It went automatically to a heavy-weight mother with beetling eyebrows who looked as if she had just come from doing a spot of knitting at the foot of the guillotine.

Try me, and you will start LOVING..!!

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the...

we all have dream cars,dream houses and jobs but as soon as we stop dreaming we wake up go take a pee. the world is waiting out here don’t just dream,make it a dream.

The man up there raged aloud in two languages, and with a sincerity in his fury that almost convinced me I had, in some way, sinned against the harmony of the universe

Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne...

I regret that I didn’t realize that actually they’ve got no power over you at school — it’s all just a trick to indoctrinate you into being a conditioned, tame, placid citizen. Rebel, children, I...

That’s not really a compliment.

There’s one thing you don’t put in a trap, if you’re smart, if you value your continued existance, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never ever put in...

Gods, man, don’t you start now,’ I said softly. ‘We’re going to get a terrible reputation if we just keep travelling across the countryside crying all the time.

Mrs Guinea answered my letter and invited me to lunch at her home. That was where I saw my first finger-bowl.The water had a few cherry blossoms floating in it, and I thought it must...

Take it!” he snarled, hurling the diamond necklace across the table at his opponent. “And may you rot in hell with it!””I should not dream of intruding upon you there,” replied Mr Brundy, bowing deeply...

Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.

But in every church there are people who, for reasons which seem sufficient to them, do not approve of their pastor and seek to harry him and bully him into some condition pleasing to themselves....

In his essay,Agastya had said that his real ambition was to be a domesticated male stray dog because they lived the best life.They were assured of food,and because they were stray they didn’t have to...

St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful...

You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.

I knew that I was talented. I was positive about that. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was talented at, but I was ambitious enough to wait it out and see what turned up.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

La culture, c’est comme la confiture, moins on en a, plus on l’étale.

D’yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!”Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly,...

Having had virtually no contact with the outside world for the last few weeks, Evan had temporarily forgotten the social norms governing shopping conduct or approaching celebrities in public.

We should silence anyone who opposes the right to freedom of speech.

Sandra, with this topic, yes. But usually, no.

I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid I’ll never get a chance to live!

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring.[points to self]

Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else

In real life, Snow White stays dead and Rapunzel grows old, alone in her tower. In real life, you gotta have enough sense to stay away from ugly bitches offering you shiny apples and have...

I’d spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre – Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. And I came...

The subject of money was not mentioned again at the time, but when Miss Todd began going to Mrs Morland as secretary, she insisted on having an account from Dr Ford, much to his annoyance....

If there’s grass on the pitch,” and gives his small cock a quick squeeze under the desk.

Just because you disagreed with the Poll Tax and detested Margaret Thatcher—””Detest is a little inappropriate,” Parlabane said. “Maybe closer to say I spent the entire Eighties wishing I was pissing on her rotting corpse.

You can’t judge a book by its cover,” he said. “No,” said Watts. “But you can tell how much it’s gonna cost!

There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote.

The only good thing about that decision, Gatt, is that I’ll get tea before you.

Fish fiddle de-dee!

Mark Spitz didn’t ask about Harry. You never asked about the characters that disappeared from a Last Night story. You knew the answer. The plague had a knack for narrative closure.

Centuries ago, sailors on long voyages used to leave a pair of pigs on every deserted island. Or they’d leave a pair of goats. Either way, on any future visit, the island would be a...

Of course I want to kill you,” said Skulduggery. “I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.

What?” she asked again.He pointed ahead of them. “See that?””What, the snow?””Beyond that.””More snow?””Stop looking at the snow.

If you can identify humor in problems then you will have less difficulties in solving them… Most importantly, “you should be able to laugh on yourself”.

A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ – Vera Richardson in Mr Alhourani’s Dead Man’s Spots

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

The difference between doing something and not doing something is doing something.

The thought of talking about it made Pueblo’s gut ache, but then he thought of everything that Amy had been through – not that she’d told him her version yet. She had balls of steel,...

She didn’t want the medi-techs. She wanted a fucking candy bar. […] She reached down […] and chose a Galaxy bar […] “I’m going home.” “You didn’t pay for that,” Francois shouted after her. “Fuck...

Kevyn, I’m promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.Munitions Commander? Why me?I don’t know. Call it “suspicion of extreme competence” on my part.-Captain Tagon...

And I’m not saying it’s a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I’m saying is that if you get, I don’t know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid,...

don’t make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male