The Amish purposely wear drab clothing to discourage lust. If they want to prevent lust, why don’t Amish people just walk around naked?

The less one knows about meat, the more one is able to enjoy it. Meat tastes wonderful, of course, but as with the lad hawking hard-to-find wares at unbelievable prices, it’s best not to ask...

Olivia sat back and propped her half-boots on the table. ‘So far it’s working. He has to return to me because I have his sister hostage.’ She briefly put her fingertips to her lips. ‘Did...

My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook.

The distance had been evaporated by humor

A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.

Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don’t have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway...

Inu-Yasha: Is it my imagination, or have you been a little prickly lately?Sango: It’s your imagination! GLARE KA-BOOM ROARRRR KRAKLE KRAKLE

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

I still don’t belong to anyone – I am mine.

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain...

Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.

I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.

Youth, I didn’t want that illness. Luckily I recovered just in time for middle age. Now I can focus on more important things, like love, a relationship, and my upcoming existential crisis.

I bet you’ve seen the fundamentalist bumper sticker that says, “God said it! I believe it! That settles it!” It must be a typo because what the driver really means is, “I said it! God...

His joy was a release of Paul’s conversion, not the heavy backslapping practical-joking humor of the Victorians, nor the cynical satire or the flippancy of the twenty first century mass media, just the gift of...

It is clear that men accept an immediate pain rather than an immediate pleasure, but only because they expect a greater pleasure in the future. Often the pleasure is illusory, but their error in calculation...

Oftentimes, people meet our writing before they meet us; our writing is our first impression.People read our résumés, cover letters, proposals, and emails, and that’s the basis on which we are judged first. If our...

Simple,’ Tummeler replied.’ Blueberries is one of the great forces o’good in the world.’ How do you figure that?’ said Charles. Well,’ said Tummeler, ‘have you ever seen a troll, or a Wendigo, or,’ he...

Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they’re honest about everything.

For two years I was seeing a sex therapist. I’m now seeing a sex therapist.

Jesus!” Luke exclaimed.”Actually, it’s just me,” said Simon. “Although I’ve been told the resemblance is startling.

Life is a pigsty.

I never said nothing… I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You’ve got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn’t dead!

Sorry to hear about your Dad.”He shrugged. “He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him.””Heart attack?””He was hit by a Pizza Express truck.

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees.

I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.

CIA. Global, mobile, with a cause that’s noble.

I don’t want tea,” said Clary, with muffled force. “I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.””Unfortunately,”...

It’s cloaked in cultural mumbo jumbo, but I assure you that it is very hard science.

The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have invented so wide a range of pithy and hackneyed phrases that they can...

To their eyes, I was love. To their ears, I was truth. To their noses, I was anus.

We rode on the horse like we were in love and drunk on coffee. But that’s silly, because we weren’t drunk and in love. We were just drunk, and not from the coffee either.

This city needs a stadium. Where am I supposed to masturbate?

Secret 4081312. Every bullet’s magic if you’ve got a magic gun.

Look on the bright side,” said Simon, “If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I’m not sure the rest of you qualify anyway.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Soylent Green” No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin’ for a Big Mac.

But we left camp after a while and we was driving in a real spooky place cause all the roads up near camp are dark and in the woods and we had to drive for...

The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.

Our relationship is getting serious. I now know she likes Karaoke. Next she’ll tell me she loves coffee. And then she’ll say she loves me—but not as much as she loves coffee.

I farted five fingers of happy. It was a hot hello.

The real F-word is ‘future.

I really believe, or want to believe, really I am nuts, otherwise I’ll never be sane.

Lena scowled at the empty space in her living room. “Oh sure, thanks, I had fun too.” She’d stayed awake, spilled a cup of perfectly good tea, and for what? A spirit with the noncorporeal...

She even tried the one which every romantic nerve in her body insisted should work, which consisted of theatrically giving up, sitting down, and letting her glance fall naturally on a patch of earth which,...

I’m so hungry I could eat a mop. I mean map. I’m so lost when it comes to words.

I invented scissors with wheels, so I could cut to the chase. Next time we make love it will be the first time, and I’ll bring a sock soaked in coffee.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Well, if that’s true, I wasted a hell of a lot of money on panty hose and lipstick.” Jettie snorted.

What?” Jace was still staring at her as if she’d told him she’d found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway.