We got there without being spotted. I pulled her in, then shut the door, pressing my back to it and exhaling like an epileptic pilot who’d just landed a cargo plane full of dynamite.

I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

She went back to Shane and settles in on his lap again, arm around his neck. His circled her waist. “I thought you had to go,” he said. “And don’t think i didn’t see you...

Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. “Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let’em go. If they don’t come back, hunt’em down and kill’em!

Having to eat fruit drives me bananas. But it’s OK, I park. Then I pick up a hooker and make love like I’ve got no money. And I really don’t have any.

Mr Moss’s courtyard is railed in like a cage, lest the gentlemen who are boarding with him should take a fancy to escape from his hospitality.

And so that means…””We have to rob the Henley,” Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. “Again.

From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

Hyperbolic statements will be the death of us all

Often stereotypically sandwiched between empty nest syndrome and retirement, rhinoplasty is actually a fluid phase that can occur before, after, or concurrently with any other life stage.

My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.

Americans accept that gangsters are running the government.

Life is like butter – when things cool down it can be reshaped

I wasn’t afraid of your average dark alley. I had standard Agency-issue spells in my coat and a nine millimeter in my purse for dealing with the less dangerous pests, but even I knew you...

I’ve used drugs that I do consider to be dangerous, drugs that are potentially detrimental to kids and society at large.

You were at the party on Friday night, weren’t you?” I didn’t mentioned I’d followed him into the woods.He leaned back in his chair, his legs sprawled out. His boots nudged the bottom ruffle of...

I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.

The doctor’s name was Sylvia. I told her she’d have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother’s name.

There is nobody as hopelessly vulgar as a British aristocrat…

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them.

I left home because I was hungry.

You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry.

Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.

Careful with the accusations of insanity, oh my lady whose home is a tower with windows of brick, all for the sake of some skinny-ankled, laugh-prone boy of a khan.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it...

I’m the master of distractions. A couple of hand gestures and BAM! I’ll pull the underwear clean off your butt.

Word of advice – never ask a terrorist the question ‘What would you do for a Klondike bar?’.

I’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be honest, I think China can make it cheaper.

Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears.Diary of a Penguin-napper (p. 15)

If you can’t do anything about it, laugh like hell.

Just . . . eat your Brooke Burger. Stop asking so many questions. Sometimes a guy just wants to buy a girl lunch. Any objections to that? Good. Enjoy your Sunday, Ms. Parker.”He strode out...

Love has a way of making the sane insane and the insane normal.

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle this morning, only I wielded a sword—and an erection made of sleep.

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

I’M SCOTTISH!

The Builders are building with you in mind, dear citizen, so don’t worry your tiny mind about whether the bricks they are using are going to construct schools or prisons. They won’t tell, and you...

I never wanted to do political satire because it seems too surface to me.

Oh, there you are, Albus,’ he said. ‘You’ve been a very long time. Upset stomach?”No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,’ said Dumbledore. ‘I do love knitting patterns.

Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?

Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it.

I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.

Oh God, Oh God we’re all gonna die doesn’t really fit the definition of banter, now does it?

A brick could be used in a levitation demonstration. The best way to keep it afloat, along with the American Dream, is with debt and denial.

Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network…” “Of course they do!” Morrow shouted gleefully. ‘The own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired...

A blanket could be used to improve the quality of your trumpet playing. Wrap the blanket tightly around and in the horn section before you start blowing, and my ears will thank you.