I have gone temporarily deaf and haven’t any idea what you said, Harry.

There’s lots of love in Ocala. Must be something in the water. That’s probably why I have to pee so much.

As many as thirty or as few as ten years later, lying exhausted and still, eyes open in the dark long after the three suns of Rakhat had set, no longer bleeding, past the vomiting,...

A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in the military? If no, why are you acting like a brick?

I didn’t fire my gun. I gave it a promotion.

You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school.””Oh I believe it,” I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker’s combination and tried to get...

The expected battle hadn’t taken place, yet something else had. Images of the entertainment which had just gone down were already coming back into Rat’s head. It had been wonderful to watch, unbelievably wonderful, the...

I’d rather have a horse in a glass, because I’ll be just down the hall if you need me. My affection is fluid, so why won’t you let me love you?

So are my eyes. How do I always get roped into these things?” Avery coughs and pats Rob’s back in sympathy. A poof of dust billows from the contact.

Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.

I hadn’t realized she could shrink… It makes sense now with the tricks Ari was able to perform with her.””She wasn’t born that way. Her mother was a scientist working to reduce subatomic particles.””And whose...

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

And the old man hugs him back and says, ‘Pinocchio?

If you asked why the post had not come, or why the boat did not sail for England, or why your coffee was cold, or why your boots were not cleaned, or why your window...

I fish better than any fish alive.

I want to raise awareness for platform shoes’ ability to raise awareness.

Do you see that out there? The strange, unfamiliar light? It’s called the sun. Let’s go get us a little.

We’re being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

I am a man of peace [so he told Mother, but it always appeared to me that he was the most belligerent man of peace I had ever encountered]

The ocean is a Turing machine, the sand is its tape; the water reads the marks in the sand and sometimes erases them and sometimes carves new ones with tiny currents that are themselves a...

A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jarod Kintz quotes.

Hi, I’m from the future, and I’m here to destroy you.” But that is irrational. The future me isn’t out to destroy me, because the me of my past already did a thorough job demolishing...

He was a humorist, and everyone knew the funny writers were the most serious sort under their skins.

I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me into playing with you because no one else will. I hate that you...

The satisfying sound of bone giving way, as well as his outraged cry, made the you-had-it-coming-asshole angles sing.

You seem to know a lot about it,” she said. “And you do subtleties.””Yeah. Like I’ve always wanted to destroy the Nine Worlds while committing suicide.””Well, there’s no need to be rude,” protested Sif.

I don’t like hot coffee that’s cold, or iced coffee that’s hot. Or leftover love in a rusty thermos.

Well– I don’t know– the cops might not respond too well to you looking through their windows with a telescope.

Here you have learned the theories of life,” continued the Headmaster, resuming the thread of his discourse, “but after all, life is not a matter of theories. Life is a matter of facts. It calls...

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I didn’t. I figured that would be over kill.” – Rendezvous with Destiny

Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Really, Sera?

Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedible garnishes.

How weird? We’re all dressed like people in a Jane Austen book. I think weird comes with the territory.

If my clone writes my biography, is it really an autobiography?

It depends if I get the window seat.

Lula,” I said, “do you ever think about getting married?”I guess I do. Doesn’t everybody?”You have to let your husband kiss you once you’re married. And you have to kiss him back.”No,” she said.Yes.” I...

If you love three people at the same time, choose the first one, because if there was a 4th or 5th one, you might still fall for them.

Prove to me that you deserved it.

I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years I hope to be Levin.

Kalle Fucking Blomkvist

I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and...

In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

My farts smell like coffee. Drink them up. But slowly, because they’re hot.

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, “That’d better be your gun.” “Why yes, I always pack my gun where it’ll blow my balls off.”[Landon]

A brick could be used to stall for time when the police are searching your place looking for a missing person. I kept telling them, I didn’t steal a person—I kidnapped a mannequin. Is that...