Students want female teachers to be warm and nurturing. When they aren’t, they get marked down across the board for being ‘bitches.” What’s a bitch? A woman who acts like a confident guy. Women are also not allowed to be dry or funny. You can imagine how my Asperger’s can go over.

I don’t want to be the angry guy.

It’s hard to say this about a guy like Eddie Van Halen, one of the greatest guitar players who ever lived, but he’s really limited to a style and they’re locked into it.

The guy that picked me up at the airport in 1985 when I was out in L.A. for my first audition was selling a script. I was a nobody coming off a plane to read for a new show.

I don’t know why I write really depressing songs. I’m a kind of melancholy guy, I suppose. But I figure I’m about normal.

But I’m not a tough guy or a street fighter for real. I’m just an actor.

It’s been six years since I have had a drink and I have two girls, and my priorities are a lot different now and I just can’t believe I was that guy. And I would not go back, I would not trade the way I am now for anything.

I’m a Texas guy, and the good and bad of that is that I’m always, first and foremost, loyal. If it weren’t for ‘Supernatural,’ I wouldn’t have a lot of the blessings that I have today, so I’m going to play it out. I’m going to give it my all.

Lynch is an ordinary, smalltown guy and he just sees strange things in people.

When you’re talking about Tim Burton, you’re talking about a guy that has such a visual sense, an aesthetic, a storytelling style. It’s like he’s got his own genre.

I would love to have a rapper on one of my songs, like Ludacris, or the ‘it’s so hot in here’ guy, Nelly.

I would like to get jobs doing other things that aren’t necessarily always with my husband. I’d like to show range – and kiss another guy.

United Artists wanted to do records with me. I had no idea, what a rare thing that was… to make an album. And they put a guy with me working on songs, and I got busy with films. I just kind of let it slide. Isn’t that amazing?

These days, right now, these are the good old days. I’ve always approached it that way. That’s why I’m still working. I’m not the guy who is ready to sit by the pool.

‘Tax Collector’ was optioned for a series with F/X, but it never happened. I guess they ran into a problem trying to figure out why someone would tune in to watch a show about a guy who works for the IRS.

I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where...

I’m big and a lot of the stars are smaller so if you’re big and mean looking, you play bad guys. After Blade Runner, I was the meanest guy in Hollywood.

I don’t want to be treated like I came from another planet or something or was somehow born with some weird birthright or super power. I don’t view myself that way. I am a normal guy, picking up the crap from the dog and scraping the BBQ and having a beer and fixing the shed...

As an entertainer, a comedy guy, whatever, you’re never gonna be truly 100-percent happy with anything.

It’ll be my luck that the worst candidate will pick up ‘Fly Over States’ as his election song. Then I’ll be forever linked to that guy, whoever he is!

I believe in letting a guy live the way he wants to if he doesn’t hurt anyone.

We who grew up with ‘drop and cover’ drills know all too well what wonders science can bring us, and we like to see the guy in the white lab coat suffer a little. Or a lot.

Because of the audience I get and the fact that these people aren’t traditional comics buyers I don’t think the comic industry looks at that and thinks that is a very respectable thing. I’m very used to it. I’m not the guy who wins awards and gets mentioned in magazines.

I’m not a bling-bling guy; I can’t pull it off. I just look like an idiot.

He had never looked at me before, never, and the idea made my skin burn.

Any guy hates Valentine’s Day. Even if you’re in love, you can’t win on Valentine’s Day. If you’re married, you can’t win on Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is like the thing you want to avoid at all costs.

I was the only guy with any bit of anarchy left.

In our culture, we get very much into shorthanding people. And I got shorthanded as That Guy: Jennifer Lopez, movies bombed, therefore he must be a sort of thoughtless dilettante, solipsistic consumer blahblahblah. It’s hard to shake those sort of narratives.

Everyone should take their hats off to Neil Armstrong. He is a humble guy who doesn’t wave his own flag.

One of the things I think you need to be a good emcee is silliness. And I’m basically a silly guy.

I got to do a whole slew of TV movies playing the bad guy, including an episode of Smallville. That would never have happened if I hadn’t done the Stand.

I got off on the fact that a guy would be so into me from the get-go without really knowing me. That’s probably why I had so many bad relationships.

Even before I did stand-up, I’ve always been the kind of guy – and I talk about it on stage – who says I like people and I always look for the good in people. I say, ‘Every person has something good about them, if you can just find it.’

The guy that I worked on ‘Thriller ‘ was a genius and he was 20 years old, but it was like working with a gifted 10-year-old. The guy who I worked on with ‘Black Or White’ was crazy. Michael had gone mad.

I wanted to be that cranky old guy that stands on his porch and yells at the neighborhood kids.

I went in saying I wanted to be the food guy.

My dad is a motorcycle guy, not some Hollywood dude.

I will say that Edward Norton, who plays the scout master, would be a first-rate Eagle Scout. He’s got all those techniques. If your plane crashes into the jungle somewhere, he would be the guy you would want to have with you.

I’m not a comedian. I can play off of people, but I’m not that guy. I don’t want people being like, ‘Yeah, he should have stuck with drama.’ It would not be my choice to have critics mumbling that.

I consider myself more of a loner now and I think when you get older, especially in this game, and just talking with other players who have come and gone, I see what they were saying when I was a young guy in the locker room.

I want to be the first guy to reverse a communist revolution.

I could not see myself going back into the studio without Tommy Dowd, our beloved producer who passed away in 2002. Then in 2009, Michael Lehman, my manager, really pushed me to meet with T Bone Burnett. I ended up meeting with T Bone in Memphis, and we hit it off right away; I knew...

One of the big things that if you’ve got a guy who is doing things that other people could view as evil or bad, then you’ve got to find the silver lining: you’ve got to find the thing that makes this guy a good guy.

I think of myself… as a troubadour, a village storyteller, the guy in the shadows of the campfire.

You don’t need to be the good guy to get a good message out.

The first guy who came up with the concept of religion was sitting out under a tree. I’m sure of that.

I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jaws was still a handsome, big guy. He got the girl. He was my favorite villain. I tried to make this guy endearing somewhat because all he wanted to do was unite his country.

My favorite driver is always either the bad guy or the underdog.

I’m in no rush. One day I’ll find a nice guy.