To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living.

It’s like smoking compost through a raccoon.

A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn’t belong in a smart people’s club.

Dagmar tried to stand, and Gwenvael caught her hand, pulling her back down. “You can’t leave me. I’m tortured and brooding. You need to show me how much you adore me so I can learn...

You should have told her differently,’ said Hermione, still with that maddeningly patient air. ‘You should have said it was really annoying, but I’d made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and...

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.

If you like pray like a praying mantis or fast like a faxing machine, if you have no faith, you are just wasting your time and energy.

Having good intentions isn’t enough when actions fail; you also need some bad intentions so that you look competent.

fresh” chicken noodle soup through a 20-foot straw that runs from the basement up to the attic, where she found the soup.

Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.

And they protect our queen and lands. How reassuring.

You say that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world? Well I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.

One of the Georges,” said Psmith, “I forget which, once said that a certain number of hours’ sleep a day–I cannot recall for the moment how many–made a man something, which for the time being...

A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring. But compared to boxing, it would be downright thrilling.

Housewife: a position requiring great ambition to fill. Must have the determination to scrub mold, the good taste to distribute a checking account, and the good will to repeat this at a maid service or...

A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred.

Did you wake him?””If I say yes, will you spank me?”Syn rolled his eyes. “You’re horrible, Mari.

Every mission needs ammunition, even if it’s not bullets, but fiery pep talks.

Free sex with room.”

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn’t learn from the past and Republicans who couldn’t stop living in it…

A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart transplant. And for just $20,000 more dollars, that brick could be replaced with a new heart.

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

Pop, please, it’s hideous,” Trick said.

Nobody touches my ding dongs!

Dad, is that you?

A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in...

Jake’s POV: Meanwhile, Ally was here with Marshall Moss, who she was obviously going to hook up with later. They’d barely stopped touching each other all night. Even now, they were out in the middle...

He’s going to give me a piggyback ride home. He’s my designated walker.

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

I didn’t understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing…

I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last name as me. I’m a rebel without a because.

To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!

Enjoy yourselves. And Hap: Don’t let Umber near the arrows and bows; he’s liable to shoot himself in the nose.” Dodd grinned and snapped the reins, and the carriage rolled away. Umber sniffed. “One of...

Probably the reason the NY Yankees want to move their farm team to Ocala is to recruit me. I am the Babe Ruth of farming.

I’m determined.” (Violet to Doc)

Steal not this book for fear of shameFor on it is the owners nameAnd when you die the Lord will sayWhere is the book you stole awayAnd when you say you do not knowThe Lord...

Kids are baby goats. They’re cute and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not kids.

I should name my future son after an orgasm sound. Not mine—his mother’s. It’d be silly to name him Eek, after my orgasm sound, because that’s his uncle’s name, and that’d be too confusing.

A brick is a duplicate. It is a physical copy of the idea for a brick. And what’s the big idea? A brick represents unity, a notion of hey, let’s build something together. Like a...

I loved you way before you ever had a chance to put a spell on me. I loved you at ‘I’ve never been to Long Island,'” Zach said.I couldn’t keep a big goofy grin from...

A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.

I swear, when that woman dies, she’ll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit

If we adopted Jack,” I quip, “we’d have to give him combat pay for an allowance

The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station.(on Elgar)

Wenn einen das Schicksal nicht zum Lachen bringt, dann hat man den Witz nicht kapiert.

A blanket could be hung on your living room wall, and watched instead of nightly news. Not only would it be more honest, but it also would be more entertaining and thought provoking.

Men. They don’t ask for directions, but they’ll ask a demon for a favor.-Nina

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has...

I believe you are one of the people that can lift the corners of the universe.