Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

La culture, c’est comme la confiture, moins on en a, plus on l’étale.

D’yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!”Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly,...

Having had virtually no contact with the outside world for the last few weeks, Evan had temporarily forgotten the social norms governing shopping conduct or approaching celebrities in public.

Well, Arminius, I can’t say you’re the most natural horseman I’ve ever seen.’Arminius sneered down at the men standing around him, then leaned out of the saddle and put a sausage sized finger in Double-Pay...

Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I’m going to ask you to sit still, or I’ll put you in the trunk.

The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it.

The reason God never fails is because he fears to fail

Never go for a drink in London’s square mile, nobody ever gets a round in.

If water was beer I’d be a teetotaler

On a good day, my style is librarian chic. On a bad day, it’s frumpy mother.

God is funny. He had a funny day when he made me. A funny, thoughtful, crazy day. He gave me a physique by which I would be so easily and so quickly judged, then gave...

I hate working with sexy women.” Dimitri Pissec.

I’m on a roller coaster which only goes up my friend

My–? But I don’t… ew!

Luck ever attends the bold and constructive thinker: the apple, for instance, fell from the tree precisely when Newton’s mind was groping after the law of gravity, and as Diva stepped into her grocer’s to...

When life throws shit at you, grow great, big, fuck off roses.

Very. What is all this harping on intoxication?

I have actually known a case where a Woman has exterminated her whole household, and half an hour afterwards, when her rage was over and the fragments swept away, has asked what has become of...

There’s only one thing in life more dangerous than a bad idea, and that’s a good one.

Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of herfather’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as henodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverwarewhen he thought no one was...

Don’t worry, everyone is mentally ill, they just haven’t figured out a name for yours yet.

No Matter what you’re, Matter is ; What you do.

You’re alright, I guess; for, you’re just being you, like any other cuckoo.

When Johnny Depp saw it, he was so excited he fluffed up to twice his normal size.

Displacement of ‘What goes around, comes around’ is Zero.

How many words are you having trouble with, sir?Just the ones that I’ve highlighted.I count at least a dozen, and I haven’t gotten out of the first paragraph.That’s as far as I got, too. I’m...

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the ‘totality’. The television also told her she wouldn’t age if she bought expensive...

According as the man is, so must you humour him.

In every step you take, keep your feet firmly on the ground.

Sharks don’t eat seafood because they like it, but because chicken can’t swim.

Aye, you usually say that, and I still stay. It’s our way.

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.

And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.

What a dick!” some might say!But don’t you worry my little sheep,I am not sad and will not weep,For Caleb Jones is a cheat!He two-timed me with some ho,Whose name is Kacey ‘Slut’ Munroe!But I...

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Armour… is part of a state of mind… in which you admit the possibility… of being hit.

Why is luge a sport? You dress up like a giant sperm and go sledding really fast. That’s hardly athletic. Phallic and sexy, yes. But hardly athletic.

It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back.

Would you like some sacred chocolate?’ a girl asked, appearing suddenly at Lara’s side. ‘They’ve very special chocolates,’ she said, pushing a plate of the goods in Lara’s direction. ‘They’re raw and sweetened with Stevia.’Stevia,...

Who gave you a gun?”The army.”Why?”That’s what the army does, Simon.

Mother, who has an absolute belief that it is not the cards that one is dealt in life, it is how one plays them, is, by far, the highest card I was dealt.

If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.

Nature” doesn’t really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor’s pool...

Finnick?” I say, “Maybe some pants?”He looks down at his legs as if noticing his outfit for the first time. Then he whips off his hospital gown leaving him in just his underwear. “Why? Do...

“Whatever happened to the dragon?” I mustered my primmest tone. “He has a name, you know.”Adrian pulled back and gave me a curious look. “I didn’t know, actually. What’d you decide on?” “Hopper.” When Adrian...

I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?

What the hell am I doing…? Escape holding myself as a hostage…? I won’t be able to make it like that…

If a gal reaches half an hour before for a date and then calls you saying that she is waitingDude! Marry her! What you’re thinking?

Costin regained his serious tone but his eyes softened.”I won’t force you into anything Sally. I know this is all different to you. I’ve known all my life that I had one perfect mate out...