I have been to the speed of God, sir…and I discommend it.

Oh, shut up Hagan. I’m not doing it for you; I’m doing it for me. I don’t want your blood getting all over my outfit.

I make mistakes; I’ll be the second to admit it.

Never confuse lust for anything other than what it is. There isn’t a man alive that wouldn’t gladly take what you are so willing to offer.””Any but you, apparently.” -Eric to Camile, Pawn of Innocence

I deciced if I were ever to get into booze and women, my line would be, ‘Excuse me, madam, but I would really love to bed and muss you. . . . Are you perchance...

Yes! I just nailed an interview. I’m going to be a professional hammerer.

It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral.

Sarcasm, as it turned out–even when it was instinctive and quick–cut into the time one had to manufacture one’s escape.

A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks. But we wouldn’t have to go through all that trouble if you’d just eat the bricks I put on your...

My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.

He committed the crime of stupidity while under my command,” said Citizen.”Oh my,” said Rigg. “They’re handing out the death penalty for that these days?

Poor Chad. Not the country, but the guy. Oh, and the country’s poor too. I feel so bad for Chad. I also feel so bad for Chad.

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.

We are not going to die.” Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. “We’re not?” “No. And do you know why?” He shook his head. “Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And...

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any...

[L]ife is a phenomenon in need of criticism, for we are, as fallen creatures, in permanent danger of worshipping false gods, of failing to understand ourselves and misinterpreting the behaviour of others, of growing unproductively...

I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, “plots” or whatever.

In the future, charities will be like pets. Everybody will want one, and millions will be abandoned.

His hand cups the back of my neck, and before I can think, he dips down and our mouths meet. For a split second I worry that he thinks he’s kissing Courtney. But that instant...

I’m so pretty, it’s hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.

A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the same way that the very fabric of our democracy is torn.

so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

Max would conclude, “that’s who I want to be. The pope. And I’ll do the same thing he does. I’ll keep all the goddamn money.

Without thinking about it at all, Harry stepped in front of Hermione.There was an intake of breath from behind him, and then a moment later Hermione brushed past and stepped in front of him. “Run,...

Now what happens?” asked the man in black. “We face each other as God intended,” Fezzik said. “No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.””You mean you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down...

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!” “We will get the hell out of here is what we will do,” I muttered.

To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for theexistence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably farmore. At least in the case of UFOs there have...

Some have brains, and some haven’t, … and there it is.

No time better than the present,’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget.

When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Question (from a reader) : Will the Wise Goddess Athena overthrow Zeus and become the ruler of Olympus?Athena’s answer : What an interesting idea . . . No, just kidding, Dad. Put away the lightning...

What is it, you ask?” Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. “I haven’t thought of a name yet. Got any ideas?””Shit,” the pirate said, said of. The gag made elocution difficult.”That...

I have a shirt that’s skin tight. It’s made from human flesh.

Manusia mungkin bisa bertahan hidup tanpa makanan, tapi tidak ada manusia yang bisa bertahan hidup tanpa harapan.

Of course it will hurt.

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

BARBARIC!

The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen’s example, was sleeping with your superiors.

Fuck rational thought

When asked what profession they like least, most people will give the obvious answer: clowns.

Until then, I would pretend my ankle was made of steel, like some kind of bionic joint, and that I could feel no pain. I was superhuman. I could do anything. But I’d take some...

I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as painless as I can, out of respect for you.

Different people have different ideas. We need to kill them—the ideas, not the people. The people we just need to torture.

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one...

Oh, precious losing streak,you’re too cute for your own good. I try to laugh about itbut my face is made of wood.

I’m more than a few neurons shy of a synapse right now, and it feels absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

I remind you that I have no faith. If I sought God, I find myself.

We have our own language. Christianese… We don’t say ‘He’s out of his mind,’ no, we say ‘That’s our youth pastor.