How do I love thee? wondered Orion. “Let me see. I love thee passionately and eternally…obviously eternally-that goes without saying.” Holly blinked sweat from her eyes. “Is he serious?” she called over her shoulder to...

The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

I don’t like lollipops.

I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared…

I don’t know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.

Me,” Artemis blurted. “I’m the nut.”Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.”I’m the nut!” Artemis...

Good. Illegal is always faster.

*to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard

Wait,” said Butler. “Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan.” He squinted through the green dome. “What is your plan, Artemis?”All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else’s heart.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Of course I saved you,” she said. “I couldn’t do without you.” And because she was happy and flushed with magic, Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.

Hey, bodyguard. You better get down to the gymnasium. This jumbo pixie guy is killing your sister.” “Really?” said Butler, unconvinced. “Really. Juliet just does not seem to be herself. She can’t put two moves...

I don’t suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Inside the mirrored elevator, Mulch used a telescopic pointer to push P for the penthouse. For the first few months he had jumped to reach the button, but that was undignified behavior for a millionaire....

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It’s my...

Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?””That’s right. My mother’s folks are from Killarney.””Oh, really?””O’Reilly, actually. But what’s a vowel between friends?””Very good. You should be on the stage.””It’s funny you should mention that.”The...

A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.

We’re being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch’s version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones....

Well, young man, have you found anyone worthy of your respect?”Artemis smiled back. “Yes,” he said. “I believe I have.

What’s that supposed to mean? A wolf’s head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up...

Knock yourself out… Or rather, don’t.

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something.”Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn’t even sure if it was an insult. And if...

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Why can’t I solve this problem by killing someone? she though petulantly, then comforted herself with the mantra that had kept her going in prison: “Soon all the humans will be dead,” she said, droning...

Really, I’m trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she’s singing, but it doesn’t appear to be over

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

Confidence is ignorance. If you’re feeling cocky, it’s because there’s something you don’t know.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

The sun was already long past the spire when Garrick purchased a mug of coffee from his regular man on the tip of Oxford Street. But his palate had been educated by 21st century coffee,...

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.”Pex was unrepentant. “Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us … all those things.”But—buried alive! That’s like in that horror movie. Y’know — the one with all...

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.

Artemis: “Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre.”Myles: “In Paris.”Artemis: “Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter’s attention. What do you do?”Beckett: “Umm…tell Butler to jump-jump-jump...

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers’ head.

It’s like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

this was business.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?”Artemis blinked. “Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,” intoned Opal, finishing her chant. “Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I...