Don’t be an artist. Be somebody’s artist.

Her killer wrote a note on that stationary.””A note.” Now Renquist’s eyebrows lifted. “Well. That was rather arrogant of him, wasn’t it?

You’re here. I’m here. I love you. I’m gonna pee all over the floor about it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

It’s just a dream, I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.

Just eat some chex mix and have a glass of milk and you’ll be fine.

No old Men (excepting Dr. Wallis) love Mathematicks.

If I had 31 minutes to live, I’d ask God to be there for me in my hour of need. I’m always like that, rounding up and needy.

Stupid English.””English isn’t stupid,” I say.”Well, my English teacher is.” He makes a face. “Mr. Franklin assigned an essay about our favorite subject, and I wanted to write about lunch, but he won’t let me.””Why...

We want Max to… breed. To produce heirs. Who will govern the world after she dies.”Dead silence for quite some time. We all stared at Dr. Hans, our jaws dropped to various levels. Our lives...

When I see a cop’s lights behind me at two in the morning, and I have my disco ball dangling from my rearview mirror, it’s like, Hey, a party! Especially if I’ve been drinking.

1980’s: not a time period but a state of mind.

No. I don’t give that number out to every Tom, Dick and Dracula,” Morgan muttered.

I opened a storefront with a 6’ ceiling. I did it for the low overhead.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

Close enough.” And then he kissed me.

Remember the part about big and scary.

Where else,” I will say, “does an old turtle crossing the path Make all the difference in the world?

I’m in the movie business. I tear ticket stubs.

conservative n.A person who possesses an underdeveloped taste for tyranny.liberal n.A person who believes in liberty, but only for the state.

And here’s something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? “Well, it’s God’s will.” “Thy Will Be Done.” Fine, but if it’s God’s will, and He’s going...

I always carry a spoon in my pocket. You know, just in case it rains.

Mental Note #50: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, even though it most desperately wants to. – Notes from Ellen Wasserfeldman

My name’s Zara. I’m strong, I’m fast, and I totally kick ass. It’s great to be me…but that means right now it sucks to be you.

‘Hmmm,’ the King said, making a face. ‘I’m not sure this is what we bargained for, boy. We expected the girl to be attractive.’ If I hadn’t been so terrified, I would have been insulted.

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night.

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

Dad.

Pen-bereavement is a serious matter.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

i am like a dead begoniahanging upside down because like a dead begonia I don’t give a fuck

I’m so sorry. I think I’m just tired.” The socially accepted excuse for being mental.

I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.

I have a phobia of balloons—and other sharp objects. I also have a fear of too much love—giving, not getting.

Bizim hepimizin içinde zübüklük olmasa, bizler de birer zübük olmasak, aramızdan böyle zübükler büyüyemezdi. Hepimizde birer parça olan zübüklük birleşip işte başımıza böyle zübükler çıkıyor. Oysa zübüklük bizde, bizim içimizde. Onları biz, kendi zübüklüğümüzden yaratıyoruz....

Been there, done that. I’m sure I’ve got a T-shirt somewhere to prove it.

Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.

No offense, Jaron, but I don’t want your life. Even locked away behind closed doors I got a taste for how awful it can be.””Did anyone try to kill you while I was gone?””No.””Then you...

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to...

Flowar,” I’d probably be a peaceful guy.

For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls.

I had a dream about you. I was a cat. You were a red dot. And even those times I caught you, we couldn’t touch. But still I chased you anyway.

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.

Well if manners maketh man make-up maketh woman.And we don’t need a phalanx of behavioural scientists to explain why man judge women by their looks.Because the see bether than thay think.

chasing their own tails?” Well, maybe those people should seriously consider getting their tails surgically removed. It did wonders for my self-esteem.

When I was young and had no senseIn far-off MandalayI lost my heart to a Burmese girlAs lovely as the day.Her skin was gold, her hair was jet,her teeth were ivory;I said, “For twenty silver...

You are speaking of my future lover. Be more respectful.

Eva,” she said exasperated. “You should’ve established a personal style by now-and it shouldn’t be sweats!”Monica, Eva Tramell’s mother, in “Reflected in You

Love is a Heaven Cake, with clouds for icing. If there are two pieces left, I guess I can have seconds.