Okay, no, I’m not, but right now let’s pretend I am.

What was your name again?””Still Eve.””No, I’m sure it’s something else. That doesn’t seem right.

Because you’ve got guy parts, you’re automatically a better mechanic than me? I don’t think so,” Eve said, and bailed out of the passenger side.

He lives in a hole in the ground, dresses funny, and occasionally eats his assistants,” Eve said. “Define crazy.

Parents had some kind of sin radar, Claire thought. They always called when you were in the middle of something you just knew they’d consider wrong. Or at least risky.

Faster!” Shane yelled. Eve hit the gas hard, and whipped around a slower-moving van. The firing ceased, at least for now. “You see why I didn’t want you to stop?””Okay, your father is officially off...

It’s part of the marriage vows. Didn’t you read the fine print? To have and to harass.

Let’s say she’s a friend of the family.

You look like a Goth factory exploded all over you!” he called as she ran down the hall.”Love you, too, jackass!

Better be,” Eve said. She mock-bit at his finger. “I could totally date somebody else, you know.””And I could rent out your room.””And I could put your game console on eBay.””Hey,” Shane protested. “Now you’re...

„…And he doesn’t like you to call him Mr. McStabby, you know.””Have you ever seen him cutting up that meat? He is like an artist with slicing. And that knife is as long as my...

And about Shane, I swear, if he doesn’t snap out of it, I’m going to punch him in the face. Well, punch him in the face and then run like hell.” – Eve Rosser

Anybody else think that was weird?’ Shane asked as they got into the car. Eve sent him an exasperated glance; the three of them were, of course, in the backseat. Amelie had the front, with...

You come back to us or I swear, I’ll find you, dig up your stinky corpse, and kick its ass until it freaking disintegrates.

Now defend what is ours, my partner.”He grinned … grinned! … and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked.

I always thought he was sweet.

Eve: She told me last!Shane: Boyfriend!Michael: Landlord!Eve: Crap. Right. Next time you sell your soul to the devil, I get first contact!

„What kind of stupid trip is this? So far, I’ve been assaulted, insulted, arrested, and now I’m tied to a chair by a bunch of vampires in case they crave a little O negative at...

You okay?””Fine.””Your heart’s beating really fast.””Gee, thanks. That’s very comforting that you can hear it.”He smiled, and it was the old Michael, the one she’d first met before all the vamp stuff.”Yeah, I know it...

Did he just say–?””Yes,” Claire said, smiling. “Yes, he did.””Whoa. Guess I’d better stay alive, then.

If Myrnin pokes his crazy head up before then, call me and try to keep him, you know, stable.”Is he UNstable?”I don’t know, how can I tell? You’re the crazy whisperer!’She had a point. Claire...

Go to hell and take that with you!” She shouted it right in Amelie’s face. Evewas an exotic blaze of color against Amelie’s white fury.And then she slapped the Founder in the face.

No, not you two. Stay here.”Does he just not get how unfair and sexist that is?’ Eve asked. ‘Men.”You really want to go first?”Of course no. But I’d like the chance to refuse to go...

More than your circulatory system?”Eve silently kicked off the stilettos and backed up.

I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. “I doubt you have the capacity.

Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” Eve

You are so lucky I’m too tired to murder you right now.

I’m worried he’s going to … do something crazy.” “He lives in a hole in the ground, dresses funny, and occasionally eats his assistants,” Eve said. “Define crazy.

Vampires can hear us, anyway.

Did you talk to him about it?””Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.””Maydar?””As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only...

Little bit,” she said.

Silence, and then Eve said, “Okay, that was extra creepy, with whipped creepy topping. And this is me, changing my mind.

Welcome to Morganville.You’ll never want to leave.And even if you do…well, you can’t. Sorry about that.

Hold on, Claire Bear! Next stop, Crazytown!

Moms like me.”He gave her a full-on Hollywood grin, and slipped out the door.

The saga started out a normal day—don’t they all? I mean, surely one morning back there in prehistoric times a dinosaur woke up, yawned, chewed some coffee beans, and thought his day was going to...

See?” she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. “She doesn’t stomp around like a cattle stampede!””Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either!

Now play nicely, make-believe dead girl

You know what we call pedestrians in Morganville? Mobile bloodbanks.

Please. I am the queen of careful. Also, princess of punk fabulousness.

As she turned to concentrate on the portal, Eve tugged on Claire’s shirt. “What?””Ask him where he got the boots.””You ask.” Personally, Claire wanted the vampire bunny slippers.

I can handle Glory.” “Can you?” Eve asked. “Because I notice you never call her Gloriana. Just Glory.” He shut up. Which is probably about the only smart thing he can do, Claire thought.

I’ve got yours.

Bathroom, maybe? Which is where I need to go.””Ooh, me, too,” Eve said. The boys rolled their eyes, like they’d planned it. “What? It’s what girls do. Get over it.

Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.

You’re seriously going to worry about what people think right now?””No, I’m worrying about people taking pictures and putting them on Facebook. That crap never dies. Kind of like you, Mikey.”Michael, straight-faced, said, “He’s got...

Do you imagine that they’re going to issue me a citation…what was your name again?””Still Eve.””No, I’m sure it’s something else. That doesn’t seem right.

I seriously am.

Just wanted to remind you that we’re out of milk again. And hot sauce.””Why are those two always out at the same time? Because those do not go together.””I suspect Shane. He’d put hot sauce...

I think I’d fall for you no matter what, Claire. You’re kind of awesome.