.

I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her.

And I may not omit here a special work of God’s providence. There was a proud and very profane young man [aboard the Mayflower], one of the seamen, of a lusty, able body, which made...

Peter! Were you looking for a horse-shoe?””No; I was expecting the horse, but the shoe is a piece of pure, gorgeous luck.””And observation. I found it.””You did. And I could kiss you for it. You...

He’s a year shorter than me, but he’s a foot younger. I love him like the brother of an only child.

My imagination plus Vibrizzio is not only equal to but also greater than a real man. Why should I settle for second best?