The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers’ head.

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.

A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.

What are you assholes looking at?” “Nothing,” said Radar. “We’re certainly not looking at your eyebrows.

A brick could be used to better improve relations with your relatives. But if you’re going to play quarterback, you’d better be ready to play receiver.

Saludé a mis padres, quienes estaban sonriendo con orgullo, como siempre charlando con un extraño cualquiera junto a ellos. Sonreí, mi madre podria seriamente iniciar una conversación con un mudo.

A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?

Look, I’m a guy. Your ass was touching my groin. Of course I’m going to pop a boner. It’s a natural reaction.

A blanket could be used as a Portable Night Generator. Just stretch it over your head, blocking your eyes from the sun in the sky, and voila! Nighttime.

Sex before love is like a bandage before a wound.

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!” “We will get the hell out of here is what we will do,” I muttered.

It doesn’t matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn’t cry.

What a schmuck!

Rayna found a makeover show on TV-one of those where they sneak up on unsuspecting people going about their business, accost them with camera, and tell them they look like crap in front of a...

Don’t come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.

Vampires didn’t faint like Southern belles at the sight of blood.

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious.

A blanket could be hung on your living room wall, and watched instead of nightly news. Not only would it be more honest, but it also would be more entertaining and thought provoking.

Marcus couldn’t believe it. Dead. A dead duck. OK, he’d been trying to hit it on the head with a piece of sandwich, but he tried to do all sorts of things, and none of...

It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.

Wisdom of the Ages: “National Symbol” With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn’t our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

Iggy. This is not a democracy,” I said,(…)”It’sa Maxocracy.

Shigure Sohma: So anyway I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru’s cut. That is if it isn’t a problem.Hatori Sohma: No problem. I’ll stop by the...

I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich.

I feel a strange sensation brewing inside of me. It tickles my throat and forces my lips into a grin. Before I can stifle it, I giggle. And then I laugh.

A brick could be used as a Blushometer. To find out how embarrassed you are, just measure you blushing cheeks against the rouge of a brick.

I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it’s for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.

Very helpful, I must say. Look at them in the eye and shout, and they understand every word…” (Mr. Warbeck in Sienna, talking about local Italians.)

He’s chocolate,” Mikey said.

A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part of secretive don’t you understand?

The human body is the best work of art.

My operational cover won’t withstand scrutiny. It starts blushing and giggling every time.

A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger.

Pick up a thing,” [Wizard Kadmeion’s]mother would say. “Touch, smell, and taste it. Listen to its nonsense. Then put the funny thing in its proper place.

Sore loser? You bet your fuckin’ ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously-that’s for chumps....

Umgangsformen sind Formen, die zunehmend umgangen werden.

The Shrink always warned me that carriers stay wracked with lifelong guilt. It’s not an uplifting thing having turned lovers into monsters. We feel bad that we haven’t turned into monsters ourselves–survivor’s guilt, that’s called....

brooklyn writer” and you’ll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?

If you want to live a life free of regret, there is an option open to you. It’s called a lobotomy.

All he’d done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.

Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you’re trying to show respect.

You should eat a waffle! You can’t be sad if you eat a waffle!

Somehow, Sydney had an internal clock that told her when time was up. I think it was part of her inherent ability to keep track of a hundred things at once. Not me. In these...

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.