It’s your living room, it’s your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it’s the Zapruder film.

A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow

There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.