I always carry a spoon in my pocket. You know, just in case it rains.

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

I was obsessed with being rich and famous.

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I’m going to ask you to sit still, or I’ll put you in the trunk.

Orlando had a Pinto, a car that hadn’t been in existence for thirty-plus years. He still hadn’t figured out why a strong, strapping werewolf would want one. Orlando said it was because he’d customized it....

This doesn’t mean you’re getting a discount.”Audrey heaved a mock sigh. “Oh well. I guess I’ll have to ply you with sexual favors, then.”Gnome choked on the soup. “I’m old enough to be your grandfather!”Audrey...

It’s equally my obligation as a comedian to point out what is wrong with us and get us talking about our problems as it is pointing out what’s wrong (with) the way, for example, the...

loosing character is not easy, behind lots of hard work

A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers.

Gideon could not imagine any other young unmarried woman of his acquaintance passing up the opportunity to snare, if not himself, then the Carradice fortune. In any case, the number of women who’d rejected him...

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

Every time we made love, one of us cried. Mostly it was me, out of joy, but occasionally it was her, out of despair.

(Sookie’s Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

Ish #303 “It’s a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover...

anything that i dont know from everthing i know is just nothing but something not unusual . the most simple reality on the whole wide Universe .

I can’t believe he didn’t have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter,” said Jace. “I must say, I’m disappointed in the little fellow.

I’ve never been bothered with my conduct. I’ve only been bothered by people that don’t get it correct when they gossip about me.

What’s big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you?” “I don’t know, but can you introduce me?

So it’s true what they say about warlocks, then?”Alec gave him a very unpleasant look. “What’s true?””Alexander,” said Magnus coldly, and Clary met Simon’s eyes across the table. Hers were wide, green, and full of...

People keep asking “Jacob or Edward?” when the really important question is “Diamond Dave or Sammy?

real” relationship?

Forgive me, madam,” he said lightly, amused, “but waiting to make love to you again is straining my nerves.” She scoffed but she was quite shaken; he could see it in her expression, in the...

Why does everyone think the future is space helmets, silver foil, and talking like computers, like a bad episode of Star Trek?

I love you” isn’t romantic. Still, I get credit for rowing, right?

Woah, their gorgeous not so fast I haven’t even catched your name or your number” – Jaxson Evans

Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as ‘too long.

When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

So, if you’re doing good longform with talented people than you can step out and you can be the president or a construction worker and people accept that. It’s really the roles you give yourself.

You’ve read half the books in this house? This whole house?” “Well, approximately half.” Sticky said. “To be more accurate, I suppose I’ve read more like” – his eyes went up as he calculated –...

She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack. True love knows no luggage.

While we’re at it, why don’t we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a...

I farted like a pack of crying onions. That was my response to her I love you.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.

That’s the key, you know, confidence. I know for a fact that if you genuinely like your body, so can others. It doesn’t really matter if it’s short, tall, fat or thin, it just matters...

No, officer, I have no idea why I’m wearing this possum costume. I called you what? OH. My bad.”-Nastasya

Jeff- “A Hanukkah tradition is making potato pancakes. For something a little different, use a sweet potato. Anything you’d like to add, Walter?”Walter- “Accept Jesus as your Savior or you’ll burn in Hell for all...

His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I’m going to let him bite me? No way. It’s too risky and way too guy.

Antonio,” Ash groaned, “you know I hate it when you eat at my desk.” “I know,” Antonio replied, “but I don’t mind and so long as one of us is reasonable, I figured why not?

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn’t have any, they gave you some.

I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out...

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.- Simon Hunt

If that’s the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake,” Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, “I’m all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. “There,” she finished, slapping Frank Zappa’s Greatest Hits on top of the pile. “That should do for a start.” “You are a...

You’ve brushed your teeth,” He says, staring at me.”I used your toothbrush.”His lips quirk up in a half smile. “Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?

Sarah, honey, I hardly think kidnappers are going to take the time to buy a memento of their stay. I could be wrong, but it seems rather unlikely.

I said, ‘The Queen thinks the King’s a pussy for sending her to retrieve me. I dare him to catch me if he can.

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.