All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks.

I’m twice as old as she is tall. She’s half my age in height. We have a David and Goliath kind of love.

Not knowing is more than half the battle. – National Clandestine Service motto

Yeah, but the lost diadem,” said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, “is lost, Luna. That’s sort of the point.

I’m male. I have no idea what you females are thinking.

I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. “Thank you.” “I just went along for the ride. After that happened-” She waved at Derek. “You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently...

You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

I am becoming morbidly obese as we speak. So what’s the solution? To stop talking.

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?

Control is under the situation.

Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore.

Now that I think of it—I don’t know why I would besurprised.

My foggy brain slid away and— And I was still dressed in only my bra and panties. Well, at least it’s a nice set of bra and panties. Yep, these were the thoughts going through...

I am quite scandalous, you see. I come packaged with unpredictable moments, brutal honesty, calamitous outbursts, the ghastly need for love, a fiendish lack of filter, the horrific need to question everything, nauseating affection, offensive...

His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I came carrying my bicycle.

I know all about insanity. It’s not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.

My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn’t recruit. I just wish there’d been a hell of a lot more of them.

Merlin’s beard.

I keep my heart in my hope chest. Other items in there are clothes, towels, silverware, and all the love I have to offer my future wife. I must specify that my love is hand...

He will.

You wanna know why the world is f**ked? This is why, this is exactly why…right here. Get a pen, write this down, this is important…The world is f**ked up because I eat WonderBread preserved with...

I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.

Typical Xochi, leaving out important, death-related details.

Call bitch a bitch , no fucking reasons

Get it, Harry? We saw Uranus — ha ha ha —

My love is a good neighbor—there is a fence around my heart. I’m not cold-hearted, despite having a touch of Frost in there.

I don’t believe we should carry backupplans in life’s suitcase—they’re too easy to unpack like living a life in yoga pants, so comfortable our hips spreadinto new timezones…

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover.

I am patriotic. When the Pledge of Allegiance is going on, I solemnly place my right hand over my genitals.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy.”Pex was unrepentant. “Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us … all those things.”But—buried alive! That’s like in that horror movie. Y’know — the one with all...

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school’s last bastion of patriarchal society.

Now this might disturb you, but I find I’m OK by myself;and I don’t need you or your benevolence to make sense.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn’t be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.

A writer must be a lifelong reader to be good. And if you want to be a great writer, I’d suggest trying to live a long life by reading the ingredients of the foods you...

JACK.I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few...

Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

He was my distant cousin. Not only was he 50 miles away and 50 years away, but he was just very aloof.

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform…and so you think you can be rude to me.

Rachel!” Gabe shouted, rushing forward. Before Gabe could reach her Haim, being closer to where she had fallen through, leapt into the gaping hole after her. The group now only heard Haim’s cries echoing in...

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!

One of the best lovers in Hollywood. What would a title like that encompass exactly? she wondered. Technique? Enthusiasm? Or was it more about equipment?

By the time she had interpreted Harry’s dreams at the top of her voice (all of which, even the ones that involved eating porridge, apparently foretold a gruesome and early death), he was feeling much...

Normally I charge 60 cents on the dollar for stolen merchandise. But since it was my mother-in-law, and I stole it from her, I only charged her 50 cents on the dollar. That’s love.

For those whose ganglia were formed pre-TV, the mimetic deployment of pop-culture icons seems at best an annoying tic and at worst a dangerous vapidity that compromises fiction’s seriousness by dating it out of the...

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city–”I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?’ said Maladict.Strappi stared at him in rage that was incoherent until he managed to touch bottom again. ‘Ankh-Morpork is a...

Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But don’t take my word for it, because I’m not a dentist.

From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: ‘Bagels don’t talk about you behind your back.’ … Since WHEN???