You could start a fire with the heat between you two.””You’re mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.

I have dozens of loyal fans! Baker’s dozens! …they come in thirteens.

When I was laying there in his arms nothing else mattered. My parents, my lack of funds, everything just seemed to melt away as I was lost in his lips”- Bentley Evans

Weetzie could see him–it was a man, a little man in a turban, with a jewel in his nose, harem pants, and curly-toed slippers. “Lanky Lizards!” Weetzie exclaimed.”Greetings,” said the man in an odd voice,...

There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look like masterpieces.

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor with adult content.

I’ve been very lucky in my life in terms of people who are able to tolerate me.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

it never really occurred to her that literary men, if they like women at all, do not want literary women but girls.

After about eight hours, I lose my focus and all of the sudden I find myself not being able to sleep at all. It’s as if I’ve temporarily lost my skill for laying still and...

If I ever see an alien fishing in Scotland, and witness it catching the Loch Ness Monster, I’d probably assume the world would want me to write a poem about the event, rather than take...

If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate. … Choose science.

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.

If you’re a boy, any display of sensitivity is gay. Compassion is gay. Crying is supergay. Reading is usually gay. Certain songs and types of music are gay. ‘Enola Gay’ would certainly be thought gay....

Sometimes I worry about this country.

Love is seeing her smile as if it’s a sunrise. It’s beautiful, but geez, I wish she’d quit grinning at me while I’m trying to sleep.

Never spontaneously combust alone, or without a bag of marshmallows nearby.

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a...

The Catholic wisdom of the people… provides reasons for joy and humor even in the midst of a very hard life.

Like eggs, I’m scrambling to get ahead in this economic depression.

It’s Sanjit. It’s a Hindu name. It means ‘invincible.'””That’s great,” Lana said.”Invincible. I can’t be vinced.””That’s not even a word,” Lana said.”Go ahead: try to vince me,” Sanjit said.

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.

If you want to catch beasts you don’t see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you...

Normal….What the majority of people look, act, and talk and like.So what if the majority became what we see as wierd now?Would our normal, become our new wierd?

I will not let the non-knitters of the world decide how normal I am.

Columbus was born around 1492. I say around because before that the world was flat. My stomach also used to be flat, but now it looks like a globe is about to be born.

That was a very formidable woman,” Caisa said.”I seem to know a good many of those.””And you have a terrible habit of angering them,” she said.

Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of the first date. Especially if you’re dating a vampire.

Love is like water, except it’s either fog or ice. I make love like a steamy 32 degrees.

He has a very nice face and style, really,” said Mrs. Kenwigs.”He certainly has,” added Miss Petowker. “There’s something in his appearance quite–dear, dear, what’s the word again?””What word?” inquired Mr. Lillyvick.”Why–dear me, how stupid...

If we get a 3D printer at the office, the first thing I’m printing with it is a new 3D printer just for me!

Come on, it is a guest bedroom! If you want your guests to feel at home, they should be allowed to do whatever they do at home!

It’s amazing–my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the...

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young...

I admire from a distance. Too close and the flaws form a craterous landscape and the charm is lost. Who do you think I am, Neil Armstrong?

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Has all the trappings of a mystery novel, doesn’t it?

In my mind, I’m probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw.

One of these days I’m gonna beat him in the face with the butt of my service revolver until an eyeball pops out. These are the thoughts that keep me happy.

I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.

Due to its late nature, tomorrow morning will start after tonight. People say early morning, but it’s later than late at night, so I say it’s entirely too decadent for me to be a part...

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who’s been up too late.

…the distance needed for humor is always missing from dreams.

If I went into the prosthetic limb business, I’d charge an arm and a leg.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

I told her I loved her, knowing she’d tell her I loved her and I wouldn’t have to tell her first face to face to see her reaction and feel rejection.

If there’s a 50% chance of rain, I guess it means it’ll be half sunny. Relationships are similar, with my love being sunny and your love being cloudy.

Obelmäker is eating at his desk, a habit both Baumauer and Pissec find repulsive.

The parrot had a range of phrases. His own name (‘Niko, Niko’), the name of his original owner and now ‘Stavros’. Occasionally he would also say ‘Panagia mou’, which could be an expression of piety...

An empty room holds nothing but memories. At least it would, if I didn’t just finish packing up the last of the sadness.