Amusement, even ironic amusement, is the beginning of sincere appreciation, as any lapsed hipster knows.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Humanism is my Religion, Good is my adoption , Bad is my Elimination, Acceptance is my Decision, Love is My Gift , Relation is my Affection ,Truth is My Strength, Help Is My Credit ,...

Mrs Bennet was a great connoissuer of feminine beauty and indeed it must be owned that she herself was a very handsome woman. As to the sweetness of her temper, there was less compelling evidence;...

Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. “You really don’t get this bodyguard thing, do you?””I didn’t even think you liked me all that much,” said Simon. “Is this one of those...

The height of your position on it notwithstanding, the fact is you’re still living on a hog.

The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, “Hey, I made those.

Sorry. I get attacks of quotitis every once in a while. It’s a very rare disease with no cure. It usually attacks older people, and here i am afflicted with it at my tender age.

Why do you work so hard to make yourself disliked? I should think you’d find it happens enough on its own without putting yourself to any extra trouble.

We were restless for ages…After a while I heard an owl hooting and calmed myself by thinking of it flying over the dark fields – and then I remembered it would be pouncing on mice....

Wow! This was one advanced society.”

But, why? You punished me, okay? You’ve forbidden me to,” I shudder, “cum when you know my little body can only take so much of holding it in. I have a nine-inch dick, Randy. That...

Whoever said “The hand that holds a book cannot hold a gun” never worked for CIA Tech Ops.

A volt is a measure of power, and the same can be said when people revolt.

So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire’s coffin? – Shella

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.

I went to Bath and Body Works this morning, because I really needed a shower. Hygiene is important to society, I have discovered.

I asked for the time, and she sold me a way to divide my attention into 12 equal parts. I asked her out to coffee, but she hinted there wasn’t a watch big enough to...

We?” Simon looked at him in disbelief. “Are you ever going home?””What, bored with my company already?” “Let me ask you something,” Simon said. “Do you find me fascinating to be around?””What was that?” Jace...

The next afternoon I left work to find that my car had been broken into and ransacked — but that not one thing had been stolen. I was so insulted that I left a note...

I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to not trust me. So, lend me some money, and let me give you the reason you were looking for...

Alone-sex didn’t count. It’s like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone—-the pleasure is in the exchange.” -Liberty Jones

Great,’ I said. ‘Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically.

Je me rends parfaitement compte du desagreable effet que produit sur la majorite de l’humanité, tout ce qui se rapporte, même au plus faible dègré, á des calculs ou raisonnements mathematiques.I am well aware of...

50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.

The cord pulled taut and she rebounded, flying back up before falling again. As her velocity slowed, she opened her eyes and found herself dangling at the end of the cord, about five feet above...

Virtue should always be colmingled with humor.

You may scoff and say I only make ten dollars an hour, but if at the end of an eight hour shift I made eighty dollars, and I only actually did ten minutes of real...

Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE.

Wizards don’t believe in gods. They didn’t deny their existence, of course. They just didn’t believe. It was nothing personal; they weren’t actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made...

You don’t need to windup the wind to keep it going. It’s the same with my erection. All you need is two AA batteries and one I love you.

Do or don’t, there is no don. Don is an honor not bestowed on any procrastinator, not even a professor at Oxford.

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.

Something inside me shuts down and I’m too numb to feel anything. It’s like watching complete strangers in another Hunger Games. But I do notice they omit the part where I covered her in flowers.Right....

The Prologue to TERRITORY LOST”Of cats’ first disobedience, and the heightOf that forbidden tree whose doom’d ascentBrought man into the world to help us downAnd made us subject to his moods and whims,For though we...

Yeah, I get that. Johnny Depp came in and fixed my faucet then told me he wanted to try my pizza that would freak me out too. But I’d still make him my freaking pizza.

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I’ve listened you preaching just for this silly truth?Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth?

I am not into nudity on camera, but I would love to wear a banana peel over my penis and eat cat food from a little saucer while you snap off a few pictures of...

A disobedient child is one who blinks of his own volition, without being told to or even looked at. That’s usually when I get out the Behavior Cloth (a blindfold).

All girls are like fishes needing feeding and a net. Trap them lest you are trapped.

Maybe he likes the look of Mae,” Nick drawled.”Don’t be ridiculous.”Nick raised his eyebrows. “Does he like the look of Jamie?

I look like a million bucks, but I feel like shit. Thanks, inflation!

Compromise is low class. I don’t have anything against the poor, but being low class is the root of all evil

you are what you wear

Seriously. I’m not saying five-star… I’m saying go on Expedia and find a place that actually has stars… any stars.

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.

Excruciating agony makes me cranky.

As Melissa got closer, the taste of school began to foul her mouth.

I left my money somewhere, probably in your wallet. Let me check.

Much better.