Virginia isn’t for lovers. Vagina is for lovers. Makes me wonder why there aren’t any for sale in any vending machines.

We made love like two sand dollars in a vending machine. She said she wanted marriage and kids, and I said all I wanted was a soda.

Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex....

I had an unconventional birth. I popped out of a vending machine, precisely like books don’t. But you shouldn’t read too much into it.

Her name was Penny, and she was good looking. She wasn’t a dime, but she wasn’t a nickel either. If there were a coin worth 7.5 cents, she’d be that. And I’d be the vending...

I am the Vending Machine of Love. Exact change only. The price is 33.3 cents.

Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the machine accepts hugs.