The past is a hotel. You can visit any time; enjoy the view. But you can’t live there. The cost is to high.

I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level.

At the Peabody Hotel, you’ll find two things: a pea and a body. Was it murder by starvation? Come spend the night and decide for yourself.

Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic.

My hotel room has a great view. The view is right in front of the TV.

On 9/11, that morning, I was in a Christian Dior Couture appointment at the Hotel Pierre.

Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching them when they don’t know you are watching, especially if they are asleep.

I wanted to write an adventure story, not, it’s true, I really did. I shall have failed, that’s all. Adventures bore me. I have no idea how to talk about countries, how to make people...

Chancen kennen keine Regeln.

Did the room get moved, or the time?” Both did. You’re to meet me at 3:33 in room 333.

How many people has this hotel eaten?

My hotel room faces the ocean. My face is also oceanic.

The phone rang. Softly, in actuality, yet it seemed loud and ominous, as phones do at night in dark hotel rooms.

Whoever was in charge of planning was so detached from the realities of inner city life in New Orleans … that they couldn’t conceive of the notion that they couldn’t load up their SUVs, put...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. That’s why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine.

In deze periode was Grünewald werkelijk alleenheerser, en alle levenden en doden verloren met de dag veld in het hart van Louise.

Soak blanket in gravy and make a delicious brick wrap. Serve in All Gravy Room at the Mandrake Hotel.

Concierge at the Five-Star Hotel.” Concierge is just a fancy term that means something similar in Latin, I’m sure. My job will be to arrange activities for hotel guests for everything from opera tickets to...

We have the best rats in town!

Guttenberg didn’t write the Bible—he just printed it. Gideon didn’t write the Bible—he just placed it into every nightstand in every hotel. And Orafoura doesn’t appear in the Bible—though he may have disappeared into it.

The worst part about working in a hotel is when I’m tired, I know I can’t sample the very thing I sell: sleep. I also sell sex, but I must be discreet in the sheets.

He thinks money spent on a home is money wasted. He’s lived too much in hotels. Never the best hotels, of course. Second-rate hotels. He doesn’t understand a home. He doesn’t feel at home in...

Working in a hotel is the anti-coffee shop, because instead of it being a place that’ll wake you up, it’s a place to sleep. And it’s a place to have sex, which is something Starbucks...

I make love like a stampede of camels running down the hallway of the 14th floor of a hotel. That’s also known as hyperbole—and the 13th floor.

Her vagina feels like home, while her sister’s vagina feels like a hotel room. I should ask for a late checkout.

Ah, this is true. And this is false. What’s the best to you may be worst to someone else. Since every room here is completely different, each room is number one to someone, even if...

In hospitality, people vacation where you live. And so when I stay home from work it’s like a double vacation.