passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.

Everything you can imagine,is real.

Now Leroux, what think youOf this twist to the story?

Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

An optimist is a man who plant two acorns and buy a hammock.

A lot of the nonsense was the innocent result of playfulness on the part of the founding fathers of the nation of Dwayne Hoover and Kilgore Trout. The founders were aristocrats, and they wished to...

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.

I don’t think he’s dumber than a politician. But only because it’s not possible to be dumber than a politician.

Now if you are told that some piece of information will come as a shock to you, the chances are that you will really feel shocked, even if the information itself isn’t of the slightest...

a politician is an arse uponwhich everyone has sat except a man

My nail is a bit rusty.

If you’re going to hit a car, try to be sure that it’s not a cop car

We get a lot of calls where the person is murdered at home, but is not found for a period of time. And so the animals have already started to take the body apart because...

Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.

Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies

Let me say right here, if I haven’t made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so...

Beth We Steve I know you can Dave. I’m a lover, not a We’re Closed Until Further Notice kind of mannequin. Your donkey is my motorcycle of desire.

I’ll never forget my first time with you’ Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. ‘The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at...

It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.

Politics isn’t dirty. And neither are politicians. No, politicians are filthy.

It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus.

That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.””Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?

Nobody got me out,” Nellie replied. “They just let me go. They think I’m a deranged Jonah Wizard fan. Apparently, the hotel’s full of them. A couple of idiots actually jumped off the front balcony....

He stumbled out of his phlegmatic apathy,when she entered his life like an epiphany.

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.

Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.

Right,” Sadie said. “And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death.

Eragon looked back at him, confused. “I don’t understand.””Of course you don’t,” said Brom impatiently. “That’s why I’m teaching you and not the other way around.

Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it...

Ares sighed “What are the three words said most often in our house?” “Not tonight, Ares?” Than offered. “Funny,” Ares growled. “Cara never says that.

He’s like my best friend. And I say that only because I have no real friends, and Cap’n is a great listener (he never interrupts when I’m talking—and I’m always the one doing all the...

I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a bit premature. But don’t worry; just give our relationship a minute—plus fourteen more.

Sorry, pigtails, but subtlety isn’t an option anymore.

Lord Peter Wimsey: Facts, Bunter, must have facts. When I was a small boy, I always hated facts. Thought they were nasty, hard things, all nobs. Mervyn Bunter: Yes, my lord. My old mother always...

Christ was the son, I am a magnifying glass, and you are an ant.

He would make a good lamp post if he’d weather better and didn’t have to eat.

You know cats, always scratching on this or that, but never scratching what you want when you want it. (Like my balls, when they’re itchy!) I recently got him declawed, which sucked for him, but...

Together me and Amy are Jaramy. Pearl Jam wrote a song about us speaking in class.

If I have succeeded, it is because I have failed. And if I have failed, it’s because of my father. It’s all my dad’s goddamned fault.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.

The important thing is to keep them pledging,” he explained to his cohorts. “It doesn’t matter whether they mean it or not. That’s why they make little kids pledge allegiance even before they know what...

It’s a pelvis thrust, not a pelvic wiggle.

We’re like America’s little pit bull. They beat it, starve it, mistreat it, and once in a while they let it out to attack somebody.

She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.

I’m the sort of guy who will accept blame, if it means being singled out as honest and honorable, and there’s a chance I’ll be rewarded.

All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent

Hush Hattie!” I said, intoxicated with my success. “I don’t want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan’t marry the prince.” I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and...

Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with two spoonfuls of silence.