He did not go much further, but sat down on the cold floor and gave himself up to complete miserableness, for a long while. He thought of himself frying bacon and eggs in his own...

I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray’s shirtless body emerged and...

I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!” Michael Keaton character in “Mr. Mom

My advice for a person who’s just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms…faster.

Tell me about yourself, Miss Russel.”I started to give him the obligatory response, first the demurral and then the reluctant flat autobiography, but some slight air of polite inattention in his manner stopped me. Instead,...

With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it’s no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell.

Looks like he’s lost a guinea and found a farthing,” Horace said, then added, unnecessarily, “Will, I mean.”Halt turned in his saddle to regard the younger man and raised an eyebrow.”I may be almost senile...

The walking tour guides one through the city’s various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular...

I shot him a look. “That bouncer was really big.”His lips quirked. “Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.””What?”The grin spread. “I would say size doesn’t matter but it does. I would...

He caught her staring and smiled-not a conceited I-work-out-and-have-a-great-body type smirk, but more of a I’m-a-boy; you’re-a-girl; life is good.

I was on stage and I was like I will pay someone to do my time, not only will I expect NOT to be paid, but I will pay someone if I can run off...

I am what prevents the Accelerator from being a bomb.””Except you didn’t,” said Gracious. “Because you weren’t around.””I got bored.””You’re a machine.””Machines can become bored, too.”Gracious looked suddenly concerned. “My toaster is bored?””Perhaps, ” said...

Oops.” ~Luna’s POV, Clash of the Clans: Shinobi 7 Companion Book #1

I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach, holding hands. It was a nude beach, but we were the only ones wearing clothes. You wore a bikini, and I wore my...

He’s sitting casually at my kitchen table peeling the skin off an applewith a pocket knife, a red apple that he has quite obviously appropriated from my fruit bowl, might I add.

I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I’m going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable.

If you have an impulse, not if you’re going to ruin someone elses’ scene, if you have an impulse of a funny little add-on or taking something in a weird direction, try it.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him participate in synchronized diving.

Dean: Don’t you find that somewhat of an aberration? Doesn’t this disturb you my dear? After all, it’s not normal. Molly: I know it’s not normal for people in this world to be happy, and...

They thought more before nine a.m. than most people thought all month. I remember once declining cherry pie at dinner, and Rand cocked his head and said, ‘Ahh! Iconoclast. Disdains the easy, symbolic patriotism.’ And...

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: A woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?

In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak.

I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug.

We don’t have dealings. He just stalks me. I’m popular like that.

red tape,” and start using Caution tape.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do on your behalf, if I could just get my hands on it

Have a great tomorrow

Most kids start talking by age two. I didn’t say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn’t “Mom” or “Dad.” It was “No.

The fun is being able to have a show that you can do but then always being able to look out for that opportunity to do something different.

When media distorts the truth, it’s only responding in kind.

I’m so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I’m finally ready to enter into organized crime.

Death is complicated.”-Johann Kraus

Secret 02.02. By skillfully employing peripheral vision, it’s actually possible to gaze into an abyss without the abyss gazing into you.

Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job.

He needed to gather her up, hold on to her, anything to help her stop trembling. Something was going to shake loose if she didn’t.

Love is in the air. Remember to maintain your lead and follow through on your shot.

Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.

Don’t go there, Bob. Let’s just not go there.

It just doesn’t seem right to spend your entire life drinking, when you could be exploring the world.””Or,” Zhy said as he hefted a mug to his lips, “it doesn’t seem right to be risking...

I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.

Our lips met hungrily, and his clever artistic hands wrapped around my hips. A sudden buzz from my regular cell phone startled me from the kissing.”Don’t,” said Adrian, his eyes ablaze and breathing ragged.”What if...

No doubt zombie films are dumb, but I find it impressive that zombies can hold a camera relatively steady, let alone write a screenplay.

I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago.

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

Secret 7591037. Anything they can do to you, they can do for you; and anything they can do for you, they can do to you.

I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.

And my piece of advice is…don’t flirt with any of the female instructors. They all have access to weapons bigger than yours.

Secret 955-39. That it is what it is does not imply that it isn’t what it isn’t.