Remember every vote count’s and every two are worth a nickel

The simple trill of her laugh has not declined over the years; if anything it’s been buffeted by her endless sorrows and disappointments.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR. AT LEAST, YOU GET TO READ STUFF THAT’S WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO CAN WRITE! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR, YOU DON’T NEED...

If you’re stressing over happiness, you’re doing it wrong!

There aren’t any syringes.” Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it from him, he kept a grip on the thing. “I know you’ll use this wisely.””Wisely?”...

I can’t charge you 99 cents for a book called 99 Cents For Some Nonsense, because that would make sense. However, I have to charge you 99 cents, because it makes sense not to. So...

Your boyfriend smells bad, says Sarah as she sniffs the armpit of the giant sweatshirt.All boys smell bad I say and she nods her head like we have just figured out something very important.

A vine from one tree shot out, tripping Blaise. He and Merewyn rolled to the ground. Varian stood between them and the trees, which shot blast after blast at him. He deflected them, but even...

Her name was Penny, and she was good looking. She wasn’t a dime, but she wasn’t a nickel either. If there were a coin worth 7.5 cents, she’d be that. And I’d be the vending...

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having.

My love is dangerous, like getting stabbed by a knife handle. I make love like a psychotic dyslexic.

I am the Zam Maz of love. Or at least I will be, once 572w167e74zx2.

I grew up once, I decided never to do it again

When media distorts the truth, it’s only responding in kind.

Psychologists call these fully absorbing experiences flowstates, which were discovered and named by a world-famous psychologistwith the most unpronounceable surname I have ever encountered –Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

The words, I love you, are empty without clarification. Women prefer to be told what they can expect. It is measurable like a Weight Watcher’s diet, with extra points at the end of the week...

Personally, I think so-called “common language” is more interesting and apropos than “proper English”; it’s passionate and powerful in ways that “wherefore art thou ass and thy elbow” just isn’t.

Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that’s not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead

People who are needed by people who need people aren’t the luckiest people in the world.

Stop talking to me!” An I love you disguised as “Stairway to Heaven” isn’t more romantic. Not unless you’re Helen Keller and I’m a slinky.

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

I love you more, dumb ass.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn’t experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

Communism: If nobody owned anything, and everybody owned everything, there’d be no reason to work for something, because not only could you not have it—but you’d already have it.

If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr’d from dreams?

I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories unless they include the swimsuit issue for free.

I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal.

I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. “Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren’t winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon… except as a comic...

I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library.

For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not those of a self-lover.

Makes Gabriel look sweeter than gingerbread. Hates Will even more thanGabriel, too, if that’s possible.

I would not employ an author to referee a Ping-Pong match. By their very nature they are biased and bloody-minded. Better put a fox in a henhouse than to ask an author to judge his...

It’s a dirty way to fight, but I’m late for lunch.”- Valek to Yelena

No one likes a person that “should of” all over the place.

I had this dream about you. We went hunting up in the mountains and I caught a unicorn. You told me now I know how it feels to be you.

The chimes were clinging in the wind. Or were they clanging, and clinging to hope?

So, technically,” Simon said, “even though Jace isn’t actually related to you, you have kissed your brother.

It’s beginning to look like the reports of that Chinese search vessel hearing ‘a ping’ may have been a mistranslation.

They say curiosity killed the cat but I am unconcerned. I am smarter, though slightly less evil, than any cat.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.

Here was a flower (the daisy reflected) strangely like itself and yet utterly unlike itself too. Such a paradox has often been the basis for the most impassioned love.

I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to

If I had to describe my penis with a movie title, it would be: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Lazy people, the truly lazy people live on information, strategies, ideas, plans and many other criticals, simply to spend one hour of hard work and make the rest feel like a breeze.

Motivational Secret of the Week: A clenched fist cannot give the finger.

Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?

I escape disaster by writing a poem with a joke in it:The past, present, and future walk into a bar—it was tense.