A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you’re an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you’re probably under a restraining order.

your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.

I feel like I’m going to die,’ he says.‘Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?’‘Only if you do it quietly.’‘I met this girl last night. I need your advice.’‘Come back later.’‘No. You...

Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded.

Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she could die at any minute and needed to get five things done before that happened.

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

We’re dying of boredom, Corporal, that’s the problem.’ [Blend] ‘If boredom was fatal there wouldn’t be a soldier alive on this whole world, Blend.’ [Picker]

Objection!” Metz shouts.Grounds?” the judge asks.Well…he’s my witness!

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

June cackled with delight, muttering, “Whoops!” as a car almost killed them.

Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he’s scared of the raghnaid?

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.

Lettuce mustard our strength, celery-brate and have bun while I scream, relish the day!

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset...

I’m really funny now.

Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” – Owen

I don’t believe in God, I only believe in Al Pacino, and that’s the truth.

So what’s it to be, Bear?”Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh.”By golly, I’ll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a...

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories—...

I’m going to take a shower,” I said and prepared for the comment I knew was coming. “You know what they say, conserve water and shower with a friend.

Inconceivable!””You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I’m out of here.

Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh.

Yeah, you bet Romani.’ Percy bared his forearm and showed them the brand he’d got at Camp Jupiter- the SPQR mark, with the trident of Neptune. ‘You mix Greek and Roman, and you know what...

She didn’t break his heart, but I feel like a man is supposed to be a man, he ain’t supposed to be all involved in that. That’s why she got sisters and friend for. Just...

My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.

I have started a new blog W.A.R.(Writers Amongst Readers) for all those writing or reading books. Quotes, excerpts, comments from the world’s greatest writers. See robinhawdonblog

“He loved her…It was noble of him. It was beautiful.”-“It was stupid.

Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench.

You okay?””Fine.””Your heart’s beating really fast.””Gee, thanks. That’s very comforting that you can hear it.”He smiled, and it was the old Michael, the one she’d first met before all the vamp stuff.”Yeah, I know it...

And the geek shall inherit the Earth.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

Kind of is, actually.

She turns to us, acts surprised to see us, then does the bit with the back of the hand to the forehead. “You’re lost!” “You’re angry!” “You’re in the wrong school!” “You’re in the wrong...

Are you coming back to campus or you sticking around here with the prick?

Let your eyes talk, mouth listens and ear sleeps.

She’s strong! And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it..

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.

I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it’s ripe; it will be exquisite by September.

The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.

What the heck kind of name was Sir?

Don’t even think of arguing with me. I’m an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.

I said, names aren’t important,” he repeated. There was a silence between them for some seconds, then the Ranger said: “Do you know what is important?”Will shook his head.”Supper is important!

Come here, cat. You wouldn’t want to destroy the space-time continuum, would you? Meow. Meow.

I don’t know if I ever really bought into the eternal damnation bit.

All the kids with fancy shoes or clothes, do you know what I got with a family of nine? When ever we said let’s play poker, we had a full team of adults right there.

He things we think he’s a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn’t know we know he’s a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really...

There is absolutely no way that I would enter that world. I would never run for office.