She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl

How could you…? How?””Logically you have no right to be angry. I simply followed your lead.” …He is really going through with it.”No,” She managed. “There is no other way.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

how does she know it’s the right room?’ wondered Descant.Oh, I don’t know; mabye it’s the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it’s the deafening howl of the temporal winds.’ said Mervall....

Orion brightened. “I have an idea.””Yes?” said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained.”Why don’t we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn’t work, you could...

Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. The first is a sharp stinging sensation; the second a nasty red...

I know what dissipate means, Arty. I’m not three, for heaven’s sake.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense.

Who are you?” he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to...

I will not miss him.” But her eyes told the real story.

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

I bet,” said Mulch, “that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn.”Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

What’s this?” he inquired, none too pleasantly. “A circus?””No, Julius. It’s the end of the circus.””I see. And these are the clowns?”Foaly’s head poked through the doorway.”Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but...

How do I love thee? wondered Orion. “Let me see. I love thee passionately and eternally…obviously eternally-that goes without saying.” Holly blinked sweat from her eyes. “Is he serious?” she called over her shoulder to...

The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

I don’t like lollipops.

I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared…

I don’t know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.

Me,” Artemis blurted. “I’m the nut.”Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.”I’m the nut!” Artemis...

Good. Illegal is always faster.

*to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard

Wait,” said Butler. “Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan.” He squinted through the green dome. “What is your plan, Artemis?”All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else’s heart.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Of course I saved you,” she said. “I couldn’t do without you.” And because she was happy and flushed with magic, Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.

Hey, bodyguard. You better get down to the gymnasium. This jumbo pixie guy is killing your sister.” “Really?” said Butler, unconvinced. “Really. Juliet just does not seem to be herself. She can’t put two moves...

I don’t suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Inside the mirrored elevator, Mulch used a telescopic pointer to push P for the penthouse. For the first few months he had jumped to reach the button, but that was undignified behavior for a millionaire....

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It’s my...

Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?””That’s right. My mother’s folks are from Killarney.””Oh, really?””O’Reilly, actually. But what’s a vowel between friends?””Very good. You should be on the stage.””It’s funny you should mention that.”The...

A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.

We’re being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch’s version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones....

Well, young man, have you found anyone worthy of your respect?”Artemis smiled back. “Yes,” he said. “I believe I have.

What’s that supposed to mean? A wolf’s head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that’s as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up...

Knock yourself out… Or rather, don’t.

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something.”Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn’t even sure if it was an insult. And if...