I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, ‘Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?’ I said, ‘I wanted this girl and...

Why’s it so sunny?” she repeated.Zooey observed her rather narrowly. “I bring the sun wherever I go, buddy,” he said.

Maybe because you’re thinking right now that my tractor’s sexy.” Colby winked at her. Emma’s face turned a shade of beet red, and she threw her arms up in the air frustratedly. “Ugh! Can you...

When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.

I know how to handle a sword, a gun, and a kangaroo pouch stuffed with marshmallows. You should fear me.

Something you killed didn’t stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin.

My beard grows down to my toes,I never wears no clothes,I wraps my hairAround my bare,And down the road I goes.

My tears are salty. I shouldn’t eat potato chips while drinking my Cry Water, because it only makes me thirstier for your love.

He leaned forward to inspect her closer. “Is that all hair?”… Sudden, overwhelming panic clawed up Cress’s throat. With a squeak, she ducked out of view of the camera and scrambled beneath the desk. Her...

A bird was shot. I suspect fowl play. The next man to be shot is the man who wrote that pun. Excuse me while I load my gun and shoot myself.

I think guns would be more effective if bullets worked like boomerangs.

My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a...

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.

Too much coffee has been spilled in the name of war. Let us love and savor every drop.

Charlene says:I hope I can be a star. I want to be able to set goals so I know where I’m going. It feels like I’ve been sort of floating around without being sure where...

What were you saying about the way I smell?” “It’s like hot testosterone on a fuckin’ cracker, sprinkled with cinnamon.” ~Mariss

Just because your plate is empty, doesn’t mean your stomach is full. Same with love. Where’s the Romance Buffet?

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor.

Maybe is the lovechild of No and Yes. We should make love. I’ll be the No, you’ll be the Yes, and maybe I won’t call the cops but will call you again sometime.

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all.

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

I want my life to be about LIVING, not leaving –which is why I’m LEAVING nothing behind.

To get more liquids in my diet, I’ve started eating more soup and cereal. Anything that’s watered down, including my relationship.

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused...

I used his severed hand as a murder weapon. I hope I didn’t get my fingerprints on his fingerprints.

I make things with my hands. Hands are made to make things, and hands are made to hold. With my hand I hold my other hand when I get lonely.

It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for...

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I wondered about my inner child. In fact, I was troubled. Did I even have an inner child, I asked myself, given that, in essence, I’d just been born?

Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.

When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, “You think your dad’s a good chemist? They’re turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?

She looks so serious. Why such a stern look? Oh yeah, somebody’s just been murdered. With all my diabolical laughter, I seem to have forgotten about that.

I can be a better friend, lover, and humanitarian, but I can’t be a better eggroll. Sadly, I’m as good of an eggroll as I’ll ever be.

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

He’s wearing his official university sweatshirt again, which puzzles me a little. I mean I’d sort of understand it more if it said Yale or Harvard or something, because then it would be a fashion...

My information is based on yesterday’s newspaper. But that’s OK, because I’m living in the past. It’s always two days ago to me.

It was such ecstacy to dream, and dream – till you got a bite.A scorpion bite. Then the first duty was to get up out of the grass and kill the scorpion; and the next...

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

Snug pants, bandeau-type corset, and trim, motorcycle jacket. It was a fabulous outfit, but it was so urban-fantasy book cover

I said hello to the poodle.

Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you’re gonna be begging me to taste your pie.

I speak the language of love. I just have no idea what it means.

A year ago I would’ve been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog waiting to bite me where it hurt the most given half the chance.

Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.

Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.

Five syllables,” Apollo said, counting them on his fingers. “That would be real bad.