My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.

I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every pore on my body is dry.

You bruised my ego, you see, and there’s just not enough money in the world to soothe my ego when it gets bruised

You need a father figure in your life.

I love coffee like I love making love. It’s like liquid sex, except you don’t want to spill it all over your crotch.

My boyfriend is named Percocet,” I say. “We’re very close. I even went to Europe with him last summer.

That’s the curse of the reading class. We can be seduced by a good story even at the most inopportune moments.

He lies on the couch all day watching television. I admire his classic American ambition. He’s probably a better lover than me.

Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings

You shut up!You speak too much for someone who always keeps his mouth hidden behind a mask!

This was the move that was supposed to sweep me away. She seemed a little out of practice. I guess life with Charley Royce hadn’t exactly been the third reel of The English Patient. It...

I like my women like I like my sugar—refined. Actually, I like my sugar natural, like my mannequin sex.

Oh, I know I’m a great trial to you, Marilla,” said Anne repentantly. “I make so many mistakes. But then just think of all the mistakes I don’t make, although I might.

That is when you know you have reached the point of no return, when you began to stalk a ghost.

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.

In other words – and this is the rock-solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation’s Galaxywide success is founded – their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

You know how spooky Ashwini is. She called an hour ago to tell me she has a secret stash of handheld grenade launchers she thought I might want to know about. My response was, ‘What...

Sometimes your own tongue can make you deaf and dumb.

Irony is just honesty with the volume cranked up.

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

How could Mark be halfway across the world when she would have sworn he’d been in this room with her only seconds ago?

I got offended when she laughed, because she was showing pleasure, but she was also showing displeasure—in all the previous moments where she hadn’t laughed.

I can’t remember what I said to her, and she can’t remember what she heard. I must have said I love you.

Meaning, yes — I don’t really exist except on the page or in the back of your brain. But if you think it’s weird a fictional character’s telling this story, you ain’t seen what happened,...

Cheese is milk’s leap toward immortality.

The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to shape up, they should be imprisoned. Nothing is healthier for society than more...

I feel like I might start crying and that I’m going to cry pee.

I want to make sure I remember what real ugly is. I might want to tell my grandchildren someday.

That’s where I went to buy my last watch.

I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot.

James – “Are you paying attention or just trying to make me look like an idoit?”Elizabeth – “Oh, I’m definately paying attention. If you look like an idiot it has nothing to do with me.

If I convert it’s because it’s better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.

A whore Ailean may have been, but a loving, caring whore who adored his offspring and mate.

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks.

Pegasus’s dad was poseidon, the god of the sea, and his mom was Medusa, and evil Gorgon who had fangs and lizard skin and living snakes for hair. And you thought your family was weird.

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.

Charlene’s thoughts:I’m next in the green jumper’s Class. I thought I’d be in the red jumpers’ class because of my red hair.

I’m male. I have no idea what you females are thinking.

Thank God for modern medicine. It was not until 1905 that ergophobia (the morbid fear of returning to work) was first identified and reported in the British Medical Journal. As yet there is no known...

Nobody think about that broken heart… life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said “Heart is like a mirror, if its...

I am becoming morbidly obese as we speak. So what’s the solution? To stop talking.

Either help or give up. Right now devil’s advocate is just another name for asshole.

She smiled again. “Do you like cat?” she said.”Yes,” said Richard. “I quite like cats.”Anaesthesia looked relieved. “Thigh?” she asked, “or breast?

Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence.

Now that I think of it—I don’t know why I would besurprised.

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship

Ignorance is not linear, it’s exponential.

His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I came carrying my bicycle.