Maxim 37: There is no “overkill”. There is only “open fire” and “time to reload”.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 5: Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

So you’re a fellow mercenary, then.Does this mean you’ll afford me some professional courtesy?Don’t ask for that. All it means is that you might get to face the person who kills you. . . But...

This document outlines our plan to perpetrate insurance fraud, insider trading, and character assassination….hopefully tripling our paycheck on this job.Okay, see? Those words I understand just fine. Use them more often.-Lieutenant Massey Reynstein & Captain...

Maxim 3: An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Hi. I’m here to enlist.You can’t. You aren’t human.You see, little fella, we don’t do sociological stuff like “interspeciated workplaces.” We’re a crack company of space mercenaries. We do “hurting people” and “breaking things.”Sounds like...

Maxim 33:If you’re leaving tracks, you’re being followed.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Oh, that’s great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we’ll get a nice explosive package from him that says “so nice to see you...

Maxim 30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you’ll go.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 6: If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it’s on the far side of the airlock.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

How many words are you having trouble with, sir?Just the ones that I’ve highlighted.I count at least a dozen, and I haven’t gotten out of the first paragraph.That’s as far as I got, too. I’m...

The Tausennigan Ob’enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears?””Yes, they do, and they’d cheerfully exterminate your entire race for making that observation!””I guess that explains their rich military history, then.

Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Welcome to your new bodies, gentlemen. If you’d like, I can help you start your owm ‘dysmorphia is all in your head’ support group.-Doctor Bunnigus

Maxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy. No more. No less.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

I’ll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious.-Captain Tagon

Kevyn, I’m promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.Munitions Commander? Why me?I don’t know. Call it “suspicion of extreme competence” on my part.-Captain Tagon...

Maxim 27: Don’t be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

You’re more mean-spirited than I remember you being.It’s this organic body. Hologram fur wasn’t itchy.-Admiral Breya Andreyasn & Petey

The way you blunder from one catastrophe to the next, it’s a wonder the whole galaxy doesn’t hate you.The galaxy is a big place, General. You provincial military types don’t get far enough out to...

As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it’s honest enough for me.-Captain Tagon

Maxim 2: A sergeant in motion outranks a lieutenant who doesn’t know what’s going on.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

The spirit of the law is the least of the things we’re prepared to violate.

Yes, but none of them can steal my ship.None of them are smart enough to know that it was the right thing to do at the time.-Captain Tagon & Ennesby

Maxim 9: Never turn your back on an enemy.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Technically, you don’t pay me.And technically, most of what I do is “think.”I…rrr. ummm.And when you get right down to it, I’m better at it than you are.-Ennesby & Captain Tagon

Maxim 20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.Cross it? I’m making plans to destroy the bridge from orbit.-Colonel Ceeta & Captain Tagon

Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob’enn they’ll be nice?-Sergeant Schlock

Right now I’ve got just two rules to live by.Rule one: don’t taunt elephants.Rule two: don’t stand next to anybody who taunts elephants.-Sergeant Schlock

Ennesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff.””Dustoff? You’re going to run away from three guys?””No, I’m going to kill or capture those three guys, and then run away from the Police.

Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

When the enemy of my enemy is willing to use plasma weapons inside a hotel, I think I can do better than stupid aphorisms, General.-Captain Kevyn Andreyasn

Two minutes worth of signal analysis told me all I needed to know. This station “talks” to the dark matter universe about what goes on inside.How did you cobble together a jammer so quickly?I had...

Are you done briefing the company yet?We, um… Haven’t gotten through the introductions yet.Allow me: Time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, this is the mercenary company “Tagon’s Toughs.”Company, this is the time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, who will have become...

Maxim 10: Sometimes the only way out is through… through the hull.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 28: If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

When I find the guy who torched that forest, I’m going to eat him. And I’m only going to half-cook him first.-Sergeant Schlock

They’re holding flushes of face cards, and I think we’re the pot.-Ennesby

We either need an overwhelming force advantage, or we need more information.Reinforcements cut into our bounty, remember?It’s unanimous. We need more information.-Captain Tagon and Colonel Ceeta

Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.

Maxim 15: Only you can prevent friendly fire.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

No! Wait! I’ve got a better idea…””Your ideas tend to result in unnecessary violence, Sergeant Schlock.””And your point is…””Let’s broaden the definition of ‘necessary’.”-Sergeant Schlock & Captain Tagon

That’s odd. It looks almost as if Nick is picking a fight with that elephant.””Well, the elephant started it.””That’s irrelevant. Fighting with civilians is against the rules. Go break it up.”-Admiral Breya Andreyasn & Sergeant...

Captain, I’m fairly unique among artificial intelligences. I am FREE.I work for you because I want to. I fly your ship for you because I enjoy it. I am compelled to accept orders only by...

Maxim 31: Only cheaters prosper.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

What do you think? Overkill?I don’t believe there is any such thing.But in this case, ‘yes, overkill.’-Sergeant Schlock & Petey