both you and paintings are layered… first, ephemera and notations on the back of the canvas. Labels indicate gallery shows, museum shows, footprints in the snow, so to speak. Then pencil scribbles on the stretcher,...

If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; But if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of...

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, ‘This is art, and you can’t do it.

I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a by-product. The course was more plodding than heroic: I did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps studded with a few...

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

People in coats and ties were milling around the Talley gallery, and on the wall were the minimally rendered still lifes by Giorgio Morandi, most of them no bigger than a tea tray. Their thin...

And after his unparsable response, including a passage where he said he was ‘blurring the boundaries between a thing and thought,’ she said, ‘Thank you, I get lost sometimes,’ while laying two fingers on his...

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

It’s so beautiful where I am today that it makes me wonder where I am.

I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many...

…just remember, darling, it is pain that changes our lives.

I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are...

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Free love, man, Free Love! Which, by the way, was the single greatest concept a young man has ever heard. About three years late, women got wise an my frustration returned to normal levels.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

Be undeniably good.

Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.

Harder you Try, Luckier you get

It’s so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it’s like, religion, you really can’t take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary…but, on the other hand, science is just...

Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And,...

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

If you saw her in these moments, you might think she was collecting her thoughts in order to go forward. But I see it another way: Her mind is being overwhelmed by two processes that...

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

…teaching is, after all, a form of show business.

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.