All that crap about time being a great healer is bullshit. Time heals nothing. Well, acne maybe.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

I notice your absence. I notice your non presence and reflect on the time you were present, in the present, which is obviously in the past.

Fortunately for Alan’s sake, Frank preferred beauty over age so I had no need to defend my territory.

If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.

If I run for office, my political platform will be made of wood, and it’ll be made by the people.

I’m calm,” Rachel insisted. “Every time I’m around you, some monsters attack us. What’s to be nervous about?””Look,” I said. “I’m sorry about the band room. I hope they didn’t kick you our or anything.””Nah....

Fuck I love it when you talk dirty.

Language is visibly invisible, and a foreign language is camouflaged. In another language, I love you may appear like common tree bark.

My stomach flipped. I stopped. This guy was trending in my mind big time.

Gordon Edgley’s sudden death came as a shock to everyone – not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book,...

People complain the president does nothing. I say stop complaining! Think how destructive he’d be if he actually tried to do something.

Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the...

It’s fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who’s hearing Cinderella for the first time.

I’m thinking ahead to how I’ll be thinking back to me thinking ahead in this moment.

Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!” Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer

My advice for a person who’s just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms…faster.

When Jed comes in and gives you that look where his forehead wrinkles up and his chin drops so low that his baggy eyes can’t even look you square in your eyes, well, I guess...

Leo frowned at the giant’s spire. “Can’t we blow it up or something?””Without me, you do not have the power,” Hera said. “You might as well try to destroy a mountain.””Done that once today,” Jason...

From: Christian GreySubject: &*%$&*&*Date: August 23 2011 11:23To: Anastasia GreyBelieve me when I say there are a great many things he’d like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of...

How can it be, after all this concentrated effort and separation, how can it be that I still resemble, so very closely, my own detestable mother?

Violet: “You’re an asshole.” Onyx: “Thank you, it’s something that took an eternity to perfect.

I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.

I unstrapped her bra like I’d unstrap a seat belt, and for the same reason—to live dangerously. And to exit the vehicle.

That’s it, cupcake. You’re going down.

Her sculptured face was as perfect as a painting.

Facebook is big. Bigger than Justin Bieber or Ashton Kutcher’s Twitter following. Hell, it’s even bigger than obesity and possibly just as lethal!

Man who hates cats is insecure, but a man who likes them is one worth keeping. If he can appreciate a cat, he can appreciate a strong, independent woman.

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she’d been on. The last...

You never know what you’re going to get with a pinball game,” John said. “It’s a lot like life. You can’t control it, so you have to just roll with it and do the best...

And then I realized that my sister was trying to LIVE a romance novel. Man, that takes courage and imagination. Well, it also took some degree of mental illness, too, but I was suddenly happy...

Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. ‘Hyaa!’ I yell. ‘Hyaa. Hyaa!’ It’s the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry...

Networking isn’t synonymous with partying. If you’re doing it right, partying seems libraryesque in comparison.

On the porch were the still-smoking remains of long-stemmed roses, evidence that someone angry and passive-aggressive didn’t know Peter was out of town.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how your husband squeezes the toothpaste, the important thing is how he squeezes you.

Why keep in touch with them? That’s what I want to know,’ asked Larry despairingly. ‘What satisfaction does it give you? They’re all either fossilized or mental.’ ‘Indeed, they’re not mental,’ said Mother indignantly.’Nonsense, Mother…...

She bit me.

I wanted to make her a greeting card, but as far as I got was folding the paper in half. I left it blank inside, so she’d know how much I love her. I never...

The Nike Swoosh looks like a crowbar used to pry apart tight wallets. In other words, it looks like a politician’s smile.

Should I pull on a shirt?” he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. “No.” He’d be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn’t going...

…O-suzu left whatever work she was doing at her sewing machine and dragged Takeo back to O-yoshi and her son.How dare you behave so selfishly! Now tell O-yoshi-san that you are sorry. Get down on...

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

If you’re a struggling artist having money problems just superglue a brick in the middle of a blanket, and call it art. Someone will buy it.

Trillian did a little research in the ship’s copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness. “Go to it,” it said, “and good luck.

My sheets are so white they look like Google’s homepage. They even have a touch of red on them, from that double homicide back in December.

Love is something I know all about. Not from experience, but from quizzing numerous hookers about their chosen industry.

My life is like a Kevin Smith movie.””Zany and unpredictable?””Mildly humorous but ultimately not worth the effort of paying for a ticket.

The men had scattered in all directions, which men are inclined to do when women leave them to their own devices for any length of time. I believe they are easily bored.

My arms and legs fell asleep. Silence of the Limbs.