When to others it’s not lying. It’s privacy.

I can’t name just one example. Then there’s only one.

Don’t hold grudges. Life’s too long.

Religions are popular in psych wards, especially religions with self-stylized heavens. Patients make suicide appeal this way.

The first casualty of war is casual wear.

They safely cured the world of sadness, wiser the Pfizer for it?

I can’t prove it yet know it when I seem it.

First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.

Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and...

All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.

A bind is when you’re quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.

The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!

Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.

If life was fair … one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers … one third of police and prison officials … and one third of legislators … and one third more...

Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.

Honesty is the best insurance policy.

With good morality first candidates you’ll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality – lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.

Life is short unless agony is long.

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

To Americans, either/or means both.

I awoke to a daymare. Life.

I can’t answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn’t fit unless we saw the same shrink.

He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword … unless he’s a general.

I forgot what I was going to think.

The shot glass is half drunk.

I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.

Suicide ends for some patients so others call survival a feat – teamwork.

If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

Where have you been all of your life?

Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.

There’s an ad for every vice. That’s advice.

Nice days are more unsafe. There are more of them.

Peace ain’t worth fighting for.

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up – late.

I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.

People always switched on turn me off.

Psych ward clocks, depressed, nudge like anxious calendars.

It’s not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.

He who laughs last laughs … doesn’t get it.

Ninety percent if life is fifty percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.

Honest I’m a liar. Believe me?

I was accused of always acting superior. Always means being, not acting.

I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I’d write a check to buy it back.

The glass is completely full…of shit.