Severe isn’t a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns…No one responds ‘severe’ when someone asks how her cold is.In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to ‘How’s...

Today I’m feeling uncharacteristically chiaroscuro, and I don’t know what that means for my future, or as a word.

How sick are you? Holy crap. Are you dying or something? Is that why you’re going ona retreat and eating only lettuce?

My writing looks like it’s ten steps behind my mind, and racing to always catch up.

When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

He runs his eye along the row of knives in their racks, the cleavers for splitting bones. He picks one up, looks at its edge, decides it needs sharpening and says, “Do you think I...

If that phone ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you” Randy Travis

my good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasion for teasing and quarreling with you as often...

Mary-Lynnette: “You have not read ‘Pride and Prejudice’.”Ash: “Why not?”Mary-Lynnette: “Because Jane Austen was a human.”Ash: “How do you know?”Mary-Lynnette: “Well Jane Austen was a woman, and you’re a chauvinist pig.”Ash: “Yes, well, that I...

Before I’ll take my clone on as a pupil in the craft of writing, he must prove his worthiness. He must write 100 thoughts down, of which 10 might be interesting. If he’s done that,...

Ivan gabbled something in Shu that I didn’t understand. The giant just laughed.”You speak Shu like a tourist,” he said.

To err is human, to purr is feline.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

That’s the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they’re all pussies, each and every one of ’em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How...

Last week my boss told me to rewrite a twenty-page proposal on engagement benchmarking. I turned it in and he wrote a note on the cover that just said, “No, no. Not this.” I had...

From her own life experience Keldaren knew that loveable hunks were in short supply anywhere in the galaxy, loveable hunks who knew her were an extinct species, and that more marketing companies than friends had...

In a blind taste test, nine out of ten Helen Kellers preferred Blue Ribbon Coffee to Starbucks. The tenth Helen Keller, well, she claimed she didn’t hear the question.

Would you mind repeating that? I’m afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I’ve longed to hear.

Percy: Dad-Poseidon: Very well! It shall be as you say. But my son, pray this works.Percy: I’m praying, I’m talking to you, right?Poseidon: Oh…yes. Good point.

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .

The wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.” Red Riding Hood said, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I...

Temporis filia veritas; cui me obstetricari non pudet.Truth is the daughter of time, and I feel no shame in being her midwife.

I am fun, friendly, and I know how to use the third comma in a list of three distinct items or things. In my book that makes me a better lover, because I wrote it....

Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?

Every town you go to, they tell you what’s special about their town. What they’re number one at… This guy comes up and says, ‘D’you know that we’re the home of the world’s largest frying...

He is not a man wedded to action, Boleyn, but rather a man who stands by, smirking and stroking his beard; he thinks he looks enigmatic, but instead he looks as if he’s pleasuring himself.

They had not been long there before Lord Dumbello did group himself. ‘Fine day,’ he said, coming up and occupying the vacant position by Miss Grantly’s elbow.’We were driving to-day and we thought it rather...

You make me sick. I think I’ll have to call out of work on your account. Or have that account closed.

By the way, if you get mad at your Mac laptop and wonder who designed this demonic device, notice the manufacturer’s icon on top: an apple with a bite out of it.

He told me he was getting married, and I told him I approved of his upcoming divorce.

Don’t mess with a wizard when he’s wizarding!

. . . I still wouldn’t be able to control myself around him, and I’m math geek enough to know that equation doesn’t work out.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

It often happens that we blurt out things that may in some kind of way be harmful to us, but we are silent about things that may make us look ridiculous; because in this case...

I bet you see a branding iron too,” Jules snickered. Lynn’s thoughtful gaze trailed after him as the bartender returned to making drinks.

Failure: the renewable resource.

Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep.

Don’t call me a dinosaur. It isn’t fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you?

Murder is like potato chips: you can’t stop with just one.

Who is this man?”Chinaman, or rather half Chinese and half German. Got a daft name. Calls himself Doctor No – Doctor Julius No.”No? Spelt like Yes?”That’s right.

I don’t know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me.

If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right now. But maybe with a little luck, I’ll feel teal a little later.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Everything stinks till it’s finished.

It was one of those moments that would have had dramatic music if my life were a movie, but instead I got a radio jingle for some kind of submarine sandwich place blaring over the...

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.

But what would they have said to their Liaison? It’s like this, Meg. We didn’t like that Asia Crane, so we ate her. When dealing with humans, honesty isn’t always the best policy, Vlad thought