Ever director has at least 10 bad films in them.

Yellow flowers are like physical manifestations of sunlight. I’m growing a garden of sunglasses just to help save eyesight and make the world a little bit cooler.

You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to “bite you” and threatening to kick them until they’re dead.

The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went...

Once you start, you just can’t stop.

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

He snuffles. Oh, no.He’s not going to cry, is he? Because even though it’s sweet when guys cry, I am so not prepared for this.Girl scouts didn’t teach me what to do with emotionally unstable...

Hate people on an individual basis only – you must actually get to know someone at least slightly before you can properly hate him or her.

You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you’re some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?

Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.

I live a single life. But only because there’s not enough room in my astronaut suit for two. There’s no love on the moon.

I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.-Calvin

I think I might be bi-polar. It’s not normal to be this emotionally unstable.

Things will happen that you can’t prevent, things will fall apart that you can’t hold together, but ultimately you’re shaping yourself and that final product speaks volumes about who you really are, not what people...

This person has hoped and dreamed and now it is really happening and this person can hardly believe it. But believing is not an issue here, the time for faith and fantasy is over, it...

Love is two spirits occupying one bottle of spirit. You’ve got to be 21 to drink of me.

Shouting something didn’t make it any more possible.

Then make sure nothing happens to you. This Kingdom needs a Queen who can show these men we’re not all delicate little flowers.

When at a networking event, there’s usually a guy alone in the corner talking to himself. That guy is me. Stop by and say hi. My nametag will say Bob, because even if you’re dyslexic...

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone’s been on a 747.

Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life.

third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date. I didn’t bring my wallet, so I hope they don’t mind paying for my dinner too. Ah, but that’s...

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Did I hear God call me an idiot?

and i’m thinking, aren’t i supposed to be the one who’s freaking out here? tiny is going to be the first b-b-b- (i can’t do it) boy-f-f-f (c’mon, will) boyf-boyf (here we go) boyfriend of...

It’s like a meatloaf.

The Rockies are the backbone of this country. And I’m no doctor, but I think we have scoliosis.

We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one leg and I had my eyes on her friend the whole night. Sure, her friend couldn’t dance either, and literally...

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call “food”.

They intend to make people’s very appetites the next weapon of uncountable destruction. They intend that your people will lust themselves into oblivion in front of little boxes of changing light. Addictive light. A light...

…you’ll see, he said, they’ll go back to dividing everything up among the priests, the gringos and the rich, and nothing for the poor, naturally, because they’ve always been so fucked up that the day...

Cam’s wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. “Holy Hell,” Callie whispered, blinking.”More or less,” Arriane said

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

It’s sad. What do you do?

Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro

I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, ‘Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?’ I said, ‘I wanted this girl and...

Why’s it so sunny?” she repeated.Zooey observed her rather narrowly. “I bring the sun wherever I go, buddy,” he said.

Maybe because you’re thinking right now that my tractor’s sexy.” Colby winked at her. Emma’s face turned a shade of beet red, and she threw her arms up in the air frustratedly. “Ugh! Can you...

When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.

I know how to handle a sword, a gun, and a kangaroo pouch stuffed with marshmallows. You should fear me.

Something you killed didn’t stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin.

My beard grows down to my toes,I never wears no clothes,I wraps my hairAround my bare,And down the road I goes.

My tears are salty. I shouldn’t eat potato chips while drinking my Cry Water, because it only makes me thirstier for your love.

He leaned forward to inspect her closer. “Is that all hair?”… Sudden, overwhelming panic clawed up Cress’s throat. With a squeak, she ducked out of view of the camera and scrambled beneath the desk. Her...

A bird was shot. I suspect fowl play. The next man to be shot is the man who wrote that pun. Excuse me while I load my gun and shoot myself.

I think guns would be more effective if bullets worked like boomerangs.

My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a...

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.