We fell in love like nobody’s business. I wish it was everyone’s business, so that I could have made money off it.

He offered to make-out with Hunter if it would prove that he’s ok with me being gay.””Hmm,” said Adam. “Yeah I think I need to see proof.””Shut up.””Tell him it has to be shirtless. Wait,...

A knight can fight. As you well know, I fight about as well as a pillow.””That’s an insult to pillows. At least they can take a beating.

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink...

When you stick a song on a tape, you set it free.

I knew that Sundays in England aren’t just ordinary dull Sundays, the same the world over, which demand that one simply tiptoe through without disturbing them or paying them the least attention, they are vaster...

So you’re the guy who did the no-no cha-cha with my baby sister.

I do a lot of business with businesses. And I do a lot of business with individuals. And guess what? It turns out the two are the same, as both are made up of only...

It’s called being antisocial.

How far would I go to be friends with someone? Halfway.

Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.

Consider this a fair warning.

My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her...

You use magic to start the fire.

Here’s a towel to dry your tears. I just wiped my ass with it.

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to...

All writers are insane!

Reyna sent me to get Percy,” Frank said. “Did Octavian accept you?””Yeah,” Percy said. “He slaughtered my panda.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

[Hades] returned his attention to the playlist while I eased the car back on the road. His fingers flipped deftly over the screen. ‘Orpheus…Dusk…Orpheus…Dusk…do you have anything on here that doesn’t make people want to...

I made a tactical error tonight with Wyatt.” She paused “Horizontally.” Sara laughed. “Again?

Lend me your ears and you can borrow my mind

I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!

Please, Percy…change your clothes. You smell like you’ve been run over by an electric horse.

The Maker of the universe with stars a hundred thousand light-years apart was interested, furious, and very personal about it if a small boy played baseball on Sunday afternoon.

I gave her all the love I had to give—which wasn’t 100%, but rather 10%. The other 90% either evaporated or got stolen in the name of war reparations.

Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didn’t know at theirage that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he’d make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin...

Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go.

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

There’s more salt in the ocean than in one bag of chips. Let this be a lesson in love.

Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.””You’ll be just as annoying?” I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. “Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals.”I...

You’d tell the world what your best friend wore to sleep if you thought it made a good enough story.

Of all the fish, in all the bars in the world, she had to not walk into mine. Maybe my love isn’t evolved enough for her.

Never get a mime talking. He won’t stop.

Reiko set the ball on the ground and patted my knee. “Look,” she said, “I’m not telling you to stop sleeping with girls. If you’re O.K. with that, then it’s OK. It’s your life after...

When I was a boy, I would read those postcards and know exactly why my father was doing what he was doing: he was taking a stab at greatness, that is, if greatness is simply...

So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?””Not likely! I’m a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself...

Wit penetrates; humor envelops. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence; humor is imagination operating on good nature.

Sometimes, though, you have to do things for family, even if you’d rather not.

Okay, okay, okay … go to your corners, boys. This is a nice Aubusson carpet you’re standing on. You get blood on it and I’ll have Fritz so far up my ass I’ll be coughing...

What doesn’t kill you makes a good story.

Good things come to those who ate. And I’m stuffed. Like a teddy bear. That might be why I’m the World Cuddling Champion.

Is this a game? We just blurt out whatever word comes next to mind? In that case mine’s ‘genuphobia’. It means an unreasonable fear of knees.” “What’s the word for a perfectly reasonable fear of...

Don’t go on a ghost tour, because you won’t see a ghost. Well, you might. Maybe I have ghost blindness and can’t see the invisible.

Miss Austen’s novels … seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched...

How did you get so wise?

There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as they flicker light while you dine alone and ponder how much of a...

Huh?” I say.

Grandpa used to like gravy on everything, including his pancakes. If love could be eaten, I’ll bet he’d prefer it with gravy on top. And I’d have to agree. Love would taste better with gravy.