If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

Don’t lose today by worrying about tomorrow!!!

[On writing Jeeves and Wooster stories]:You tell yourself that you can take Jeeves stories or leave them alone, that one more can’t possibly hurt you, because you know you can pull up whenever you feel...

Aglaya just rolled her eyes. “You’re like a ten year-old.””Ten-and-a-half,” Kev defended. “But I read at a fourteen year-old level.

I always thought eating was a ridiculous activity anyway. I’d get out of it myself if I could, though you’ve got to do it to stay alive, they tell me.

There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You’ll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there’s a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one long,...

That’s your solution? Have a cookie?

Jake’s in trouble.’Luca rolled his eyes. ‘What now?”He’s gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don’t think it’s good.”Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us?

All he’d done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that’s out always looks the best

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

can’t even face his marriage problems full on.

The Yankees’ Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.

I first heard of Parmenides’ best-known assertion, “Whatever is, is.” I laughed and blurted out, “And he’s famous?” With this verbal ejaculation I revealed myself as the quintessential sophomore.

mystery is not founded in ignorance, mystery is founded in imagination

Leo got up and brushed himself off. “I hate that guy”. He offered Jason his arm like they should go skipping together.”I`m Dylan. I`m so cool, I want to date myself, but I can`t figure...

I want a baby of my very own one day, but it seems that my being male is a BIIIIT of a problem.

Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset’s pet turkey fouling...

But you were concerned about making sure things, you know, didn’t get serious.””Yeah, because I’m an idiot.

Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in Tweets:”Ugh! I’m standing in line at the post office.””I’m not eating the crusts...

You will be interested to hear, Hilary, that it [the drug] had a most remarkable effect — even on Selena after a very modest quantity. She cast off all conventional restraints and devoted herself without...

You’re bloody insane, Karede,” Mat said. “Unfortunately, so am I.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

The English… are the most deplorable milksops. They are creatures of that miserable sort who loudly proclaim that torture is too good for their enemies and then give tea and cigarettes to the first wounded...

Simon: You’re in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you’ll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say...

It’s supposed to.

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit

So it was perfectly possible that there were men who liked shopping, men who understood exactly what it was all about, but Mma Ramotwe had yet to meet such a man. Maybe they existed elsewhere...

She nibbles her pencil… She’s human!

Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.

Somehow I’d still managed to go all retarded at the sight of some handsome asshole with a nice smile.

One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.

Marcia was silent a moment. Then a sort of softer gleam came into her angry eye.”Tell me some more about her,” she said.Adele clapped her hands.”Ah, that’s splendid,” she said. “You’re beginning to feel kinder....

The perfect body protects its owner from disease, gives birth to amazing new people and stops your bones from falling out. The end.

This meeting’s done!I now see where he gets it from—you act just like your son!

As it ‘appens, I am Arthur’s right-hand man,” said Suzy. “Or left-hand girl, I can’t remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least...

My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!

Kindness suits you.””Really? I think I’m quite allergic to it.

I suddenly realise that it doesn’t matter how far I go, or how lost I am, or how lonely I feel. I fit in here. I always will.That’s how I know I’m home.

I grinned. “I’m anybody’s for a cuppa and a biscuit.

Analyse it; chance of getting succeed are always greater than failure

That you exist, is offense enough to arrest you.

I was not dressed crazily – I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.

Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist !

He was definitely taking his bodyguard duties seriously tonight. He gave off a take-one-step-closer-and-I-will-show-you-Armageddon vibe.

That’s odd. It looks almost as if Nick is picking a fight with that elephant.””Well, the elephant started it.””That’s irrelevant. Fighting with civilians is against the rules. Go break it up.”-Admiral Breya Andreyasn & Sergeant...

Headline?” he asked.”‘Swing Set Needs Home,'” I said.”‘Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'” he said.”‘Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'” I said.

Age is only a number. Keep an active life.

As you can see, the hyphen is a nasty, tricky, evil little mark that gets its kicks igniting arguments in newsrooms and trying to make everyone in the English-speaking world look like an idiot –...

And I did it.