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Brian Spellman  Quotes
I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I’d write a check to buy it back.

—Brian Spellman

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ArroganceConceitHumility
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On the plus side, life doesn’t add up.

—Brian Spellman

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LifePessimism
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We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses.

—Brian Spellman

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Lies-Lying-LiarsLies-PoliticsLying
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Every swamp has a silted lining.

—Brian Spellman

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PessimismPessimisticPun
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If the mind fits, shrink it.

—Brian Spellman

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Mental-Health-ProfessionalsMental-IllnessPsych-Ward
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Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don’t look and they’ll stay farther away than you expect they would.

—Brian Spellman

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DenialDenial-Of-AbuseDenial-Of-Feelings
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90% of life is showing up. I’m staying home to wait for the other 10%.

—Brian Spellman

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HumorPessimism
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When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer.

—Brian Spellman

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DesperationNeedinessPrayer
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There is a meaning of life but I’ve been sworn to secrecy.

—Brian Spellman

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HumorMeaningMeaning-Of-Life
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I’ve been coerced into free will.

—Brian Spellman

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DeterminismFateFree-Will
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Wait now or wait, wait later.

—Brian Spellman

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LazinessProcrastinationStalling
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That’s art. Nothing is for everybody.

—Brian Spellman

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ArtDouble-EntendreHumor
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War makes persons special, peoples cheap.

—Brian Spellman

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HeroismMilitarismMilitary-Philosophy
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Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an...

—Brian Spellman

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AtheismHumorOaths
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Ultimate meaning is meaningless. Meaning meaning means everything else.

—Brian Spellman

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Language-StructureLogicMeaning
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I couldn’t stop so I quit.

—Brian Spellman

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AddictionAddiction-And-RecoveryAddictions
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Don’t stay in this now. You’ll fall behind.

—Brian Spellman

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NowPresentProcrastination
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Suicide solves midlife crises.

—Brian Spellman

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Midlife-CrisisSuicideSuicides
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If you see me standing on my head, I’m trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry.

—Brian Spellman

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Pleasing-OthersSadnessSincerity
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My life is so bad that it’s worse than it really is.

—Brian Spellman

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HumorLifePerception
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I recovered from recovering so no longer celebrate not doing bad things to defend myself as good. I added new bad for good measure.

—Brian Spellman

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AddictAddictionAddiction-And-Recovery
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When to others it’s not lying. It’s privacy.

—Brian Spellman

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LiesLies-Lying-LiarsLying
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I can’t name just one example. Then there’s only one.

—Brian Spellman

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ConfusionDouble-EntendreEducational
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Don’t hold grudges. Life’s too long.

—Brian Spellman

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GrudgesLife-LessonsResentment
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Religions are popular in psych wards, especially religions with self-stylized heavens. Patients make suicide appeal this way.

—Brian Spellman

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Mental-HospitalPsych-WardReligious-Beliefs
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The first casualty of war is casual wear.

—Brian Spellman

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FashionLampoonParody
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They safely cured the world of sadness, wiser the Pfizer for it?

—Brian Spellman

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Neurological-ProblemsPsychiatristsPsychiatry
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I can’t prove it yet know it when I seem it.

—Brian Spellman

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DelusionDistortionIllogical
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First, let me finish. Then interrupt.

—Brian Spellman

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ConversationConversationsHumorous
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Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and...

—Brian Spellman

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Listening-SkillsPoliticiansTheory-Of-Evolution
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All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.

—Brian Spellman

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PornPornographyPower
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A bind is when you’re quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.

—Brian Spellman

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DisabilityDisabledSuicide
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Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.

—Brian Spellman

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Illogical-IncoherentLifeLife-Philosophy
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If life was fair … one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers … one third of police and prison officials … and one third of legislators … and one third more...

—Brian Spellman

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Crime-And-PunishmentFairnessJudges-And-Justice
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Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.

—Brian Spellman

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American-CultureMilitarismMilitary
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With good morality first candidates you’ll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality – lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.

—Brian Spellman

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MoralistsPhoniesPoliticians
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Life is short unless agony is long.

—Brian Spellman

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HumorLife-PhilosophyPain
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Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

—Brian Spellman

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Cynical-HumorGodMaterialism
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To Americans, either/or means both.

—Brian Spellman

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AmericansLogic
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I awoke to a daymare. Life.

—Brian Spellman

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DreamsLife-PhilosophyNightmares
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I can’t answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn’t fit unless we saw the same shrink.

—Brian Spellman

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Mental-HealthPsychiatry-Humor
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I forgot what I was going to think.

—Brian Spellman

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ConfusionLifePessimism
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I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.

—Brian Spellman

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FeelingHatredIndifference
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Suicide ends for some patients so others call survival a feat – teamwork.

—Brian Spellman

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Mental-HospitalPatientsPsych-Ward
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If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

—Brian Spellman

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HatredSensitivitySerial-Killers
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Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

—Brian Spellman

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HumorMothersPessimism
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There’s an ad for every vice. That’s advice.

—Brian Spellman

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AdvertisingAdviceVice
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An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

—Brian Spellman

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HealthHumorIllness
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If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.

—Brian Spellman

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HatredSerial-KillerSerial-Killers
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If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

—Brian Spellman

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ConfusionHumorLife
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