Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait.

You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.

I collect collectivisms. I’ve already got socialism and communism, and all I need is fascism to complete the set. I’m looking to trade my dusty democracy, but Uncle Sam isn’t interested in a deal at...

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.

Is that so? I would say I was averagely arrogant

With math, I remember all of the words—and none of the numbers. I’m also like that with love.

It was almost romantic, in a mad-inventor sort of way.

I wouldn’t read Jarod’s writing—not even if he paid me to read it. And he does pay me to read his writing, but that doesn’t mean I do.” Of course the quote continued on, but...

Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart.

It was at this time that I formed one of my own insights: it was strange how intelligent people, like Raffles, without being asked, freely spout off their insights and actually expect less intelligent people,...

Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.

It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous...

(…) met the owner of this cozy book-and-candle Apt. G, a tall, leggy, striking girl named Bea or maybe just the letter B or maybe the insect Bee, not sure, her long blond hair pulled...

I folded my map in half and used it to make a sandwich. Then I dipped it in coffee and ate all of Europe and half of Russia.

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You’re totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can’t see this sentence!!!!!)

(Referring to the piano’s natural shape) Isn’t it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort....

I had a dream about you. We were business partners. We had a pizza parlor/urinal repair shop, and to our great surprise we had no customers. Some businesses fail because they’re simply ahead of their...

No, little one, George’s ghost won’t come back. Human beings don’t have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple.””How can you say that?” protested Mopple. “We don’t know whether humans have souls or not.””Every lamb knows...

Her hair was the color of coffee without cream, and she fell in love with me when I poured sugar on her. Probably.

You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair.

Normal” is just a setting on your dryer.

But a girl can dream. And I have a feeling he’s going to be starring in a lot of them.

Congrats, bro. You’ve just sold your soul to the devil. Wait. You don’t have a soul.

You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up.

You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest, but it’s against everything I stand for as a former lifeguard.

Do you know people who insist they like ‘all kinds of music’? That actually means they like no kinds of music.

Does she realize she looks like a sunflower, ready to rain sunlight on all who look down upon her?

Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?” asked Jace.”It was Simon who promised you...

I’m a poor worker. The quality of work I do is excellent, but I make no money.

We learned the seven traditional ways to make words unclear.””Seven? That many? Which was the most effective?””Poor grammar skills.

This book has nothing to do with cats. Or mice. Or self-motivation. This book is 100% 50% finished. But don’t worry, I finished the good half. But don’t be mistaken—the good half isn’t good at...

It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. “Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self.””Canoodle?” repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.”Magnificent?”...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking to my mom and realize she hasn’t heard a word because she’s studying...

I want to get married, but first I’ll have to get a divorce.

Pundits are always blaming TV for making people stupid, movies for desensitizing the world to violence, and rock music for making kids take drugs and kill themselves. These things should be the least of our...

Maybe I’m some sort of perverted cartoon-sexual.

I’m sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Clear clutter. Make space for you.

My tears have such an aerodynamic shape that I drink them to help me run faster. I’m running away from relationships.

The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset...

Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest.

Don’t you think ‘Mark is kind of a weird name for a Shadowhunter?” Julian was saying as Emma approached. “I mean, if you really think about it. It’s confusing. ‘Put a Mark on me, Mark.

Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.

Kelley. Your name is Kelley, isn’t it?” He didn’t wait for her confirmation. “Yes. Well. Tell me…that bit just now…was that from Dante’s Inferno?”Uh…no,” Kelley stammered. Her face felt hot.Really?”I’m in for it.Are you sure?”...

Love is me plus you. But what’s with the midget in the corner recording all of our interactions? I thought I fired him yesterday.