Winder’s mind felt even fuzzier than it had done over the past few years, but he was certain about cake. He’d been eating cake, and now there wasn’t any. Through the mists he saw it,...

I thought dwarfs loved gold,” said Angua.”They just say that to get it into bed.

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.”That’s just fantasy,’ said Twoflower.’I know. That’s the trouble.’ Rincewind sighed again.

Upstairs, in what had been until then the cash office, Young Sam slept peacefully in a makeshift bed. One day, Vimes hoped, he would be able to tell him that on one special night he’d...

We did Rat Surprise last night for the Sons of Bloodaxe annual dinner,” he said. There was a general groan. “And it was rat.” He raised his voice against the complaining. “You can’t use anything...

On the Kite, the situation was being ‘workshopped’. This is the means by which people who don’t know anything get together to pool their ignorance.

He sat down on the turf, relishing the breeze through the gorse bushes and sucking in pure fresh air. Whatever you thought about goblins, their cave had the kind of atmosphere about which people say,...

Everybody does it!” Quirke burst out. “It’s perks!””Everybody?” said Vimes. He looked around at the squad. “Anyone else here take bribes?”His glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an...

The three thieves looked around. As their eyes grew accustomed to the gloom, they received a general impression of armourality, with strong overtones of helmetness.

It’s rude to stare,” said the troll. Its mouth opened with a little crest of foam, and shut again in exactly the same way that water closes over a stone. “Is it? Why?” asked Rincewind....

Er, why do you need to work in a dark room, though?” he said. “The imps don’t need it, do they?””Ah, zis is for my experiment,” said Otto proudly. “You know zat another term for...

It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren’t the people the people who made up the phrase “people are people everywhere” had traditionally thought of as people.

Silverfish looked down.”Oh. Are you a dwarf?”Cuddy gave him a blank stare.”Are you a giant?” He said.”Me? Of course not!””Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes.

And then there was the much spoken of lock-up. It looked like a giant pepperpot built of stone. A flowering creeper grew up it, and, next to the door and restrained by a chain, there...

I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic.

It was because he wanted there to be conspirators. It was much better to imagine men in some smoky room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over the brandy. You had...

He sighed and opened the black box and took out his rings and slipped them on. Another box held a set of knives and Klatchian steel, their blades darkened with lamp black. Various cunning and...

Is that you, Sergeant Angua?” said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad...

When new students tried an experiment that was particularly successful in terms of explosive force, the result was often a cross between a major factory refit and a game of Hunt-the-other-Kidney.

There was a hell for blasphemers. There was a hell for disputers of rightful authority. There were a number of hells for liars. There was probably a hell for little boys who wished their grandmothers...

Look, sir, I know Angua. She’s not the useless type. She doesn’t stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.

Just a minute,” said Lobsang. “Who are you? Time has stopped, the world is given over to…fairy tales and monsters, and there’s a schoolteacher walking around?””Best kind of person to have,” said Susan. “We don’t...

You haven’t heard of him? And he is a D’reg!” Mrs Goriff pulled at her husband’s arm.”D’reg?” said Angua.”A warlike desert tribe,” said Carrot. “Very fierce. Honourable, though. They say that if a D’reg is...

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She’d seen it before, atbirthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweetdeprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took anysweet at all, said...

Click.The salamander flared, etching the room with searing white light and dark shadows. Otto screamed. He fell to the floor, clutching at his throat. He sprang to his feet, goggle-eyed and gasping, and staggered, knock-kneed...

The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety.

That’s practically zen.

Two uniformed trolls were standing in front of Sergeant Colon’s high desk, with a slightly smaller troll between them. This troll was wearing a slightly downcast expression. It was also wearing a tutu and had...

We try to make guests feel welcome,” said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes’s amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.”You had papers?” he said....

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he’d do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren’t going to be on him.

We’re dealing here,” said Vimes, “With a twisted mind.””Oh, no! You think so?””Yes.””But… no… you can’t be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.””Not Nobby,” said Vimes testily. “Whatever he might do to...

Lawn looked down at his patient. “In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

A dwarf who can’t get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique.””Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy..””Guild member?””Not any more, sir.””Oh? How did you leave the guild?””Through the roof,...

Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on the contents of the choicer books and leaving...

‘Oh, good grief,’ said Vimes. ‘Look, it’s quite simple, man. I was expected to go ‘At last, alcohol!’, and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community.’

Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a pickaxe, for the extraction of interesting minerals, and the other side...

You’re not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day?” said Angua.”I’ve heard he uses rats as spies, so I don’t think he’d use them as elevenses,” said Carrot.

There are things so horrible that even the dark is afraid of them. Most people don’t know this and this is just as well because the world could not really operate if everyone stayed in...

Mr Vimes,” said Mrs Winkings, “ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch…”Say ‘Watch’, why don’t you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the...

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they’re standing on one and being soaked by the other.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

Another priest said, ‘Is it true you’ve said you’ll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?’ ‘Yes.” Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps...

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,” he said. “Have you thought of going into teaching?

When he was a boy he’d read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had...

‘Look down, your grace,’ said Skimmer. ‘Mhm, mhm.’ Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. ‘Look down further,’ he said. Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had...

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.”Excuse me?” said the shining figure...

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent’s job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn’t put a few twists in you, you wouldn’t stand a chance of fitting...

I’m sure it’s all journalism […] It means it’s true enough for now.

We need to borrow your boat,” said Vimes.”Bugger off!””I’m choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning ‘Why, certainly,'” said Vimes.