Let me give you some advice here: People who want to have the sex talk with you will act the same way as people who want to murder you. First they get you in their...

I’m not copying you!” Luke said. “A werewolf is totally different than a vampire! You’re creepy all the time. Mine is just, like, a monthly thing….””Like PMS?” I suggested. “Shut up!

So that’s how we end up helping Aviva pick out a male escort. Even Darcy is impressed with Eugene’s organization; each profile in the boy binder has two pictures, a head shot and a full-body...

I’ve been asking around to find out what girls are into,” Eugene tells me, really pleased with himself. “So I’m gonna get a spray tan and make red-velvet cupcakes.

Vampires didn’t faint like Southern belles at the sight of blood.

Our neighbors were so excited when a black family moved in that they got them a welcome basket with the first three seasons of The Cosby Show on DVD.

If you skip one class, everyone knows about it. The teacher will track you down, or one of the guidance counselors will track you down and ask if you’re smoking pot. According to the geniuses...

I’ve never had any summer lovin’. And I’ve never had any school year lovin’, either. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never hooked up with a guy. And this morning, on my Internet browser, an...

In winter this town is freezing. You step out your door in the morning and the whole place looks like one of those nature specials in which a guy brings a camcorder to the North...

We are in a boy recession,” Eugene repeats. “There’s been a sudden, drastic decrease in the male population at this school. And I’m gonna take advantage of it.

Eugene’s got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he’s thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

My love life couldn’t be more nonexistent if Julius was all all-girls’ boarding school with a moat full of alligators around it.

Great. Darcy is the ruler of our school. Prety soon, Julius is going to be like Singapore – you’ll get a $500 fine for chewing gum or making out in the hallways.

I could kiss that girl. And ya know what? I will kiss that girl. As soon as I get back to school, I’m gonna grab her, and I’m gonna kiss her.