Her name…was Mrs. marina Orlova, and she had grown up in Siberia. Later, she would tell him that she loathed the American custom of constantly smiling: “They are like chimpanzees,” she said, in her bitter...

One of the world’s most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because people always answer “a deck of cards” or “Anna Karenina” when the obvious answer is “a well equipped...

Snuggle time is my favorite time. Well, that and 12:34 and 3:33. And the time between when I take my first sip of coffee at 8 AM and when I finally wake up, at 5:00...

Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today? -No, I’m taking her out this afternoon? -Great! Then you won’t mind if I come over and mow your lawn. Sucker!

In a word, in adversity she was the best of comforters, in good fortune the most troublesome of friends…

Like X-Box. And X-rated movies.

Know yourself better than your opponent knows you, know your opponent better than he knows himself, know yourself better than you know your opponent, and know you have all this knowledge and you will be...

Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top’s ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ or the opening line from ‘Born to be Wild’ by Steppenwolf – ‘Get...

For everyone knows that a girl cannot live on chicken cordon blue alone.

Love is the last thing on my mind right now. But of course it’s the last thing on my mind, because I was just thinking about it. I always think about love when I’m not...

Not only is my lover invisible, but she’s also nonexistent. Talk about a cheap date!

‘Smee, you are a supreme idjit.’ ‘Aye, Cap’n.’

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.

The fire burnt down our House of Love. Our relationship didn’t work because I was the water, and she was the empty hose.

One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.

You don’t have to be religious to hear God, you just have to be willing, and there’s a big difference between the two.

Butcher, al secolo Giacinto Verbato, prima del Dominio faceva il macellaio a New Milan. Buffo il fatto che come soprannome avesse scelto l’anglicizzazione del proprio mestiere, chiunque si sarebbe sentito a disagio a chiamarsi come...

I’ve got a way with love. Away with love.

B looked down the shaft, at a metal ladder and darkness beyond. “Me first?”Of course. You’re the apprentice, so you always go first into the unknown. If anyone’s going to be eaten by a grue,...

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling.

If that’s the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake,” Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, “I’m all for fighting tyranny and oppression.

Lack of foundation.

I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.

The police thought she tried to kill me, and that’s what I thought too, so I tried to kill myself, so my attempted suicide would take away their suspicious of her attempted murder. Now that’s...

Here she tossed her foot impatiently, and showed an inch or two of calf. A sailor on the mast, who happened to look down at the moment, started so violently that he missed his footing...

Romantic literature is in effect imaginative lying.

I need to call it a night. But only because I don’t know what else to call it. What’s in between evening and morning?

Threat Level Fuchsia. Fuchsia!

may be i am not bless enough to have what i want but may be i am bless enough to have what i need

I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s like looking in a mirror when you make eye contact with your clone.

It’s not that I want you to go, it’s just that I don’t want you to stay.” – China Sorrows –

Caterpillars can fly, if they just lighten up.

Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay...

I enjoy the sounds of morning. My favorite is the shush of orgasm. If you tell me you love me, I might tell you the time.

Joshua’s ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here’s the gist of...

What? No way.”With a shrug, he tossed the wig into the water fountain.

I’d give up three days just to get three hours with the woman I love. Of course this instinct is the reason why my investment decisions always look so great—for the people on the other...

I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it’ll be so long, I’ll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.

To write a novel, you need an iron butt.

The best fiction is true.

It’s been said that you make as much money as the average income of your five closest friends. Well, I have no friends, so it’s no surprise that I have no money either.

In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by a series of ghosts who, by showing him bleak visions of Christmas future,...

Do the thing you fear, and the death of your underwear is certain

It’s sad to see a restaurant go out of business because the owner died, after being cannibalized by hungry customers.

My name is Meow. At least that’s what my cat calls me. But you can call me after nine.

She leaned into me, and I could feel her hot breath against my ear. ‘I want you to eat me,’ she whispered. ‘I want you to eat me like you’re an angry Alaskan grizzly and...

The wisdom of coming in out of the rain is entirely a function of what’s waiting for you inside.

I’m forced to shower in the closet, because my friend is wearing all my clothes, and he’s in the bathtub at the moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?

How had they met? By chance, like everybody else. What were there names? What’s it to you? Where were they coming from? From the nearest place. Where were they going? Does anyone really know where...