A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and...

My high school teachers didn’t call me “The Babe Ruth of the Bicycle” for nothing. It’s too bad they didn’t call me that, because it was accurate.

Children have a tendency to behave as poorly as the most poorly behaved kid in the room. The laws of physics dictate that if there is a kid screaming and running in the hallway of...

Enjoy your Evening.””That will depend on the menu. If it’s beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it’s chicken…” Elliot shuddered. “What is the point of chicken?””Eggs?

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

It’s why I get miffed at all the dashing around in recent zombie films. It completely misses the point; transforms the threat to a straightforward physical danger from the zombies themselves, rather than our own...

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do,...

For the sake of my loved ones, I don’t drink sake.

We’re a couple of travelers!” I called up to her. “I’m Briony, and this is Ella!””Grammy said I ought not to talk to strangers!” she called back.”We’re not strangers!” Ella shouted. “We’re with the union!”I...

We have to destroy the radioactive brain of Madame Curie.

A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.

Abe held my gaze a bit longer and then broke into an easy smile. ʺOf course, of course. This is a family gathering. A celebration. And look: hereʹs our newest member.ʺ Dimitri had joined us...

Are you okay?” It’s like asking someone if they think you look fat. You’re almost guaranteed to get a lie.

When I’m old and I brush my teeth and her dentures, I’ll smile because that is love—and that is disgusting.

—,Así que no vas a preguntar?Lo estudié, entrecerrando los ojos. Tenía un mal presentimientos sobre esto. Pero las palabras salieron de mi boca, totalmente fuera de mi control.—,Por qué te llaman Horse?—Porque me cuelga como...

If he’s like any other man I’ve ever met, it’s not my smile he’s going to be looking at.

A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.

Oh… Adrian, I’ve got one more favor to ask you. A big one.” “Fondue?” he asked hopefully.

You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick.

Feed me, you moron.

Parsley is gharsley.

Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.

I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote down all their names in groups of 5-7-5, you’d have one tragic haiku.

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.

I shouldn’t believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

I just yawned. Now that is exciting. Almost as thrilling as making love to me thirty minutes after I’ve fallen asleep.

Jack had wondered how geometers could be so inventive as to produce so many types and families of curves. Later he had come to perceive that of curves there was no end, and the true...

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I’d have no doubt. And I didn’t. When I woke in the dark under that...

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, ‘Wish you were here.

Americans are self-reliant—on the government.

…every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition (“That would be my husband”, was the standard comment).

Spelling bees? Spelling bees do not scare me. I competed in the National Spelling Bee twice, thank you very much. My dad competed in the National Spelling Bee. My aunt competed in the National Spelling...

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten.

Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.

I’ll return the compliment by saying you have very nice veins.

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Her mouth contorted, and the wrinkles around her lips were like the dunes of a frosted cupcake. And I just wanted to lick her living word machine (mouth).

Library-denigrators, pay heed: suggesting that the Internet is a viable substitute for libraries is like saying porn could replace your wife.

can’t even sleep through the night without you and those sun-dried ginger ale complected limbs crocheted into my thighs…

One cup of coffee is all it takes to conquer the world.

Cery: So, Hem, tell me why I shouldn’t see how many holes I need to make before you start leaking money?

I’m 32 years old and I’m tired. It’s because I haven’t drank enough coffee. If I had, I’d probably only be 29.

Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.

(…) my money guy Richard is going without a tie now, like a politician who wants to appeal to the suffering common man (or perhaps every morning his firm takes the ties and shoelaces away...

The One who knows, knows a lot.

Personally I think there is no doubt that sub-atomic energy is available all around us, and that one day man will release and control its almost infinite power. We cannot prevent him from doing so...

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?

Our own dimension was coded ID-11 and was the only League member with diphtheria, David Hasselhoff and the French, which amused the rest of the multiverse no end.

The BALLPOINT PENGUINS, black and white, Do little else but write and write.Although they’ve nothing much to say, They write and write it anyway….