You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up...

Knock yourself out… Or rather, don’t.

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something.”Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn’t even sure if it was an insult. And if...

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Why can’t I solve this problem by killing someone? she though petulantly, then comforted herself with the mantra that had kept her going in prison: “Soon all the humans will be dead,” she said, droning...

Really, I’m trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she’s singing, but it doesn’t appear to be over

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

Confidence is ignorance. If you’re feeling cocky, it’s because there’s something you don’t know.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

The sun was already long past the spire when Garrick purchased a mug of coffee from his regular man on the tip of Oxford Street. But his palate had been educated by 21st century coffee,...

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.”Pex was unrepentant. “Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us … all those things.”But—buried alive! That’s like in that horror movie. Y’know — the one with all...

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.

Artemis: “Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.”Myles: “In Paris.”Artemis: “Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter’s attention. What do you do?”Beckett: “Umm…tell Butler to jump-jump-jump...

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers’ head.

It’s like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

this was business.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?”Artemis blinked. “Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,” intoned Opal, finishing her chant. “Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I...

That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart.

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

I’m the crazy girly captain, Remember?

Don’t hate me forever, Arty,” whispered Holly. “I couldn’t bear that.

If you were me, then I’d be you, and if I were you, then I’d hide somewhere far away.

Exactly.

I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.

Look!” said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, “Someone who cares!

Holly clambered after him, struggling up the human-size steps. “Wait! Just wait,” she called, overtaking Artemis and looking him in the eye from one step up. “I know you, Artemis. You like to play your...

Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal...

Artemis looked at Holly and felt a tremendous affection for her… he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was…She is truly magical, thought Artemis. Perhaps her qualities are more obvious to...

No matter what dimension you’re in, there’s a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Friendship isn’t a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

We are different, my friend. We are visionaries. A monkey looks up and sees and banana, and that is as far as he looks. But a visionary looks up and sees the moon.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children’s menu. I have no doubt that the children’s menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte....

She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl

How could you…? How?””Logically you have no right to be angry. I simply followed your lead.” …He is really going through with it.”No,” She managed. “There is no other way.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

how does she know it’s the right room?’ wondered Descant.Oh, I don’t know; mabye it’s the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it’s the deafening howl of the temporal winds.’ said Mervall....

Orion brightened. “I have an idea.””Yes?” said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained.”Why don’t we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn’t work, you could...

Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. The first is a sharp stinging sensation; the second a nasty red...

I know what dissipate means, Arty. I’m not three, for heaven’s sake.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense.

Who are you?” he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to...

I will not miss him.” But her eyes told the real story.