I’d been at the mercy of a prick on a power trip, the kind of buttoned-up bantam rooster who gets off on control and then, when you resist him, tells you that you’ve got issues...

In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Girls can be so petty and jealous. I swear they’re worse than guys sometimes. Except they’re all quiet about it. They sugarcoat it or else they talk behind each other’s backs. It’s seriously twisted.

Women who say that they have met the most amazing guy in the world are only saying that because they haven’t lived with them yet.

Warren Cox, God knew, was no prize; a commercial person, a sales person, the kind of man who said things like “x numbers of dollars”. At lunch today, laboriously trying to explain some business procedure,...

So you were talking crap about me? Hm. I missed it. I was too busy being fabulous.

Jerks aren’t heartbreakers there just fools with good taste.

One negative voice aimed at me has the incredible power to drown out a thousand positive ones. One of the greatest things I can achieve is to never let it.

I believe all people are assholes. You won’t find anyone that you like. You’ll just find someone you dislike a little less than the last asshole. And I can’t wait for that day. To have...

The easiest way to disarm a bully or a jerk is to take any insult he throws at you and follow it with, ‘I know, and isn’t it fabulous?!

Explain to me how you having a problem with me is my problem…

I will never grow thick skin so that you don’t have to feel bad about being a jerk to me.

People who use snark attacks confuse cleverness with cruelty.

But, really, are there any guys out there who aren’t jerks? I don’t even know any grown-up men who aren’t jerks.

It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and...

Don’t try fixing something that is already broken in the first place.

There are four kinds of people to avoid in the world: the assholes, the asswipes, the ass-kissers, and those that just will shit all over you.