How is that . . .” Braith shook her head. She wouldn’t go from arguing with one idiot to arguing with three.

A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket...

I love the world, just, you know…not the people in it.

Ha, Euann put a mint in there.

No matter what argument you make against evolution, the response is Well, you know, it’s possible to believe in evolution and believe in God. Yes, and it’s possible to believe in Spiderman and believe in...

Never tell people when to meet; tell them when to leave.

My heart hated her, but my penis loved her. Taken together, I felt normal.

A blanket could be used as a sail for my self-esteem when I’m floating upstream on the turbulent river of my subconscious. Some of my thoughts can be quite windy, gusts with gusto, like a...

My first coaching experience led to a 77-0 defeat. But that’s not so bad, considering I taught the team one important thing: the value of cheating.

Secret 3963. It’s only a sucking chest wound if you’re not the shooter.

Tiddlywinks, tiddlywinks, I want to play tiddlywinks,” chanted Ramona, shaking her head back and forth.

If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose.

All men that are ruined are ruined on the side of their natural propensities,” the note concludes.This is surely true. Yet the vivacity with which he embraces ruin is unexampled, in my experience.

You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much.

My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.

I’ve done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy.

Do you ever think about the ocean?” Nick asked me.”What about it?” I said.”Like what could live down there? Like how there’s as much life down there as up here? Maybe more?””God Lives Underwater,” said...

Strange, how in all those apocalyptic movies, when their society breaks down into lawlessness and anarchy, Canada is always the haven of safety, the place people want to escape to.

Extended family is great. If you want to know how extended your family is, just go out and win the lottery. Your phone will be ringing nonstop. And you know I’ll call you too, because...

Q: You’er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this?A: Take a running start, brace one foot against the wall, throw...

It’s not easy to run in such a way that makes it look like you’re walking.

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren’t literally made of fire.

I’m doing boy detox. Like a diet, only for my emotional health.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

I couldn’t have pulled it off if you hadn’t have pulled out all those years ago. So thanks, dad.

There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.

Jacksonville welcomed the World Golf Hall of Fame with open arms and wallets in 1998. If you’re not familiar with golf, it’s a sport where you swing a stick at a ball, like baseball in...

I couldn’t help but notice how hot he looked tonight with his strong build lining his t-shirt. He should never cover his beauty with clothes and such things. – Ariel

Here’s to another year and let’s hope it’s above ground.

Given his personality, I’d say exorcism makes perfect sense as a favored pastime.

My father inherited my old looks.

Merlin’s pants!” shrieked Hermione, jumping up and running from the room.”Merlin’s pants?” repeated Ron, looking amused. “She must be really upset.

Fries with what? I haven’t ordered yet.

A seal the size of Canada attaches to her soul light.

Klaus: Oh, come on. Take a chance, Caroline. Talk to me. Come on, get to know me. I dare you.Caroline: Fine. So, what do you wanna talk about?Klaus: I wanna talk about you. (Caroline scoffs)...

We all know I’m marrying you, as soon as you get over your thing with dog tags and realize a stethoscope is way sexier, anyway.” – Tanner

I never knew my father. I saw him at a party once, but he never walked over and introduced himself to me.

Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?

If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like it was a circular shower handle, and toggle between hot and cold a...

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Perhaps the most irrational fashion act of all was the male habit for 150 years of wearing wigs. Samuel Pepys, as with so many things, was in the vanguard, noting with some apprehension the purchase...

Ohmygod, please do this more, and by more I mean all the time.” And the more you please her, the more she’ll want to do it with you. It’s a win-win!

I’m going to name my firstborn son 0123456789, because I want him to learn to count before he learns the alphabet. And my second son I’ll call 01, because I want him to get into...

I thought you said you were the one in charge!” Ce’Nedra exclaimed.I lied.” Silk said. “It’s a vice I have.

I love you” is alive and well.

MagicSandra’s seen a leprechaun,Eddie touched a troll,Laurie danced with witches once,Charlie found some goblins gold.Donald heard a mermaid sing,Susy spied an elf,But all the magic I have knownI’ve had to make myself.

Those with all the answers have not asked enough questions.

Add children to the list of things I hate.

Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say.

Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I’d be a politician.